Thursday, February 24, 2011

Dueling Philosophers

WARNING - if you do not like Blasphemy explained(Phelps) or Twisted Logic (Carlin) or a few swear words bother you, then please do not open the video.  Consider yourself warned. 

I am not a religious man.  I am not an atheist either.  Being true to my fence straddling ways, I hide behind the term agnostic.  I want to be able to switch sides when and if the game seems to be heading one way or the other.  Yeah, so it's a cop out.  I'd prefer to consider it hedging my bets.

I came across the above George Carlin/Fred Phelps video duet the other day.  Carlin's part is video from one or some of his stand up routines.  Fred's excellent counterpoint in the Name of the Holy Fag Hating Father was obviously filmed shortly after George Carlin died.  Whoever spliced this together did a great job.

As I watched Rev. Fred Phelps try to convince me that George was now living in excruciating pain and discomfort in the bowels of Hell, I assumed Fred thinks he personally will be in Heaven when his clock stops ticking.  Logical assumption?  Maybe.  But go with it anyway for the sake of the point of this post.

So what I thought was who would I like to hang out with more, swap tall tales with, ogle the babes and make nasty remarks with?   Fred or George? 

It was a tough decision.  Both have so much going for them.  George makes me laugh.  Fred makes me laugh.  That knotted things up in a tie.  So I dug deeper.

Would I want to exist in pain with George?  Or painfully deal with Fred's non stop homophbia?  Again I was stuck.  Neither one seemed very appealing.

Would I want to hang with a guy who thinks most everyone on the planet is an idiot like George does?  Or try to have eternal conversations with Fred who knows everyone on the planet is an idiot........Hmm, we have our first tie breaker..............slight advantage - George Carlin.  He at least recognizes the possibilty that all of us are not idiots, though he is pretty sure we are.

George doesn't wear a hat.  Fred does..........Damn...........People who wear hats know what their heads were designed for.  Sign of intelligence.  Advantage on this one - Fred.  Back to a tie game.

Back and forth, I wrestled with this question of who I might like to hang out with once that last shovel full had been tossed on my grave.  And almost always it was a tie.  Went on like this for at least five minutes.

And then the clincher.  It was just a field goal, but it tipped the margin of victory to George.  I would rather laugh in Hell than be bored in Heaven.  And Lord knows, Phelp's routine got old here on Earth.  I just can't imagine listening to it in Heaven.

Keep it 'tween the ditches..................................


The Blog Fodder said...

Yeah, I think you made the right choice. Who is the idiot preacher? Is that the tight knit little group that pickets military funerals? They make Carlin seem sane and rational.

Kulkuri said...

George was sane and rational, not so sure about Fred. I too would chose to spend eternity with George as he was a wordsmith of the first order.

I call myself a "Born-Again Agnostic", not because I'm on the fence, but because I can't prove whether or not there is a god or gods. Christians are positive there is a god and Atheists are positive there's not. Both sides require a measure of faith that I don't have.

MRMacrum said...

Blog Fodder - Yep, Fred Phelps is the head man in the quest to purge the homosexual population from our ranks. I am not sure what military funerals have to do with his holy mission, but there is some logic in it I guess.

BTW - This post is in no way related to your "I Believe in God" post. Actually, this post was written a week ago and put on auto pilot. I do that sometimes. And then my computer went blooie at home yesterday and I was not able to push this post and the Analytics one up in the schedule. Oh well.

Kulkiri - It would seem though that I am really an apathetic Agnostic. According to the defintion I found, I am ambivalent about God's existence. He does his thing, I do mine. If we should meet up one day, I'll shake his hand and move along.

robin andrea said...

I learned a couple of months ago that I am an apatheist. Meaning I don't believe there is a god and if in the absurdity of the university, it turns out there is one, I don't care.

George Carlin wins this one without even watching the video!

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

I like George Carlin. I can't stand Fred Phelps. But I hope one day to meet them both in heaven, after all of us have been purged of our sinful ways.

I hope to meet you before that, though. Hope you're well.

The Blog Fodder said...

MRM, I wasn't too worried one way or another. I never started a trend before.
I first remember Carlin as the Hippy-Dippy Weatherman from the Ed Sullivan Show.

Randal Graves said...

Thank you for not using any of those seven words.


the FCC

MRMacrum said...

robin - If I didn't care that you didn't care we would be on the same page. Unfortunately this is not the case. I will now forward your comment to the Holy Rev Phelps and let him take care of this.

El Cerdo Ignatius - I cannot imagine any good Catholic or bad one for that matter who would like Phelps. He's not a nun.

I am well as can be expected. Glad no one expects much. Hope your winter went well. It's almost mud season......Celebrate.

Blog Fodder - Oh I figured that. But imagine my surprise when after penning my own balsphemous post, a rebuttal from across the ocean beat me to the punch........Hmm....Maybe I need to look up more often.

Yeah, that's right. Ed Sullvan and George. I loved the old variety shows. I remember when the Rolling Stones had to change the words from "Let's spend the night together" to "Let's spend some time together". That tickled my teenage funny bone to no end.

Randal - If nothing else I am a civilized man.

okjimm said...

oh, wow... Jerry Seinfeld is going to hell???? I thought he was just going down to the deli!

Mr. Charleston said...

So, is the underlying problem here cabin fever? Snow still on the ground and no one's buying bicycles? Hell, we all know we would rather spend eternity with Jane Mansfield than either Carlin or Phelps.

Tom Harper said...

I find swear words very offensive so I didn't watch the video :)

Phelps said George Carlin is an atheist AND an agnostic. I didn't realize you could be both; I thought it was one or the other.

BBC said...

Man, I'm going where Carlin went, and it ain't to hell. He was great, but he died on us too soon.

I'll tell you where you are going, what your 'heaven' is, whatever you want it to be.

BBC said...

I am ambivalent about God's existence. He does his thing, I do mine. If we should meet up one day, I'll shake his hand and move along.

I'll kill the motherfucker.

Beach Bum said...

I tend to piss the believer and non-believer off about relgion. My wife HAD this friend married to a chemistry professor.

Professor dude didn't like me from the start but the one time we had a conversation he sneeringly asked me if I believed in God. I said yes, which ended the conversation right there not allowing me to add that in no way does my God work on the same levels as the television preachers and right-wing politicans.

Now my Bible-thumping brother thinks I'm going to hell for several reasons but namely that I don't believe in his Old Testament God of vengeance and wrath. I have this great line from a Stephen King movie that pisses him off.

"I believe in God too lady, I just don't think he is the blood-thirsty asshole you do."

That alone makes him lose his religion.

As for who to hang out with, George win with no doubt. Personally I'd pick a couple of Sports Illustrated swim suit models but if its between those two spending eternity smoking dope and laughing with George is best.

Murr Brewster said...

Fun. I would only add to Mr. Charleston that you might get a chance to be with Jayne Mansfield in either location. Just depends if you want to be with her head or...or...

MRMacrum said...

Okay I am pissed now. I just wasted 15 minutes of my life I will never see again. I had 5 or 6 pithy responses to comments in the que, punched "review" and everything disappeared.......Oh well (shrugs shoulders).....Let's try it again.

okjimm - Had to be The Soup Nazi episode that set Fred on Jerry. Fred seems to have a hard on about anyone in a military uniform. And you know those Nazis, they just loved their uniforms.

Mr Charleston - Cabin Fever? Yeah I guess so. Even Mainers get tired of it about February. And as I type, we are getting pouinded again. 8" to 14" they say. Shit.

Tom Harper - I don't handle that cussin shit very well either. Frankly the potty mouth America has developed really pisses the Hell out of me.

BBC - The idea of Heaven is nice, but if I pull from my own experience, no plce is as perfect as I thought it would be before I got there.

Beach Bum - Based on how God's run the planet, I wonder if the Old Teastament types are not more on target than the folks who look at God as some kind of Grumpy, but benevolent uncle.

Murr Brewster - I would assume Jane's head has been many of the same places her ...uh... torso has been. In that case I will then exprapolte the conclusion that her head and the rest of her exist in close proximity to one another.

yellowdoggranny said...

your both wrong..George is in Sessrumnir drinking mead with the Goddess..