Thursday, December 01, 2005

A Needed Time Out

Yes, I have been missing in action of late. A bit of floundering here, too much time spent on forums there, and in between some work, sleep and random naval contemplation. Before I knew it, a month had passed. Is it really December 1st, 2005?

It's odd. I was sure I had my forum addiction under control. But last month I went on a binge. Fell off the wagon and gorged myself. I slammed an average of 30-40 posts a day on some obscure bike forums. I was touched in the head. I was incensed and crazed. I was over the edge. Wow!

One of the forums became so rowdy with spittle spewing cyclists blasting and flaming each other to smithereens, the mods felt obliged to break it up. And break it up they did. I'd like to blame it on one particularily obnoxious troll from Las Vegas. A troll of the highest order. His specialty, one liners that were not even close to clever. I do not usually feed the trolls, but this guy was asking for it. So I went after him hard. Chased him from thread to thread like some lunatic dog mindlessly clamped hard onto a bone. Every time he posted, I was right there. The rest of my life on hold while I looked for any opening to peel back his feelings and lay them bare. I fileted him, chopped and diced his Freeper ass. Nummer than a pounded thumb, he kept coming back. At some point, pwning his sorry butt became tedious and old. The satisfaction of getting over on him left my mouth tasting bad. The SOB outlasted me. How could that be?

Just then the fearsome arm of the law swept in. With one post, Ms K. Brown busted heads, crushed egos, and spanked us convincingly. When she was done, no one posted anyhing for about 5 minutes. It was creepy. Threatening to close the forum, she insisted we clean up our act, stay on topic and be nicey nice to everyone. I will admit to being quite impressed with the fire and brimstone post she laid down this day. When I was done reading it, I knew I did not want to mess with this woman at this moment with some wise ass remark. She was not just throwing down, she was ready to kick ass. Chew us up, puke, and gobble us down again just to re-state her point.

I was stunned into a blank place for a moment. Usually ready with the clever and biting comeback, I was renderd mute. I re-gained my composure and realized anybody else there at the moment felt the same as I. I re-read her tirade. Calmer and not off guard, I was able to see that my first impression was correct. She was definitely not happy. Supposedly civil and well adjusted cycling adults had degenerated into a rabble out of control and in full riot mode. At least that is how she painted the picture. And that is why she rained on our parade.

Naturally I felt her assessment was a tad harsh. A bit of overkill in an over-reacting kinda way. We were just doing what we did. SSDD. Apparently not. So I tiptoed a neutral post her way with just the slighest hint of snottiness. Testing the waters, I threw myself into the pit, first to fall on my sword. No reaction. Nothing. Like a tornado, she was here, now she's gone. Our comfortable and contentious existence rudely uprooted and stuffed up our ass.

I guess we deserved it. I had become less than civil on several occaisions. Called people dumass and made rude, crude comments on folk's ancestory. But caught up in a world of like minded souls, I did not notice my nasty self. We was all nasty, just some more nasty than others. Odd how a group mood can turn ugly like that. We had become combatting lynch mobs. The Neoconsenseless up against the lilly livered simpering liberals. It was great! I was in pig heaven. Giving as good as I got, I took no prisoners and came to the rescue and support of my buds. Epic internet squabbling.

Which brings me to my point for the day.
The lesson learned.
What I learned in the classroom of Life today.

Don't piss off Ms Brown
Don't make her unhappy
Ruin her day
Cuz if she has to come back there
You will for sure
Lose all your short hairs

Now please do not scowl
Let your face turn to a frown
Cuz she's watching you
With the hard eyes of Ms Brown

Don't be a clown
No foolin around
or Ms Brown will kick
Your sorry butt right out of town

Random Stream
Instantly the trailer is upside down and we have to pull Aunt Myrtle out of the oaks out back. The dog's nowhere nearby and our cats haven't come down yet. Still I look for something familar, untouched and still around. But everywhere I look is different. Changed forever. The barn's gone and the tractor too. Hated that tractor. Good riddance. The pick up is flipped up with someone's tub holding it down. Devastation and destruction as far as the eye can see.

What is that? That, right there. I focus and it appears prominent. Undisturbed as if no storm had passed. The red birdhouse I built in 8th grade shop class had survived unscathed. As I begin to appreciate the luck of this miracle, a bird pops out, chirps and takes off. Disappearing into the tattered trees off to the east, I can still hear the defiance as that bird exulted in it's own survival.