Friday, July 08, 2022

Can Spiders Hear You Scream?

I was punching out the beginning of a hopefully wry and funny post about Donald Trump, his licensed products, and how stupid his minions are for buying into his scams. Then my wife came into the office. She was all done up in her ready to go to work attire. She had her CPA satchels and bags hanging off both shoulders. And best of all, she had that serious "you asshole" look on her face.

"Just to let you know; another one of your eight legged friends is in the bathroom. He only lived because I saw him between the shower curtains while I was showering. When I was ready too hunt him down, he was gone. Get him out or he dies the next time I see him."

"Uh, if I am correct, most spiders we see are female." I grinned. 

All I got was a terse, " That's as it should be. Might be a good idea for humans also ..... Get it out, I have to go. See you later." She turned and left the office.

Hey, a man has to find his fun where he can. 

There are two areas of the house that my darling wife will not tolerate spiders; the kitchen and the bathroom. I would say she is not exactly afraid of them. She just hates them. And she will pull out all the stops to kill one. I, on the other hand, love the little bastards. Over the years I have cherished their existence in any home I have lived in. I did and still do what I can to protect them from the evil humans who would do them harm.

As I was on the hunt to find this animal who had had the audacity to break the morning calm and bathroom routine of my darling significant other, I wondered if Spiders could hear. I remembered someone telling me they couldn't. They did not have ears. I vowed to embark on a ten second trip through google-land once I had the offending spider in custody.

It was a very short hunt. Spiders look like they should be blessed with intelligence, what with all the eyes, the awesome set of mandibles and other scary rigging. Sadly, they are all show and no go. Slaves to instinct and tradition, they are single minded to a fault. If a spider decides that existing between two shower curtains is cool, that is where you will most likely find them next time you look. And this particular type of brown spider I have learned loves living in and around sinks. A bath tub is just a big sink. Our little criminal must have thought she had hit the jackpot. 

I spent more time finding a glass and stiff piece of paper than the time it took to trap my little friend. I took a moment for a mug shot in case she fails in her effort to learn to live in the wild and reappears in the future. I also spoke to her about how stupid it was to test my wife. You don't win when engaging my life partner in battle. I even showed the little bastard my scars. (Okay, Okay, that was bullshit, but the spider couldn't tell. She didn't know a scar from a pimple ferchrisakes) She did seem impressed. I think I saw her blink.

Once Ms. spider was safely behind glass, I took her down to the garage and released her into the Wild. It is a jungle down there. And there is a sink to cozy up to. But she better be careful. That sink has been occupied by one of her kind forever.

Back in my office, tuckered and tired from that exhausting safari to rid my home of a dangerous predator, I was feeling heroic when I googled;

"Do spiders have ears?"

It turns out spiders do not have ears. But they can hear just fine. The listen by feeling sound vibrations through the infinite number of hairs that cover their bodies. Pretty clever set up I think. 

So yes, spiders can hear you scream. But don't be a nancy. Talk to them nice. They might just not eat you that night.

Keep it tween the ditches ..................................................

BTW - I emailed my wife a confirmation pic of the spider under arrest. A man has take his fun where he finds it.

___________________________

I need a tune that represents spiders. This should be interesting. ....... 

Actually finding a good tune was not too much of an issue. There are too many tunes with "spiders" in their title. I had to check quite a few until I found Rainne and her song, "Spiders". The video is kind of cool too.


4 comments:

The Blog Fodder said...

Spiders are for me what rats were for Winston Smith. I know they are beneficial but that doesn't help.

yellowdoggranny said...

spiders need to know one thing in my apt...how to outrun the fat lady.

BBC said...

I leave my room mates alone...

One from Ukraine said...

As always -- lively, and easy to grasp.
If only I would be so masterfull with weaving words into that word-nets called texts.
But well, that might be result of life long practicing.
Please do not hesitate to share your POV on it, if you'd see it fit.

About spiders? Maybe you saw that documentary about all kinds of spiders, among which most fascinating is ones who hunt other spiders -- unease trick, it's like have some animal which would hunt on lions. ;-)