I will sit here and begin post after post. Lay down one, maybe two sentences and suddenly that which had been a spark ends up being just that, nothing but a spark. I hoped I could turn this idea into something or take that thought someplace I never dreamed of before I started. Often I am successful. Most days it seems I have something to say on just about anything one would care to mention. Without even an inkling or close to a clue, I will gladly flap my non verbal gums I think just to hear them smack together. Gonna share my opinion whether you like it or not.
Not tonight. Even though I probably have written two thousand words today, I have shit-canned the bunch as not reflecting whatever it is I want reflected. Like looking in a mirror, closing my eyes and then opening them hoping for a different result, I have begun seven or eight posts today. And every one ends like the reflection in the mirror. Same ugly mug looks back and today it is not what i was hoping to find.
I have tried music. I have tried walking away for an hour or two. I have even tried the tried and true. Looked for an inspiring image , news story and even pulled out the one sentence trick I sometimes find inspiration in. No go. The well ain't dry, I just can't find the bucket.
So I will now go through what I have previously written and pick the best of the rest. In all those words there has to be something I can throw out there and at least still look myself in the eye.
I have one more time been taught the lesson that as soon as I begin to feel like I am in control.........As soon as I decide that all the recent chaos and upheaval that visits me is in hand and a suitable plan has been formed and instituted to meet said chaos, I begin the chest puffing process and allow the buttons on my shirt strain from undeserved pride in a job done half assed at best. I should be aware that I am but a boast away, an over confident moment from finding out that I may not be under the outhouse, but I am sure as Hell close enough to mingle with the smell.
I have not as yet, deleted some of the jive ass "I have the World by the short hairs" words that follow this admission at some point further down in the post. I have not decided whether I should leave those cocky words as witness to my overblown legend in my own mind. I'll figure that out later. No, did it now. The words are gone. But take my word on this, I was full of myself for sure.
I had finally come to grips with my temporary set back into stone age computing and even began to enjoy the noticeable simplicity of it when compared to all the bells and whistles my new computer bombards me with. Less memory, less things to think about. Seemed to make sense.
And then I boneheaded it. First I tried to play a Utube video with the idea of pasting it into this post. Remember the less memory, less thinking thing? The double edged blade is that with a lower IQ, the ability of this simpler machine to multi task is almost nil. So throw a video and music on it's over stressed brain and it begins to go into spasms. Some kind of Computing Grand Mal Seizure follows and I am left here with mouth agape and looking for some kind of stick to shove in it's C-drive mouth.
Helpless and without the necessary medical training for computers gone over the edge, I sit stone still hands frozen over the keys unable to do anything but watch the poor sad tired old machine have a conniption fit. At some point I pull the plug. But the damage has been done. Two more hours of safe mode, scrubbing the guts and talking nice to it before it would sit up and fly right.
It is Martin Luther King Day. I will not dwell on the timely occurence of this day we show national respect to arguably one of the greatest American Blacks to come down the pike. The cause he championed and died for is now bearing serious fruit. It is a shame he is not here to see Obama swear to serve and protect us tomorrow. But he is not. I am sure he would ne pleased. And if there really is a retirement community in the sky from which the good and decent can view things after they move to the clouds, he is probably grinning ear to ear. I know I am.
There's more, but I will spare you and me from the ordeal. Think I'll just punch up some more music , sit back, and try to figure out why it was such a struggle today. Won't waste much time though. Some days just don't go down without a struggle.