Friday, November 18, 2011

Sugar Plum Fairies, Flags & the Last Commie

The Sugar Plum Fairy of St. Charles, Missouri has been fired.  It's comical on one hand and a sad statement on the other about how tight folks' butts are getting in some parts of this nation.  Add in the recent refusal of a bakery to bake a wedding cake for a lesbian couple tying the knot and I  wonder if we are not slipping back into the "Good Ole Days" like so many folks seem to want.  The good ole days that also had hidden in the shadows, the bad ole days.  Apparently from the two stories, some want them included as well.

Then I read that viewing the US flag can cause one to vote Republican.  I have been wondering what the cause was.  I knew it had to be something simple and direct. So I stared at one for an hour.  Seems a change has come over me............................

I punched up a profile of Canada put together by the BBC.  Maybe it was my computer, but all I got was a blank page.  I don't think it was my computer.  BBC obviously has nothing to say about Canada.  Even after reinstalling the Queen as the head of their country, Canada still can't get any respect from the Brits.  It's understandable they get no respect from the US.  They're our next door neighbors.  At least they ain't rowdy and out of control like our neighbors to south are.  But man are they boring.  Booooooooring.  No riots.  No drug killings.  Just a bunch of ice drivin, tree choppin oil drillin hockey watchin fools who like better beer than we do.

I did not punch up the BBC profile of the US.  Now that I have stared the flag down and become a good American and all, I knew anything some wannabe Euro trash media outfit might come up with would be a pack of lies and innuendos.  After all, their own history books tell the story of the revolution all wrong.  We kicked their wanker butts and some clown with a Sir in front of his name tries to tell me King George lll had other fish to fry and finally just got tired of us "Colonists".  Yeah right.  Then he goes on to compare England's handling of "the Colonies" to our commie ass kickin crusade in Viet Nam.   Shoot.  Where does he come up with this crap?  We kicked butt in 1776 and again in 1966.  As long as more of them die than us, then we win.  Right?

I noticed the last Munchkin died.  Though I finally grew up to be a burly bad ass American male who had to fight the chicks off with a stick, when I was wee small the Munchkins gave me nightmares.  Maybe it was their outfits, their smaller than normal stature, but I think it was their swarming ways and funny voices.  Like some surrealistic minature lynch mob all dressed the same, they would surround me and ..........anyway, I figured out why they made me nervous.  I think they were all actually commie plants.  As evidence, the last Munchkin was not born here.  He was from Ucrania, Slavickastan, one of those hammer and sickle countries over there on one side of Europe or the other. Pink as the day he was born.

Maybe now I can sleep at night.

Not sure where this came from.  But stare at the Stars & Stripes for an hour without blinking and see what it does to you.


Tom Harper said...

I tried that too, staring at the American flag for an hour. And now I see stripes and stars everywhere, and everything is shimmering and pulsating.


he's not dead...he's off to see the wizard.

BBC said...

I don't think anyone takes Canada serious, not even them.

Maybe now I can sleep at night.

Try a double shot of Brandy straight up right at bedtime.


It has a strange effect on me, I can drink almost a fifth of it and still feel alert and not buzzed. But the next day I sleep though most of it.

The day after that I feel like I've been poisoned and my gut churns all day.

susan said...

If you believe Canadians aren't rowdy and out of control you haven't heard the hubbub that occurs weekend nights after the bars close.

Mr. Charleston said...

For God's sake, I'm sending you an emergency ration of the Confederate flag. Maybe you'll storm Wall St.

Beach Bum said...

What Mr. Charleston said!!!

I'd actually like to find some place boring, as long it is near the equator, I've been thinking a lot about Belize lately.

Randal Graves said...

Should I break out my copy of Dark Side of the Moon?

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

The Munchkins weren't communist. I'm pretty sure they were Republicans.

Ol'Buzzard said...

Stare at the flag for an hour...I can think of better ways to kill brain cells.
the Ol'Buzzard

MRMacrum said...

Tom Harper - Now you know why Sarah's eyes were always so sparkling when she mentioned seeing Russia from her back porch.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY - Oh I see, he just stepped out for a moment. Does this mean I can expect my nightmares to return?

BBC - Maybe we should take a lesson from them damn Canadians, eh?

susan - Well, that's a kind of hub bub heard in every burg in every town everywhere. Like a train passing on schedule. Nobody notices it unless there's a wreck.

Mr. Charleston - The Stars n Bars? That's so yesterday. Send me some Old Glory underwear instead.

Beach Bum - I am sure Belize has been thinking of you or anyone else with money in their pocket.

Randal - Only if it will get the Sugar Plum Fairy her job back.

Susan Flett Swiderski - Well thanks for swinging by. I would have gusseyed up the joint if I knew you were coming......No, that's a lie.

I have to disagree about Munchkins being Republicans. Commies are all about uniformity, toeing the party line, and being loyal to the motherland.........Oh wait, uh, Geez......Never mind.

Ol'Buzzard - No you can't. But I dare you to try.

Kold_Kadavr_flatliner, sub/dude said...

God blessa youse -Fr. Sarducci, ol SNL