Friday, November 13, 2009

The Men Who Stare at Sheep

sunshine does a weekly review of movies that have recently come out. This past Wednesday she did a review on the new movie "The Men who stare at Goats".

Ever since the trailers for this movie starring an ensemble cast of super stars began to ooze from my television set, I naturally utilized my sick sense of humor and considered a porn movie starring overall clad goobers with straws hangin out their mouths walking into the barn and well you can imagine where it went from there. All in the name of humor of course. Of course.

It would be filmed in grainy black and white with celluloid scratches coming and going across the screen like the porn movies I saw as a teen back in the 1960s. The lighting would be hit or miss. The sound poorly dubbed and the acting especially awful. But the sheep........well the sheep would be delightful. Done up with ribbons and deep red lipstick, these ewes would be to die for.

The typical plot would unfold. Your local feed delivery guy would walk into the barn with a 50 pound sack of Purina's finest feed. Ellen Ewe, played by Ellen herself, would bat her long lashes and find some way to lure this poor workman from his daily rounds. Naturally how could this simple man, this man who drives a feed truck resist such charms.

In keeping with the spirit of porn films from the 1950s and 60s, the scene would immediately change and we are now witnessing an inspired and enthusiastic rendition of ravaging and savaging. Suddenly Farmer John comes in and throws his hands up.

"Oh No Ellen, how could you? And with the feed truck driver delivery guy!"

Agitated and heartsick, Farmer John grabs a pitch fork and brandishes it in their general direction.

Staying true to the roots of the classics, an immediate doesn't tie into the plot scene change jerks us back to the real reason we came.

Farmer John is now having his way with Ellen, while Feed Truck Guy sits back groping her. Ellen is smiling. A sheepish grin of course.

The End...........

(354 / 9880)


Demeur said...

Sounds like a film smuggled out of Montana.

What do you call a guy from Montana with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

The Blog Fodder said...

How do New Zealanders find sheep in tall grass?


sunshine said...

Wow! Are you sure you aren't Canadian because this sounds an awful lot like some Canadian films...
And I think I would go see it...


susana said...

so when do the chickens come onto the scene? Chickens are the best! Lots of cluck,cluck, feathers and drama. =D

NorthCountryLiberal said...

In Germany, we used to call the sheep around the remote Baumholder Training Post "Baumholder Blondes" for a reason.

BBC said...

Ha!!! I posted that picture on my blog a few years ago, she was my girlfriend in Montana before I moved here.

Montana, where the men are men and the sheep are lying hussies.

Beach Bum said...


Randal Graves said...

And here I thought all you people in Maine did was fish, eat lobster, and stalk Stephen King. Buncha hedonists, boom chicka wow wow wow.

MRMacrum said...

Demeur - We can't afford to shoot on location. The local Motel 6 will have to do.

Blog Fodder - And here I thought that was what the bells were for.

sunshine - No, just a wannabe

susana - I was going to include them. But they held out for more money. Maybe in the sequel if this one does well.

North Country Liberal -There's always a reason in Germany.

BBC - Well see you blew it. Now she's a star.

Beach Bum - If you can't take this seriously, you can leave anytime.

Randall - No, that's what all the high pocket folks do over to the coast. Inland, we have more tradtional American values.

Chef Cthulhu said...

This sounds like quality stuff...if I order online, does it arrive discreetly wrapped in brown paper with a non-identifiable-as-pr0n-peddlers return address?

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Scotland: where men are men, and sheep are nervous.

Where were your ancestors from, again, Crum?


Kulkuri said...

Just a little film about animal husbandry.

Why was the farmer crying?? He heard the song, "There will never be another ewe."

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