Friday, January 07, 2005


Originally posted in Dirt Rag Forums - 11/24/04

The following piece released some pent up anger I have been harboring for, oh, I guess my whole life.

Originally Posted by cosg

The hardest part of parenting is setting a good example and behaving yourself!! Especially if your morals are a little questionable to begin with.

My response
Every time I come back to this thread, I read this and something just didn't sit right with me. I just plain disagree with it. The hardest part that is. IMO, the hardest thing a parent can do is be honest with their kids.

I did not find out the circumstances of my birth until I was well into adulthood. Finding out those facts was shocking and left me bitter and full of resentment towards the rest of the family for years. While the facts explained the distance relatives kept me at. Not knowing those facts as a kid made me feel like I was not welcome in my own family and that it was somehow my fault. I have always resented the dishonesty my family displayed. By keeping me in the dark, they punished me for something I had no control over or knowledge of. Ten years ago, I removed myself from their sphere of influence and affections, what little there was. The predictable result is they let me do it without a fight.

Because of my own experience, I have made my life before parenthood an open book to my kid. By filling her in at an early age regarding the poor choices I made as a kid and young adult, we both were able to become closer. My faults revealed, allowed me the freedom to help guide her through some of the madness that every kid faces. I didn't have to rely on shaky logic like it's the law, or God will strike you dead crap. I held myself up as a beacon of what not to do.

It seems to be working. She has made it to college and has the reputation of being a goodie two shoes who thinks getting falling down drunk is for losers. And don't get her started on drugs and how much she detests them. She kicks butt on a bike also. There is no better memory of mine than remembering her first ride and all the rides since. On Friday, we head to Manchester for the "Turkey Burner" ride.

1 comment:

sprinkle4 said...

Amen and amen. I have an 11 year old whom I adopted and his grandmother and I have always been very honest with him about his birth mother. He knows her and he knows the whole story on her (which, believe me, is not very pleasant) and so those questions of "Why doesn't she want me around?" were answered a long time ago. He has since come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if she loves him as long as I and his grandmother love him, thereby avoiding years of therapy. Honesty works.