Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Jersey Burns, O Man plays the HAARP

I have known for quite awhile that everything wrong with this country for the last 100 years is the fault of our foreign born Islamic President.  What I did not know was just how much evil the O Man had in his heart, his mind and apparently at his disposal.  The depths he will dive into to retain his evil grip on our pitiful souls is amazing.

There is a secret, okay not so secret facility in Alaska that is supposedly run by the US Air Force and the US Navy.  From this not so secret base stuck out there somewhere in the tundra of Alaska they manipulate the ionosphere in ways one could only consider magic....Black Magic I am sure.  They claim it is "scientific research", but we all know "science" is just a code word for Satan's Handiwork.  And the fact that Obama is currently Satan's man on the ground here in the US, he took full advantage of the "science" of that Alaskan base and used it to help him in his bid to win reelection.

He had the machines of the "High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program" (HAARP) turned up to wow and focused on the ionosphere above the East Coast of the US.  Apparently hurricanes cannot resist the come hither call of those evil machines.  And having already manipulated the Jet Stream into it's unusual new path, the stage was set for what happened these past few days along the East Coast.  Obama gets to look presidential and cool under fire.  And millions of people change their vote next Tuesday. 

What a diabolical man.  Or is he even a man?  Hmm...........At the least he is an evil wizard bent on controlling our minds by turning us gay.  Thank God for watch dogs like InfoWars and HaarpStatus, or this plan to dominate our minds and souls would go unnoticed.

After I found this nugget of Truth on the Internet, I dug deeper.  Where I dug is up to your imagination as I cannot reveal my sources because well, would you believe they do not exist?  Of course you would, yeah right.  Let's just say I know a guy who knows a guy who used fly a black helicopter.  His claim is that Katrina was a similar despicable misuse of presidential power.  Seems Bush the Lessor set Katrina in motion to pay back New Orleans for the trauma his father suffered in 1964 when he had his pocket picked on Bourbon Street.  Wow.  These Demigods can be a petty bunch.


Monday, October 29, 2012

An Exercise in Stupidity

Storm A comin!  Storm A comin!

The media has not only made sure we know a big storm is going to have it's way with the Mid-Atlantic Seaboard, they have outdone themselves with their efforts to instill the needed panic to drive the aftermath for more than a few news cycles.  Store shelves up and down the East Coast are emptying.  Generators are being crammed into car trunks, pick up beds, and ole lady handbags in anticipation of widespread electrical failures.

Brilliant news folks are asking the questions that need to be asked of the various authorities who will have to deal with the clean up.

"How long will it take to get electricity restored for 50 million people?" - one smart news  woman asks a FEMA honcho.

I watched and listened to this unanswerable question come out of this woman's mouth and I imagined what the FEMA guy was thinking as opposed to the company line that came out of his mouth.

His Mouth:
"Of Course Connie (not her name, but who cares what her name was)... Of course Connie, FEMA stands ready to deal with whatever comes our way.  We have strategically placed teams in the areas we feel will take the brunt of the storm.  We are ready."

His Mind:
"You dumass broad.  What kind of question is that?  When will we be able to restore electricity for 50 million people?  I don't have a fuckin clue bitch.  But I would love to tell you one thing.  If 50 million people lose their electricity, we are all screwed."

Connie doesn't get it that this guy is giving her a chance to not look like a total idiot.  Instead she presses him.  "Well that's fine and good, but you did not answer my question.  How long until power is restored?"

FEMA guy smiles tightly and says, "Connie, FEMA is doing what it can to prepare for the worse so that we can bring back normalcy as soon as possible once the storm passes.  Predicting any kind of time frame for clean up is impossible given that the storm has not even made landfall yet.  We can only do our best to prepare for it and deal with what it leaves behind."

"So you are telling me FEMA is not ready?"

"No Connie, I am trying to not tell you that you are an idiot."

Okay, okay, so I took some liberties with the last parts there, but it certainly is a plausible conversation between a media idiot and a bureaucrat.

It is interesting that this particular weather event has made every metereologist on the East Coast wet themselves in anticipation.  A "super storm" they are calling it.  Two unusual things that do not normally happen are what will possibly make this storm one to remember.  Instead of behaving like a good hurricane and heading out to sea, Sandy is proving to be a juvenile delinquent.  She is taking a sharp left hand turn at Atlantic City, NJ where she will hook up with a rather large system who prefers to remain anonymous that dropped down on us from Canada.
( Nothing good comes out of Canada.  But I do appreciate the fact that they keep us so far away from the North Pole)  Romantic sparks will fly as  Sandy and Storm Doe party like there's no tomorrow and well, there will be some unhappy hosts when they finally move on their way.

But predicting who will be unhappy and how many there will be is an exercise in stupidity.

Batten down the hatches and I will see you later....................................

Friday, October 26, 2012

Having a Gay Ole Time

Just thinking about Gay Marriage fries my ass.  Or should I say just thinking about the fact it is not sanctioned by most states nor the federal government fries my ass.  Or maybe what really pisses me off is that it is even an issue.  Of all the stupid things to be legislating, marriage has to be near the top of the list.  And I do not care what God may or may not think.  God is in his TOC (Tactical Operations Center).  He may or may not have his headset tuned into our petty planet.  Even if he does, any signals he may or may not be sending are mixed at best.  And please do not refer me to the Bible.  That book of parables makes less sense than Aesop's Tales.

Something tells me God or the celestial bureaucrat he put in charge could give a rat's ass whether the plumbing between consenting adults meshes as intended.  Come on.  Just how tight of an ass are these homophobes packing they want to interfere in the love affairs of others?  Shouldn't same sex couples be entitled to the same wonderful misery bliss the rest of us have.

I know.  I know.  I should be respectful of the religious views of others.  That's what I am told.  Sorry.  I feel an obligation to respect their right to believe what they want.  But no way in Hell do I have to respect the view itself.  And I certainly do not have to respect the idiots who harbor such a hardline view of the world around them.

Do we really think we are such a priority God feels the need to micro manage our pedestrian existence in what is arguably a fairly large Universe?  What an egotistical bloated opinion some of us have of our importance in relation to the rest of the Cosmos.  We are but insignificant astral fleas floundering around on some back woods planet spinning out of control on the edge of the Milky Way.  God's got more important things to do than nursemaid Humanity.  Did not the Great One give us Free Will?  If so , then he's got nothing to say how we use it.  I guess he could fire off some lightening, hit us with some bad ass pests and a little pestilence.  But why would he?  If he's so talented to have come up with the Heavens, the Earth, and the Donald's excellent pompadour, why would he be so petty and bush league to get pissy over who marries who, who diddles who,  or who makes the final four on "The Voice".  Besides Humans prove time and time and again, we are our own worse enemies.  We do a fine job of screwing ourselves without God throwing in his two cents worth.

(Brief interlude - While I calm down, grab a Papst, and consider just why this pisses me off so much.)

Maine is once again attempting to get the issue of same sex marriage behind us.  Our legislators passed it once a few years back.  But outsiders who felt the need to stick their nose in our business pumped stupid amounts of money (most of it came from Utah) into the petition drive to get its repeal on the ballot.  Once they had it on the ballot, we were bombarded with so many lies and religious mumbo jumbo about how God meant marriage to be between a man and woman, the law was shot down.  Toss out enough fire and brimstone and even the most rigid fence sitter is liable to fall your way.

It took awhile, but it's back on the ballot.  I hope this time it passes.  I am so tired of hearing about it.  It looks good this time.  The negative ads are fewer and farther between than the last time.  I guess the Mormon church is pumping all their spare change in Romney's direction.  Or they may have lost interest.  Who knows, who cares?  This time, there is serious bipartisan support.  Hell,  just yesterday I read even Obama has endorsed Question 1 in Maine.

Rant over...........Later...............

For your enjoyment - one of the many pro gay marriage commercials from Maine.  I especially like this one because the old duffer has such a great Maine accent.

Thursday, October 25, 2012


Humans love slogans.  Three or four word phrases that in a nutshell let others know how they feel about a certain thing, place, event, movement.  My favorite all time slogan is on a sticker you might still find in or around Eustis, Maine.  "Get Useless In Eustis"  pretty much sums up any visit I had in that area.  I was either camping close enough to find beer nearby, or I was nearby in the snowmobile bar getting snockered.

Slogans are particularly popular in the political world.  They date back into our history when men still rode horses to get around and women waited at home sewing,knitting, and minding the wee ones.

"Tippecanoe and Tyler Too" has always been one of my favorites.  It first crossed my radar as a historical fact I had to memorize for a history quiz or test.  This election slogan referenced William Henry Harrison as Tippecanoe and his running mate and soon to be successor, John Tyler.  Seems ole Will rose to some distinction during the Indian wars of the early 1800s in the then North West Territories.  These territories would later become Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, what we now call the Rust Belt, the Heartland, Fly over country.  Tippecanoe refers to a specific battle in which the good and noble White Man claimed victory.  Depending on which revisionist historical record you read, the victory was a nominal one at best.  Still, ole Will would be able to cash in on this battle and his average to below average efforts as a military man to capture the White House.

My interest in the slogans of politics was sparked by the slogans of our current election.  "We Built This" was and still is about the dumbest slogan I have seen in a long time.  Obama's "Forward" is not much better.  But at least it offers a direction and not some unsubstantiated subliminal claim that Republicans are responsible for what we have.

Anyway, I found this site that has all of the Presidential slogans used by the winners and losers since I guess they started keeping track.  Apparently William Harrison started it all with "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too".  I looked them over and some were quite catchy.  "Keep Cool with Coolidge", "I Like Ike", and who could forget Warren G Harding's famous slogan, "Cox and Cocktails". Guess it was one of those, "Had to be there" things to even have a clue what it meant.

Lincoln's slogans for his two terms were telling.  His first run , he offered promises of free land with a beautiful idyllic farm planted right in the middle of it.  "Vote Yourself a Farm" certainly left much up to the beholder, but it was definitely upbeat.  Abe's slogan for his second term on the other hand was less a promise and more of request.  "Don't Change Horse's in Mid-Stream" says it all about the reality that became Lincoln's tenure in office.

Lincoln's situation, while more serious and potentially nation destructing than what Obama faces today, would indicate that maybe O Man should have chosen a different slogan.  "Hang On" seems so much more appropriate.  Starting over with a new president after only giving the previous one one term is ill advised given the deep hole we carved out for ourselves.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Nothing Feels Like the Present

I did not watch the debate last night.  I stepped downstairs to my basement and made ten dollars the hard way.  Instead of watching promise makers and promise breakers have a pissing match, I was productive. When I was done I had not even come close to the US federal minimum wage.  I recycled.  I produced a commodity.  I performed meaningful manual labor.  Yes, by the time I was done, that which had been misplaced and forgotten these many years was found again and put to good use.

I hand rolled 1000 pennies from a dusty Ball canning jar I found buried in a closet.  I made it about half way through that Ball canning jar before my hands, my interest, and will had run out.  I have $10 dollars more to add to the bike shop deposit today and about four pounds of Lincoln Head pennies are on their way to recirculate around the good ole USA.

What a useless coin - the penny.  They cost more than a penny to mint.  Their buying power is pretty much useless unless they gang up into rolls of fifty.  They are now just so much dead weight, creating serious pocket droop and cluttering up every purse.

This was not always so.  When I was a kid, a penny could actually buy something.  A hip corner store would have so many penny candy options, a kid could spend an hour if they let them picking out the tasty sweet morsels that would fit their mood that day.  Jaw Breakers, Atomic Fireballs, and small round chunks of Tootsie roll wrapped just like their big nickel brother.  Lollipops of every color and hue, and small Brown Cows mooing from their small bin. 

Yeah, a penny was worth something when I was a kid.  And so what if I'm dating myself.  This one fond memory I would love to see come back.  Sadly, returning to times fondly remembered does not happen.  We can try, but they only seem the same in our minds.  1950s rock n roll diners, resurgence of the Bell Bottom and the return of Christ will never halt our participation in the expanding Universe.

Time marches on..................

Nothing feels like the Present.................Not even the Past.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Just Another Tuesday in Paradise

Well, seems my sleepy little corner of the World has been rockin and rollin of late.

First up the folks over to the Coast about 25 miles from me are all in a tither over respected names being dragged through the public mud after those names popped up on a client list of a local Zumba instructor who was exercising their naughty bits between Zumba sessions.  The local constables have released names without the corresponding addresses or ages.

I thought the massive rumble that shook our house last night might have been 150 indignant wives over to Kennebunk roaring their disapproval.  Or maybe it was a roar of  approval as they castrated the first of many husbands who had strayed from the nest.  But no, it was just another 4.5 earthquake.  Hell its only been 20 years or so since the last one.  I will admit this one caused me to take notice.  The epicenter was only about 12 flying crow miles from our house and for a moment I was sure every fragile Knick Knack on our shelves were going to start jumping off.

And then I watched the debate.  What was I thinking?  More empty rhetoric being spewed from a couple of empty suits.  As I had made up my mind four years ago who I was voting for, I do not know why I punished myself.  Maybe I just like witnessing the insanity that makes up our political process.  At least Obama-man came ready to rumble.

Everything being equal and even though having some excitement visit our wonderful part of the country, I could have skipped all the hoopla, righteous indignation and most certainly I could have done without looking at Mitt's condescending smirks.   But I have to say, the debate dovetailed quite nicely with hookers, politicians, and an earthquake.  Sometimes I am sure there is a God.  Last night when I felt the quake I am sure it was him laughing.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Hello 9-1-1? There's an Old Man Beating a Child on My TV

So I had a Papst Blue Ribbon beer with supper  last night.  Sometimes one beer is enough satisfy that beer jones.  Sometimes one beer is but the first in a series of beers, shots, or glassfuls of mixed spirits that should have umbrellas hanging out of them.  Last night was one of those nights.

I cracked a second beer after supper and headed to the basement.  I had manly things to do in my basement.  Sort this, rearrange that.  Nothing in particular, I just needed some time surrounded by manly things like hand tools, power tools and the sweetest work bench I have ever built.  Once I crank the boombox up to wow, I can spend hours hunched over the bench doodling with pieces of copper, fixing a fan, you know, small tasks that have been sitting patiently waiting their turn to take up some of my manly time.

That second beer was my first mistake.  Or maybe it was just heading downstairs in a weakened state of mind.  You see I keep my bottle of sippin whisky down stairs.  And well, one thing led to another and by the time I came upstairs for some air and to catch some of the Vice Presidential Debate, my spring had been wound pretty damn tight.

I turned on the Debate and whose ferret face jumps out at me jawing about Iran - yeah that's right, Paul Ryan.  I immediately thought of the business card my dad had printed up back in the day.  It was a card with a simple, easy to understand message.  He would hand them to whomever he thought was talking out of their asshole, usually after serious intake of the demon Rum. I had managed to find one card intact after he dearly departed and I saved it.  Apparently I saved it for this day, this debate.  If ever a man should be handed this card, it is Paul Ryan.  I took a picture of it and added the "Paul Ryan".

I should never sit down to watch politicians while sloshed or even semi sloshed.  I tend to lose what little objectivity I have left.  I was all over Paul and his, what was the word Joe politiely called it,  uh oh yeah, Conflating.  Conflated facts, stretched truth, small white lies, and large whopping fabrications spilled out Ryan's mouth.  For his part, Joe kept his bull shit on the mild side in comparison. 

How do these guys do it?  Sit there and with conviction lie right to our faces.  Do they ever take a break and tell the truth?  Do they even know what the truth is?  I am reminded of the term "You can't make this stuff up."  Apparently politicians can.

Overall, I thought old Joe did a fine job.  He did not give Paul Ryan a free ride.  Joe was in his face.  Bill Maher's Tweet basically covered it.

"Hello 9-1-1?  There's an old man beating a child on my TV."


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Class Act of the Day

Scott DesJarlais is a Congressman hailing from the 4th district in the Volunteer State. Scott rode the Tea Party wave that swept through Tennessee in 2010. His position list reads like the updated play book of the Republican Party. He's a Gun Totin, No Taxin, Defense buildin, Family Values supporter of Life in the Womb. I am sure somewhere amongst his collectibles and what nots, possibly right next to that fancy glass front gun case, hangs a "Don't Tread on Me" flag. Definitely not one of the 47%.

Sadly though even the great ones have chinks in their armor. Scott is no exception. His flaws are not his fault. He was born with them. Seems Scott has that gender specific affliction - male genitalia. I am sure his mind is solidly wrapped around his ideals even if his little Scotty isn't .  Little Scotty has but one thing, well okay, two things on his mind.

Should poor Scott be punished for doing what men do?  Surely we cannot help ourselves.  Obviously we cannot - witness poor Scott's situation.  Having caved to his primal instincts 10 years or so ago, he was only trying to "save his marriage" when he urged the jezebel who seduced him to abort the child for all their sakes.

But, but, but,................ what about his Pro-Life stand? 

Well....Ya Know what?  Life is a complex series of events that depend on compromise between the participants in order to flow in the best direction for all concerned.  What better place to learn the art of compromise and cooperation than when looking to get laid.  I am certain Scott had to at least occasionally compromise his standards in order to find a cooperating partner.  Of course he does have that sanctimonious Right Wing thing going, so maybe not.

Remember people, we end up with what we deserve.


Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Headed Down the Same Road

I dunno.  I'm just a dumass citizen who hails from one of the quiet boring corners of this country.  I have no fancy degrees that would set me apart from the average jerkwad who spouts off without the pedigree to turn the heads of the leaders we have saddled ourselves with.  But I do have enough years on the planet to have noticed some recurring themes in our culture, body politic, and mindset that continuously run counter to common sense.

First up is our insistence on repeating the same mistakes always hoping for a different outcome.  This tendency to not honor the one rule of History we should honor is interwoven into our group psyche.  We repeat these mistakes even knowing the historical results of our previous attempts.

Foreign Policy is the perfect example.  And the perfect poster child would be our foreign policy in the Mid East.  I would say that hands down, our involvement there has not netted us anything close to a positive outcome or even hopes of one in the distant future.  Frankly I do not give a rat's ass about the Mid East.  Nothing over there seems worth all the men, materiel, and money we have pissed down the drain trying to "straighten them out".

What about the oil?  Yeah, what about it?  Is easy access to oil worth the price we have paid?  In my opinion, no it is not.  Easy access to oil has blunted and drastically slowed our development of alternative energy sources.  As long as the oil flows, we are happy campers.  What's the death of a nephew, a niece or a neighbor's kid matter as long as we can pump our tanks full of gas and head down to Walmart?

So anyway, Mitt Romney is finally allowing some details out regarding his take on Foreign Policy.  And surprise, surprise, he too wants to jump on the bandwagon of repeated mistakes.

Instead of continuing the draw down of our troops in the Mid East, Mitt's plan calls for keeping 30,000 troops in Iraq indefinitely.  He would increase defense spending even though common sense should make Defense a fat target in our efforts to get our budget in order.

He would arm the rebels in Syria but only if they "share our ideals.  I love this one.  This one repeated mistake is in my opinion the one that has escalated the violence over there on a contunuing basis for at least the last 40 years.  We arm the lesser of two evils at the time and then the lesser evil turns around and starts shooting at us with the guns we gave them.  Like I said is this common sense at work?  And Mitt wants to do it again. 

Yeah yeah, yeah.  The pundits and experts would say I don't understand all the intricacies and nuances of what is going on in the Mid East.  Fine.  But it would seem you flounders with all the degrees and power don't have a clue either.  You keep trying the same old shit and getting the same result.  Who's the real dumass here?

Maybe, just maybe, we should stop over thinking our role there and just go simple.  Set up some rules of behavior for them regarding their interactions with us.   The rules broken would have serious consequences. Maybe even violent and immediate consequences.  Once we have issued the ground rules, we let them kill each other until they get tired of it. 

I'm fed up with wasting the best of our population on misadventures that look more like economic policy at the end of a gun.


Saturday, October 06, 2012

Religion, Inc.

So Mitt claims on his tax returns just over $4 million to "charity".  Right Mitt.

It depends on what we consider charity.  75% of that $4 million went to the Mormon Church.  The Mormon Church spends less than 1% of it's income on charity outside it's church.  Tithing in my opinion is not charity.  It is supporting one's church often accomplished by not so subtle arm twisting.

Counting tithing as charity has always rubbed me the wrong way.  Many churches demand a certain percentage of their members income.  I hear in the Mormon Church it is 10%.  Any money required to belong to an organization should not be called charity.  It could still be considered a tax deduction, but in no way should tithing be considered charity.  Romney gets no points from me for including payments to his church.

The Mormon Church spends over 99% of their income on issues they have a direct interest in.  They are a business disguised as religion.  The LDS  has spent millions across the country defeating Gay Marriage initiatives.  They have funneled countless millions into the coffers of politicians (read Mitt Romney) they feel share their narrow view of how Life should be.  The Mormon Church is not interested in the concerns of anyone outside their church.  But they are certainly interested in controlling how non-Mormons live their lives.

No better example exists of how out of control organized religion has become  than the Church of the Latter Day Saints.


Friday, October 05, 2012

Lying Truth - 100 Words

Facts injected with conjecture and forgone conclusions cast Truth aside in pursuit of knee jerked solutions.  Lost in a sea of deception, specious goals are massaged by lying hands, replacing Honesty with Truth’s ugly step sister, the Half Truth.

The Midway Squawkers and Snake Oil Salesmen insist and demand the Half Truth into our lives hoping their deception lasts long enough for them to cash in for their nickels and dimes. 

Assaulted long enough, we allow recent lies to become our New Truth. Delusion casts itself in stone and merry populations dance around it happy as if they had brains.

I first wrote this for a Flash fiction challenge quite awhile ago.  I thought given the current politcal moods clashing and thrashing, re-posting it here and now might just impart how I feel regarding the current crop of leaders and their lackeys. 


Thursday, October 04, 2012

The Flow of Life is Often Unkind

Grief.  If we are human, we all share in this most painful of human situations.  Grief is both intensely personal and universally shared.  Grief can cripple us.  It can also make us stronger once the initial pain has waned.  Gather enough years on this planet and it can accumulate like a gathering cloud that  is always threatening our horizons.

It is often said by those experiencing grief that no one can know their pain.  We may not be able to feel the specific grief they are experiencing, but most of us know the process.  It is never pleasant.  It is never kind.  But it is often necessary I think for us to remain sane.  Grief is so much part of our experience, it has been analyzed and broken down into 5 clean clinical stages.

We do our best to shelter our wee ones from it's grip, often providing too much shelter so that when they have to face that first truly sad moment of loss, they are ill prepared to deal with it.  I think explaining death to a child is harder than discussing sex with them.  How does one prepare a child for the emotional pain that eventually visits all of us?

I only bring this up today because of a recent accident that took the life of a young girl in Sanford.  She was struck and killed while riding her bike on Main St.  I did not know her or her family.  I did however know some of the loved ones her death affected the most.  The tragedy brought back wounds I am still dealing with from my recent past and beyond.  My first feelings of empathy for the family turned inward and suddenly I was re-living the pain of my own losses from years before.  Best friends, family members, and most recently a niece all came rushing back.

I sat on a big stone out in the yard and allowed myself the freedom to cry.  After a few moments I felt embarrassed though no one was there to witness this less than manly display.  "Fer Chrisakes Mike, get a grip, you don't even know this child," I told myself.  But the pain would not go away.  And one more time I had to allow a few grieving moments to my previous tragic moments to again work through the filters that keep me sane.

I may not know your pain, but believe me when I say I know how it works.

Keep it 'tween the ditches...................................

Image by Gabriela Sanchez - entitled "Grief"