Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Crum's Law of Following Dogs

So, this past weekend we baby sat Lis and Mike's pets while they did who knows what down in the Philly Area.  While the experience has many cute pet tales to tell, it was an observation I made concerning removing dogs from my path when there was more than one.

After exhaustive study for 4 days I have determined ..... "It is 3 times harder to move 2 dogs out of one's way than it is to move one dog out of one's way."

Often when asked to move, they will look confused, wag their tales and in a default move, sniff each other's butt.  It is like they are saying, "I see your lips flappin, but I don't know what you mean."

Though these loyal fur bearing friends mean well, they will often fail to complete requested removal and instead, take you out at the knees.   If they were cats, I would be sure they did it on purpose.  But being Dumb and Dumber canines, they just cannot help themselves.  Dogs are goofus doofuses.  And that is what makes them so endearing.

Keep it 'tween the ditches ................................................

Monday, February 25, 2019

A New Book Club

It appears our illustrious President has a more serious and reflective side.  He has decided to start a book club.  I have not seen what fine titles he would be advising us to check out.  I only have my imagination and his actions so far to predict what kind of books he would like us to delve into.

Being a busy President, who has little time to enjoy the finer things like Russian Literature, I am sure he would be pushing titles light on words and loaded with nice images for his faithful followers out there in Single Wide Land.

"The Little Engine That Could" would most assuredly enjoy a top billing as it reminds Donald of his own upbringing..  It tells the story of a little train engine that overcame insurmountable odds to become just like the big engines he envied as a child.

"Where the Wild Things Are" would certainly be included as it mirrors our President's struggles to tame the wild media animals that keep biting at his heels.

"The Phantom Tollbooth" would have to be included of course.  As the teaser states, "Complaining of boredom, Milo travels through a tollbooth to a ridiculous land where Rhyme and Reason are lost."

"Green Eggs and Ham" would finish off the first offerings as nothing tickles Trump's fancy more than something that reminds him of an Egg McMuffin.

Regardless, as I have not yet seen what books the Donald has on his list, I would hope that if these fine titles are not included, they should be.  Of course they might be a tad beyond Trump's intellectual ability.  We might have to wait for him to grow up some more before he can get his mind around the intricate plots and character studies included in these fine books.

Later ..................................................

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Being Blessed

Despite my contention we all are going to Hell in a hand basket because we have put greedy self serving idiots in charge and despite the fact that the media apparently insists on focusing our attention in such a way as to come to the aforementioned conclusion, I will take a break and do my best to count my blessings.  It is Sunday after all.

The Old Testament God just harrumphed and scowled in my general direction.  The Jolly Life is Beautiful New testament God glanced down upon me with a beatific smile and then went back to playing checkers with St.Peter.

It might make more sense to count my blessings on Monday as Mondays usually are a tough day for most folks.  But hey, I'm retired.  There are no Mondays left in my life at the moment.  And that just may be a place to start counting my blessings - No more Mondays in my Life.

One down and many more to go.  .......... Uh, hmm, seems I am stuck.  Every blessing I come up with has an equalizing "bummer dude" attached that diminishes the impact of said blessing.  What to do?

The trick I think is to put the bummers out of mind.  Act as if they don't exist.  Smile just because.  Put my faith in some mythical being no one has ever seen and proceed through the rest of my days happy as if I had a brain.

Wish I could.  Casting aside the concerns I have accumulated over the last decade or two and acting as if they don't matter is not something I am able to do.

In lieu of going all Polly Anna on everyone, I figure that counting the blessings I have accumulated over the years without trying to balance them out with negative life moments is a healthy thing to do at least for a few minutes every week or so.  Don't want the mean ole guy frown to freeze in place.

So in an attempt to give Being Blessed a fair shake .........................

I ain't dead yet and anything that happened yesterday doesn't matter and we all end up in the same place anyway, so smile goddammit.  But most of all I am blessed that I can still have the fire of my youth to point out the error of our ways.  Bitching has a place as long as we chip away at correcting that which we bitch about.

Keep it 'tween the ditches ...................................................

Sweet Maggie keeps me centered.  When she can't, my wife slaps some sense into me.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Letting Heaven Sink In

I was not going to write a post unless something caught my eye.  Hopefully something funny, but hey, I will go with anything if it tickles me.

I was about to close down the 'puter for the night.  I decided that checking Facebook might illicit some chuckles or righteous indignation. I scrolled one last time through the "home" feed.

Amidst the many anti Trump meme's, the cute pet vids,  and the "I have to have this" ads, I came across the story of a small grocery chain in Arkansas who stepped on their sanity when they posted their latest special ads in local newspapers.

I realize that Arkansas is in the heart of Bible Country.  More of the faithful exist there per square mile than say here in the pucker of Maine.  So it was probably not a stretch for whoever writes their copy to assume that this innocuous Christian based slogan would be welcomed.

"Heaven has a wall, a gate, and a strict immigration policy.  Hell has open borders.  Let that sink in."

They obviously were not prepared for the backlash.  While God may indeed be a Republican, apparently many of his faithful adherents are not.  They and I am guessing the few heathens living in the area got their panties in a knot.

I think it is hilarious.  I think it is absolutely the best example any business should use to not mix religion and politics in their day to day activities, regardless how true this slogan is if one believes the Heaven and Hell crap.

Keep it 'tween the ditches .................................................

Saturday, February 09, 2019

God is a Republican

I just read an op/ed piece attached to a Facebook post.  In a nutshell , it relates one woman's journey as she sheds the cloak of  Republican Christian indoctrination.  She was in her thirties she said when it dawned on her that the Evangelical Republican way of life was not the protective shield she had envisioned.  From her fine piece :

"I didn’t think much about politics or social issues in my20s and the first half of my 30s because my racial and socioeconomic privilegeafforded me the luxury of not paying attention. The extent of my politicalideology was that the Republican Party was the party of God and identifying asa Democrat was incompatible with calling oneself a Christian. So I votedRepublican."

The Op/Ed is a wonderful look into the mind of a person previously brainwashed who is now realizing just how damaging her previous lifestyle was to her own well being.  Her conversion to a saner and more healthy relationship with her religion did not happen over night.  It came in stages with Evangelical support of Trump being her last straw.  Now as she says, she has been gas lighted, ostracized, and looked down upon by those Good Christians she grew up with and lived with inside their protected culture somewhere out there in Bible Thumping Land.

I have been clear as to my feelings about organized religion.  It is not for me. "Not for me" being the key words.  However, after reading Elizabeth's piece regarding her life changing experience, I find some reassurance that some of the folks who never questioned their clerics, their dogma, do sometimes see the light that comes from their heaven and not from their pastor's image of that heaven.

I wish her luck.

Friday, February 08, 2019

Acton Up Brownies

I have no excuse.  I should have known better.  it isn't like I just started baking Pot brownies.  This last double batch must make it 20 or so batches made in the post illegal world I now exist in here in Maine.  And actually, this last double batch went so smoothly, I didn't end up with much of a mess. A year or so ago I wore as much batter as I baked.

So what is it that I should have known or more to point, remembered that is notable enough to waste these precious bytes on?  I remembered only after I had licked the bowl, the spatulas, and the beater paddles that licking the bowl, the spatulas and the beater paddles of a brownie mix that contains kick ass doob in it will likely create missing time in one's life. 

It was just after I pulled the brownies out of the oven that I felt that familiar twinge.  It was four hours later when I woke up.  Whew.  That is the reason I prefer smoking pot.  I can gauge where my high is better than eating it.  Eating it, especially when the brownie mix is delicious, well, uh , you can see the problem, right?

Since my wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer back in the Fall of 2017,  I have been baking Pot brownies regularly.  I used a recipe I got online and cut the called for pot dosage in half and went with it. 

BA is not a toker anymore and hasn't been since she was pregnant with our daughter 30 some years ago.  I am glad I did cut the called for amount in half.  A half count in the batch was more than adequate. 

At first, a small 10 gram piece had her sleeping through the night.  Then as the discomfort of Chemotherapy dug in, she began eating 2 pieces to sleep and one during the day to help with the pain from her mastectomy.  Not once did she take the prescribed Oxy Codone.  It sits in the back of the vitamin drawer gathering dust, saved for the day when nothing else will work.

Now that BA is cancer free, she has continued to consume some brownies every night so she can sleep and to help with her chronically old Rotator Cuff injury.  She is also using some THC tinctures on the shoulder.  It all seems to be helping.

So anyway, I have become the occasional baker of medicine.  Medicine that is finally getting the scrutiny it deserves.  Medicine that I know has worked for me and for more than a few people within my hemisphere.  I feel that the miracles of Cannabis have only been hinted at.  More to come I am sure.

Keep it 'tween the ditches ..................................................

Wednesday, February 06, 2019

The Bantering Buffoon

A bantering buffoon stands in front of the crowded chamber that is decked out in ornate carvings and gilded pillars.  Slack jawed sycophants sit to one side and cast adoring eyes on the buffoon as he attempts to spin his way to greatness.   Nauseous adversaries on the opposing side squirm in their seats with every lie he tells.  No one believes him, but all of them are part of the show.  That is what they are there for.

The simple truths the buffoon spews forth hide the reality of the facts.  But the Buffoon does not care, he carries on as if everyone, even those who would kill him with looks, are on his page and on board.  All buy into some part of the delusion of this moment. 

The Buffoon, satisfied he has just made an awesome earth shaking point, purses his lips, turns to face his arch enemy.  She smirks and offers him the best Fuck You clap back ever.

Keep it 'tween the ditches  ....................................................

Tuesday, February 05, 2019

Celebrities Rule, the Rest of Us Drool

Gene Simmons, formerly of the rock band KISS, has finally gotten off his high horse regarding Pot.  He is now freeing his faithful followers from the anguishing guilt they must have felt every time they lit up a joint.  In a statement recently, he stated,

"I thought cannabis was for stoners and losers and all that,and slowly but surely, over the years, the amount of research that I saw just blew me away. "

Great Gene.  Your turnabout couldn't have anything to do with you hooking up with a huge commercial Cannabis operation in Canada, now could it?   No, of course not.  Regardless, I recognize your change of view.  Thanks for being on the cutting edge.

I did not bring up Gene just to belittle him.  Lord knows, he did that himself long ago by making noise dressed up like some evil clown.  No, he is but an example of the power celebrities have over some of our lives.  So many folks wait to form opinions, join boycotts, move in almost any direction until the star they obsess over tells them to by either declaration or example.

The inability or refusal to form one's own opinion or direction only makes it easier for the evil assholes of this planet to succeed in screwing the rest of us over.  The prime example of this is sitting in the White House as I type.  His celebrity, the only tangible asset he has and it got him elected.

I am sure this is not a new phenomenon.  Idol worship seems to be part of our human DNA.  I would have hoped we had out grown the tendency.  ............ Apparently not.

Later ................................

Sunday, February 03, 2019

GO PATS !!!!!!

I am still fired up over Trump and his desire to destroy our country.  I was so angry, all I could think of was his fat face and the lies he spread every minute of every day.  I stopped blogging because I did not want my blog to become a "I hate fucking Trump" blog.   Instead I allowed my Facebook page to become another "I hate Fucking Trump" page.

But along with my hate of Trump, I have found moments of respite and good cheer on Facebook.  It seems things are settling down some.  I know most folks who don't fixate like I tend to have begun to move on.  Of course I think they are being stupid when I put on my "I hate Fucking Trump" hat, but then I settle in with some cute cat or puppy vid and all the hate settles back into my anger quiver.

So here I am at another fork of sorts.  I have begun to Blog again, which means I have begun to write again.  And that makes me happy.  The next step is to dust off and re-polish what writing skills I had to see if I can once again step away from something I wrote and be happy.  It has happened in my past.  I have many favorites, some liked by others and some ignored by all but myself.

And while this post was initiated by memories tickled alive by Nancy's FB post about Roller Derby, something tells me there will be no Roller Derby today.  The first three words I wrote set me on another tangent, one that even now, I don't know how it will end.  It is so hard to know an ending when you don't know how it started.

So I will leave you this Super Bowl Sunday with no words of wisdom, no humorous story, no trip inside my soul.  Call it typing practice. ....... And Oh Yeah - GO PATS!!!!!!!

Keep it 'tween the ditches ...................................

Friday, February 01, 2019

The Electoral College

So here I am a resident of one of the states with small testicles when it comes to wielding power in DC.  We only sport two Representatives in the House of Representatives, but get equal treatment in the Senate with our two Senators.  Needless to say, I am generally proud of the clowns we send down to DC.  They definitely fight above their weight class.

I should be a fan of the Electoral College, right?  It gives Maine more of a voice in picking the President. Yes, it does do that.  But I still think it is wrong.

It is wrong because the choice for the President should be made by the people of this country, not some archaic and corrupt system that heavily favors whichever party is on top at the moment.  Two of the last five Presidential elections were split decisions between the Power Cartels at the top and the people at the bottom.

We have Congress to represent our various state's interests nationally.  The president should represent all the people and be elected by all the people.  It is as simple as that.

I can understand the concern the Right has.  They are in a constant state of panic that their sleazy stranglehold on American politics will come to an end.  I, for one, look forward to that day.

There is a very active movement to abolish the Electoral College.  The leading effort is The Popular Vote Interstate Compact.  Essentially a state changes its rules regarding electoral voting so their electoral vote goes to whoever wins the popular vote nationwide.  There are 11 States and the District of Columbia on board with  172 votes.  Colorado's State Senate just passed a law to join in the effort.  Now it is up to the Democrat controlled State House in Denver to make it law.   This would bump the total to 120 electoral votes. The Compact would only go into effect when a definite majority had been attained.

The other big changes we should be making:

* Serious Campaign Finance Law changes.  Too much power in the hands of the 1%.
*Gerrymandering outlawed and an equitable system set up that all states follow.
*Consistent voting rules that every state follows in National and State elections.

Keep it 'tween the ditches .......................................