Thursday, January 15, 2009

Where's a straight Razor When I Need It

As I type this I am watching some super scrubbing spyware program dig out all the nasties that my regular cleaning crew has missed. As I type this I would much rather be pounding the asshole who came up with "Antivirus 2009" a new one. Yeah it is a clever virus and it completely takes control of your Internet connection. Had I not had the old computer in storage as "a ship in ordinary" , i would be totally screwed. I was actually about to conduct bike shop business last night and list some items for sale to attempt to generate some income for the shop. So this is more than just being a severe personal inconvenience. It has messed with my business and I am now not the happy jolly guy I was two days ago............................

Seventeen hours later our poor and bedraggled protagonist sits forlornly at his desk feeling....... well, feeling beaten and cowed under the hob nailed boots of russian computer thugs who have taken control of his computer. He resents their cavalier and brutish invasion and would smite them down in an instant if he could. His connection to the rest of the World broken, our hero is reduced to punching keys on an ancient keyboard through a tired eleven year old hard drive while squinting at a 13 inch cathode tube screen that forgot long ago what real colors looked like. Adding insult to injury, our fallen champion finds himself $50 lighter in the pocket after a failed attempt to buy his way out of trouble.

Pity this poor man. For he deserves pity if nothing else for all his wasted heroic effort. He sits a fallen hero, a hero who may never rise up to meet evil again. For he has given up and realized his fate is now to be chained to this desk and desperately and futilely in ever weakening blows try to fight his way back into the light. But each keystroke gets weaker. Each click of the mouse less pronounced. He has lost his will to fight. The poor bastard.

So went my day here in Acton, Maine. Not just a day like any other day. Somewhere I have hoped to find the nerve to say it has been fun and full of excitement. But after the fourth unsuccessful scan and fix, watching all the objects in the counter get counted down kind lost it's luster and appeal. All in all, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.


Anonymous said...

I'm trying NOT to buy into the APPLE and MAC propaganda. There's just too many programs not available for the MAC users. But there's also too many times when NO program is available for me when I've got a virus.

Could this all be due to wanting to shave your beard off? Hair karma?

BBC said...

Sorry to hear that you are having problems. In all my years on the internet I have only picked up one virus and it was through an email.

I guess I've just been really lucky that way, but I am careful where I go on the internet. Don't do porn sites and such, don't click on any link if it doesn't feel right.

I've never had to run a clean up program, but my day may be coming.

But I won't try to fix it. I'll jerk it out and take it to the computer shop I bought it from and half a day and seventy-five bucks later it will be ready to rock and roll again.

I used to teach all of that, but I don't even try to keep up with it anymore.

I just use the free AVG anti virus and let it go at that.

Randal Graves said...

We're not going to read about a bearded American man brandishing a straight razor run amok in Moscow in the near future, are we?

Middle Ditch said...

Yikes, not nice at all. I hope things are getting better soon.

MRMacrum said...

Dana - Seems just wanting to change my ways has created odd bits of upheval in my life. Karma may be at work here. But I can be damn tenacious when I decide to get off the couch.

BBC - In the 15 years I have been on the Internet, we have had one other virus this bad. The other one was about 12 years ago and it came via Email before the advent of the excellent filters that are available now. Like the last one, some valuable lessons have been learned and hopefully retained. We will now restore the system by purging everything from it including the operating system. I hate to do it as it is a pain in the ass as I remember. But sometimes you have just have to suck it up.

Randall - In that I basically refuse to fly anymore after spending too many years in an airplane as a youngster, the Russian thugs are safe as long as they don't visit Acton. I just received my first used razor and it is a beauty. If it is dull and needs work, then I wonder just how sharp a good edge really is. The damn thing is, excuse me here, razor sharp. I will need to learn how to handle it. Way different than a knife.

Demeur said...

Okay let me once again play Mac salesman. Geez I should be getting a comission by now. There's nothing that windoze makes that can't be run on a Mac. You can actually run both operating systems at the same time. Although I don't know why anyone would want to. From what I've heard there's only about two or three viruses for Mac and I have yet to see them.
Running a windoze machine to me is like owning a model T. If you like to keep fiddling with defrag and reinstalls, updateds and viruses then more power to you. I've got better things to do with my life.

I say keep the beard and buy a Mac.

Dawn on MDI said...

wow. and people say women are high-drama. damn.

Computer stuff stinks. Wish I had even the smallest clue to offer as help. I know that pain. I wish I could ease it. I am tempted to encourage you to go with macs - they're far better machines all around. Wish I had one.

Good luck!