Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The Two Ronnies
"The greatest president? Jeez man, how long's this gonna take? You say there are 44 choices? Why so many?...............Nah, call me back, The fat guy with the attitude is about to weigh in."........click
So I would guess in their quest to be helpful and create a more positive experience while accommodating our less than 30 second attention span, the kind pollster filtered out the obvious dogs and also rans boiling the choices down to the obvious. Ronald Reagan, JFK, FDR Teddy Roosevelt and maybe Lincoln, although he has gotten some bad press of late, especially in the kindly Sun Belt. Oh yeah, George and Thomas J might make the cut. These guys might be included only if the poll was created by a non-Republican and almost independent polling group and they dialed numbers outside the Texas area codes.
If the Republicans sponsored and paid for it the choices would be:
A - Ronald Reagan
B - Ronald Reagan
C- Ronald Reagan
D - Ronald Reagan's Dog
E - All of the Above
I know if I was trying to be fair and objective I should keep my trap shut until after I have seen the results of the poll. And of course any of you who are thinking in this direction, well, you would be right. Life isn't fair and I can make up anything I want on my blog. I can delude myself. I can try to delude you. The only thing I cannot do is sell ludes to you. That would garner me copious amounts of the wrong kind of attention.
The other factor to consider is that I know for a fact that St Ronnie is not the greatest president ever. He is the worst. I know because I lived through his hamfisted governorship of California and then had to feel the pain as he took credit for saving us from the Commies and did not take credit for selling us out to Iran. So there you have the facts and truth. Believe it. My facts don't lie to me and yours probably do.
It really is a no brainer who the greatest President of all time was. It wasn't Lincoln. No, it wasn't George. And forget FDR, he bogarted the office way too long. And forget JFK, he was a Catholic. The obvious choice, the hands down number one pick of the litter has to be.............drum roll please............................
His slogan was "Tippecanoe and Tyler too." With a slogan that catchy, he just had to win. Bill became a war hero by turning down the sheets for Gen. "Mad Anthony" Wayne after a hard days work tossing those injuns off white man's land. He worked himself up the ranks chasing Indians until the grand day he was given credit for killing Tecumseh, the most underrated chief in the annals of the Indian Wars. Indians or Commies, it mattered little who was the enemy as long as a guy could get credit for kicking some butt.
Harrison was cast as a simple backwoods hero, chaste, humble and he sipped cider by the night fire in his log cabin. When off the set, his glasses tended to have champagne in them and his top pocket a hanky of the finest lace. He was Ronald Reagan before Ronald Reagan was Ronald Reagan.
He had everything going for him to be just another one of the bunch, lost in the herd, a face in the crowd., nothing but another flounder cashing in on fame he didn't deserve. Suddenly fate threw him a curve ball he could not resist. A chance to pontificate for two hours in the rain during his inauguration. And of course he died a month or so later. Heroics like that have to come to untimely ends.
Because of his inability to get anything done, undone, or even slightly started, he is awarded the BoZone Award for excellence in Presidential stuff. He did no harm as President. He took care of the harm factor before he took office.