Sunday, November 06, 2011

Free Range Time

It is a sure thing I did it to myself. Let it eat at me and build until my destiny was fulfilled by my own dire predictions, my own negative waves.

The Time Change. Forward, back, it makes no difference. Both mess with my mind. It takes me three maybe four weeks to get my biorhythms dialed into the change. I hate the time changes so much, I bet I have some other posts about it already. Some things a man never gets tired of whining about.

My big jewel store clock on the office wall tells me it is 4:34 AM. About my normal waking time in recent months. The clock on the computer, which apparently never forgets to move the hours around when scheduled, well that damn clock is telling me it is 3:34 AM and I should still be in bed sawing Zs and catching flies. Once again, the damn government is not considering my individual needs, making excuses like it's for "the greater good". Yeah right. I know what it is. One more back door way to subjugate us and make us bend to their will. Evil bastards.

And people ask why I make such a big deal about the time change. "Suck it up dude, it's happening whether you like it or not." Oh yeah? Well, I'm not going to put up with this blatant form of torture, which I might add is just shy of waterboarding on the scale of what torture is worse than another. No I am damn well going to be like Indiana and create my own time zone based on any capricious needs I may have at any given moment. Call it Free Range time keeping. Screw the government goons and their arm twisting ways to make us conform.

From now on when someone asks what time is it, "Well now just what time would you like it to be?...........Uh, you say you hope it is around ten o'clock. Well this is your lucky day, it is indeed around ten o'clock. Hell it might even be exactly ten o'clock if that is what you want it to be. Or four o'clock, maybe even seven-thirty.....whatever blows your dress up. Because you see if you are within eye shot of me and I am within eye shot of you then you are in the CRUM Time Zone. Time does not rule the CRUM Time Zone. The people in the CRUM Time Zone push the buttons and make Time bend to their will. The time is whatever you want it to be."

If pressed for further details, as if this was not enough information, but well, some people have to be led by their noses before they get the gist of a something, - anyway if pressured to expand on what exactly CRUM Time means, I would say, "CRUM Time means you can never be late. You can never be early. You are always on time because time is decided by you for you."

I know what you are thinking. Wouldn't it cause major havoc and mayhem if everyone was on CRUM Time? Okay so there are some bugs to work out. No great idea was ever hammered out overnight. I will say this. If everyone was on CRUM Time, this world would slow down to a pace I might be able to keep up with.



The Blog Fodder said...

I don't have a problem with the time change or not time change. I just wish everyone would do one or the other, otherwise it is simply confusion in this interconnected world. It was fine when no one went anywhere and communication around the world was unheard of.

Russia is staying on Summer Time all winter this year so Moscow is now two hours ahead of us and Abakan five hours. Saskatchewan never changes so now it is eight hours behind us instead of nine. Works better for daytime calls on business but not for evening calls when my kids might be home.

Trying to keep all the time changes straight is the biggest pain. We changed the last Sunday of October. You are changing the first Sunday of November.

We are not much further ahead in keeping the world organized than when Standard time was invented.

Occupy Big Ben!

squatlo said...

I was just sitting down to rant about this myself, and might yet. PIsses me off every damn time, and we've spent the past ten minutes walking around the house adjusting clocks like idiots for this silly shit no one likes!

Ol'Buzzard said...

My wife and I lived in the Indian and Eskimo villages of Alaska for eleven years - the villages ran on CRUM time - we just didn't have the name for it.
the Ol'Buzzard

BBC said...

Almost everyone hates the time changes but a minority keeps it in place with brainwashing bullshit.