Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Uncomfortably Numb

Well we're on the home stretch. The last month of the year. If we had goals we haven't met yet, there's less than a month now to get it right. Kick it through the uprights. Whatever it might be.

Looking back at last January, I actually made plans. That in itself was a milestone. Wrote down some things I wanted to accomplish, to change. More than just a token gesture, I started the year full of piss and vinegar. Each passing month wore me down. Each month nibbling away at what enthusiasm was left until there was no enthusiasm left. I maybe didn't do my best. I at least thought about doing my best anyway. That should count for something.

Each month ended and the list got shorter. Either I blew another unrealistic goal off, or I made progress. Seems blowing off the high expectations became easier as we worked our way from then to now. But there have been some high lights. A few things I can look myself in the eye and say, "Yeah dude, you da man."

Okay, so I can take a moment and be satisfied instead of the normal, "Oh Well, better luck next time you flounder". But the moments I have that make me grin with satisfaction dim when held up to the goals still gathering dust. Yeah, it is December and right now I am just happy to finish the day and say -

"Today was a good day."

The days, weeks of 2009 have taken their toll. For eight months I fought the good fight at the bike shop. I wanted to be in better shape financially and did not want to take on any new debt. I succeeded in both endeavors. I owe less than I did a year ago. The victory though rings a tad hollow given the sad prospects over the next few months. I seem to burn out sooner now than before. Loving what I do has transformed into doing what I have to. But -

"Today was a Good Day."

I hoped to ride more this year. I'll call it a wash. I at least rode as much as last year, so -

"Today was a Good Day".

I know I started this post as a filler post using that go to when nothing else comes to mind - Music. What it does for me and what it might do for you should you dare to listen to what I am hearing right now. In recognition of what got me started tonight I offer these two juicy tunes.

Image from Anna Bonnevier, a fashion designer - It has absolutely nothing to do with the post. I just liked the image.

Get out there and mix it up..................


Beach Bum said...

Is it too early to hope like Hell things might be better next year for us all? Or am I setting myself up for an even earlier disappointment?

Screw it, Here is hoping for the best anyway.

sunshine said...

I can't even remember what goals I set for myself at the beginning of this year.
I think it was something to do with being "Fab at 40". Hmmm well, that came and went. Without me being "fab". :P
This was a tough year for us with my mother in law battling breast cancer but she and us.. made it through.
It was a good day. :D


Randal Graves said...

Maybe you should have drank more vinegar. Failing that, ingested more salt and vinegar chips.

I never set conscious goals because I know I'll never keep them. Thankfully, I've got the ever-present subconscious goal of 'be more lazy.'

It'll be a good day if I finish this stupid paper.