Damn Dog

We had a scare yesterday evening. When my wife got home around six, she was prepared to fend off Maggie's daily enthusiastic greeting. Maggie is always happy to see us if we have been away any time at all. Yesterday evening she wasn't. My wife said Maggie did jump out of her chair but landed awkwardly. She stood with legs splayed and her head locked to the side. A panicked look on her mug completed the picture.

I was fixing pet suppers at the time. Usually, I have to sharply rebuke both the cat and the dog for getting in the way as they both seem to think their interference somehow speeds up the process of getting food to their bellies.

No Maggie. I paused a moment and called for her. Again no Maggie. BA and I looked at each other. I said, "Something's wrong". I went out to the living room to find Maggie back in the chair and looking very scared. When I tried to pet her, she withdrew like I had been beating her. 

I managed to convince her to come to the kitchen. She walked stiffly with her teeth bared in a way that it looked like she was grimacing in pain. I placed the food bowl in front of her and she did eat, but not with the voracious zeal she normally exhibited at meal times. Several times she would stop, sit and chew on her rear legs and hindquarters.

Last night I stayed awake as long as I could to monitor her. I passed out sometime around 4:30 AM. All through the night, Maggie appeared to become incrementally better.  When I awoke around 8:00 AM, she was full of piss and vinegar like any other morning. Life was beautiful again and I was saddled with blurry eyes and a foggier brain than usual from lack of sleep.

I was very grateful, yet very pissed at the same time. These animals we bring into our homes work their way into our hearts and just when we think the relationship will last forever, we are faced with the fact their mortality is even more fragile than ours. Last night I hovered over her and anguished over the possibility of losing her and how would I get on without her.

This morning with a clearer mind I became angry. Not angry at Maggie, but angry at my sorry ass selfish self. All that concern I pretended was for Maggie was really about me and my emotional well being, not hers. I spent my time wondering what I would do without her in my life. I was angry at how I felt helpless to improve her condition. Again, it was about me and my feelings, not her laying there suffering; both of us without a clue how to fix it.

I imagine my feelings and thoughts here are nothing unusual. Grieving for any being we love might include what I went through last night. Most of us have had to deal with it at least once or twice in our lives. Knowing this certainly does nothing to diminish the deep sadness we inflict on ourselves when faced with the hard times of a loved one. I guess it is just one of the rules of being human. To look at what another's pain is doing to us. Selfish maybe. But maybe a needed part of protecting us from falling apart.

So, we will monitor Maggie for awhile and hope she doesn't scare the shit out of us again like that. 

Damn Dog.

Hmm ........... What to pick for music? Music about dogs? Music about Grieving? 

Here is a nice little blues number from Pink Floyd called, "Seamus". Short and sweet with some nice blues riffs on piano. Enjoy.