Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Damn Cats

A recent post about cats by Snave over to Various Ecstasies naturally got me to pondering my own relationship with the shrinking population of felines we try to control in this house. The little shits are so photogenic. Cute little fur balls that seem so innocent. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well a picture can also hide a thousand words.

Okay, I guess if you only live with one or two of them, they can seem to be nothing but fun filled fuzzy diversions from your day. I am here to deflate that myth. No. Not deflate it. Ruin it. I feel it is my duty as a human who is owned by cats to cry out a warning about what these little usurpers are really about.

They are really smart. That is the one thing you need to realize. Much smarter than the size of their craniums would indicate. Never ever underestimate them. They have one mission in life. To create as much inconvenience and upheaval as they can. If you buy new drapes, they will hang from them before you even have all of them up. You just put that freshly hung on the line bed cover back on. One of them will step up and start to convulse from the butt forward, flinging some almost processed mouse guts onto that brand clean blanket. If the litter tray maintenance is not to their liking, you better check your slippers before putting them on. And never own a bean bag chair if you have cats. Apparently they cannot resist the urge to create yellow pools in the damn things. I swear I saw them waiting in line once for their chance to add their pints worth.

I like my little buddies. I have great fun with them. All six of them. But that doesn't mean I trust them.


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Doc said...

It's nice to have some pussy around the house but siz sounds like four too many!


Demeur said...

Cats don't have owners they have secretaries. Does yours have you properly trained?

sunshine said...

Haha! Great post!
I love cats too. We only have one and his name is Mysterio. A stray that we adopted.. or rather, he came in and stayed. :)

I'd love to get another cat but we already have 4 pets. Anymore and I'll be able to start up my own road side zoo....


Randal Graves said...

Six of them? I thought our four were bad. You have my condolences.

MRMacrum said...

Doc - No such thing as too much.

Demeur - Thay have my wife bamboozled. But I know their game and refuse to play it.

sunshine - remember two cats are more than twice the pain inthe ass as one cat.

randal - Well I am actually feeling more more cat free now. At one time not too long ago we did have 9 regular residents of the feline persuasion and up to 20 or so when we were fostering regularily.

Carlita said...

I actually like cats a lot, too, but I am so ridiculously allergic to them that ever owning one is out of the question.

Kulkuri said...

Six cats is six too many. The Old Lady has two and I keep telling her we need to get to where we have no pets. They are useless and destructive and tie you down and those are their good points!!