Friday, September 26, 2008

My Other Life

The other part of my existence commonly known as "My Life" is such a damn nuisance. It just won't leave me alone. I whisper to myself, "Ignore it, it'll get tired and go home." But no, everywhere I turn, there it is in my face.

Nagging me, yanking on my pants leg and in a whiny voice, "Mister.....mister? MISTER?........The roof needs fixin ya know." Or Life might simply tell me to find that g-d'ed list this morning and this time put a dent in it.

The saying goes, "Celebrate Life". As a rule, I do not consider mowing the lawn, painting the barn, or slopping the hogs as any type of celebration. And I definitely do not feel that doing Roof Work of any type could be considered close to Celebrating Life. Roof Work is the antithesis of celebrating. On a scale of jobs I hate the most, Roof Work just barely nips out Septic Work in my personal guide of chores to avoid. Both are absolutely necessary when one backs up or the other one leaks in. Like hemorrhoids, both are a pain in the ass and will not be ignored.

So I have two choices here. I can hope to win Power Ball in the next week or so so I can afford to hire a crew of guys to take care of the roof for me. So far that hope has been dashed. Week after week of hoping Power Ball will set me free. You would think at some point the odds would tilt in my favor. Jeezum.

With empty pockets and a lack of will, it was easy to avoid the inevitable for quite some time. No longer. The roof has pushed any and all other handyman responsibilities to the back burner. There will be no leaks this winter. Well, that's the goal anyway.

To make sure this is the last roof I put on my house by myself, I am pulling out all the stops. I will strip the metal roof I put on 25 years ago. I will strip off the wooden runners. I will then strip off the two layers of shingles under the wooden runners and the metal roof. I will replace any sheathing deemed not up to the task of another 30 years duty. Then I will put foam insulation down. Followed quickly by some plywood sheathing. And then I am going to cover it all in Ice Shield. Not just the first 6 feet, but the whole G'd'ed mess. Every square foot right up to the ridge. And finally some 30 year architectural shingles as my finishing touch.

As I wrote the previous paragraph, I began a mental tally of the hours needed for one man to accomplish it. Not sure why I punished myself that way, but I did. My calculating brain almost overloaded and blew a fuse when I got to 120 man hours and I had not even added in the final shingle laying. Better to avoid this part. It might just make me roll over and go back to sleep instead of pulling out a ladder.

It has to be a solo operation. Two reasons. Money would be one. But the more important one is I want to do it by myself. I don't argue with myself as much as I do when someone else is on the roof. I don't have to explain my madness to myself. I am already kinda on the same page there. Of course, at some point, this pre-emptive bravado will most likely degenerate into hopeless self pity and some of my friends will get a phone call.

Anyway, this post is a heads up that I may be missing in action from the Blog world for awhile. I will be around and post when I can, but the next month is going to be focused on celebrating "My Other Life". The one I step out into everyday.

But then maybe not. Maybe I will be able to post and roof at the same time. There have been rare occaisions in my life that I was able to handle two things at once.


Dawn on MDI said...

You do realize, of course, that a tropical storm/nor'easter is moving into Maine as we speak, gradually moving up the coast and preparing to dump three solid days' worth of rain on us? Might I suggest NEXT weekend for your project? Just a thought. Good luck, though.

MRMacrum said...

dawn - Yeah I caught wind of the upcoming climatic twitching. I have much prep work first. Scoring some staging. Planning my approach. I had planned to give the Month of October over to this little fix up chore. The Rain this weekend is fine. It will not interfere with anything.

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

But the more important [reason] is I want to do it by myself.

I can relate. I am notorious for not wanting any help on a project. I like to complete the task alone, and then I spend some quality time complaining like hell about the amount of time it took.

It's too bad that you want to do this roof solo. I had my car almost fully packed with tools and scaffolding and a compressor and a case of Canadian beer, and would have been on the road and on my way down before the end of the day. But then I read the money line, quoted above, and had to call the whole thing off.

Hopefully the roof, as is, can withstand this weekend's rain.

Randal Graves said...

I don't know whether to salute your stubborn resolve or scoff. But then I remembered that none of us has any money and decided to go with the former.

Good luck with your Bob Vila-izing.

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

My people are "Frisbeetarions", and we believe when we die our souls go up on the roof---so if you find any Frisbees up there---kinda treat em gentle will ya.---maybe throw em back up on the new roof once ya got done---.

Demeur said...

Too bad I'm not on your side of the country. I've ripped more roofs than I care to remember. A lot of them have asbestos paper underneath. And I'm not doing anything right now. So I'll be there at least in spirit.

American Hill BIlly said...


I've done my share of roof's. Look into a product called Titanium. It is a cheaper solution to both tar paper, and the ice shield. Instead of two squares per roll, and heavy, it has ten squares per roll, and is lighter than one roll of tar paper.

It has the ice shield rating, and is guaranteed to last past six months on a roof without being protected.

It costs a fraction more, but the ease, and durability of the product make it worth it.

United In Peace And Freedom

BBC said...

Old roofs with a few layers on them can be a bitch to deal with.

About four years ago I tore the two layers of old asphalt roofing off of this place.

Installed a layer of expensive underlayment instead of felt, and and a new layer of rolled asphalt roofing. Or whatever it is they make it out of anymore.

Only got about two thirds of it done before the weather got to bad for me to finish it as I was still working a job at the time.

And of course I was fucking around with all my other adventures and experiences.

So I laid down sheets of cloth and painted them to the tin that I hadn't gotten removed on that third of the building yet.

The last few years we have some stronger than normal storms and winds and that part of the roof is the only part that has held well and not gave me any trouble.

Those old guys in the sailing days got it right when they put clothe roofs on their boat cabins, it becomes one with the cabin and that's the only way I will ever do a roof again, clothe, paint, cheap, solid as a rock, done deal other than a fresh coat of paint every so often.

Sometimes the old ways are still a lot better than the new ways. Well, just my two bits worth. But it's how I sealed my camper roof a few months ago and I assure you that it will never leak again.

BBC said...

Unless you are having some real issues I would put it off until next year and get started on it sooner in the summer season.

Not that I ever put shit off until I'm working in less than good conditions. LOL

Middle Ditch said...

Funny enough my husband and I have just come off the roof.

Actually my husband came off the roof, I was standing below handing him things and telling him where to go. Fingers crossed that when we get a storm it's alright.

Good luck