Saturday, March 21, 2009

1001 Ways to Armageddon

After another session of sensory overload on a political and religious forum, I seem to have lost any enthusiasm for making it through another day. The purveyors of doom n gloom on both sides have convinced me that no matter what, we are all through. Done. Kaput. It's all over, don't even bother to shout. Some of the prognosticators limit the damage to just this country and our apple pie way of Life. Others take a broader view and include the Planet as a whole. Regardless, it has been decided that there is no use. Any resistance or keeping a stiff upper lip is futile. Writing a will is no longer necessary.

The law of averages would indicate that with so many opinions out there about the upcoming regional or global Armageddon, one of them has to be right. Right?

If the economy doesn't get us, the shadow world government run by and for Aliens will. Then there is that religious twist. The forthcoming Anti-Christ and his smack down match with God puts that nail of finality into our collective coffins with a bullet. And who can forget Mother Nature and how we have worn out our welcome by shitting in our own nest. She can't be happy.

There is an upside to all this though. It is a selfish upside I take no real pleasure in. I do not want to over do the selfish part and laugh and point fingers. All those years I wasted not accumulating wealth, property, and good standing seems to have been the correct course given what we are now facing. Knowing that we cannot prepare for survival, only prepare to die makes all my wasted years seem worth it. There is no pension in the After Life.

Which brings me to what happens when this inevitable calamity befalls us. Again, so many opinions, so many choices. One just has to be correct. With almost 7 billion people crowding the planet, one of them has to hit this nail on the head.

One scenario I like if only because it fits in with my love of anything smacking of Sci/Fi, is that we will either become enslaved and be forced to waiting on tentacled Aliens hand and foot for the next 30,000 years. Or we become the stockyard to the stars. If the former, I will attempt to wheedle my way into the gardening department. I like working outdoors. If we become meat, then I suppose I will hope there is room in the stud farm. Being a guy, the idea of being a bull instead of a steer appeals to my machismo side.

Mother Nature wreaking havoc and destruction and tossing us back into the primordial stew seems kind of heartless. But there it is. She's done it before and I am sure she will not waste any tears when she does it again. For this potential eventuality I have no plan. I will just have to suck it up and know that in another million years or so, a new life form will be pumping me into their internal combustion engine at I hope will be a reasonably high price.

God and his army offer the best hope of having something positive come out of all this. It just depends how good a God follower I was while alive. If I have sinned and not sought to confess these sins, I am toast. God has a special place for me. Maybe I should convert to Judaism. I hear the only Hell they suffer is living with Mom. But alas, I am afraid it is too late for this sarcastic heathen to lay claim to any righteousness God might find worthy. If God and his armies descend upon us, I will be one of the first to go.

With so many awesome and powerful forces aiming their ill will at us, it doesn't matter which one gets us. One of them surely will. Damn, I hope that Mayan Calendar is off by a hundred years or so.

See Ya..................

(674 / 9044)

12 comments:

Utah Savage said...

I'm kind of smug about my life of poverty. Oh yes, there was a time I made a little hourly scratch, but I worked only enough to take care of my immediate needs. Models and actors in a non union state are contract labor. I have no retirement fund to lose, no sanity to lose either. I live in my garage and rent my house, I keep my head above water and though the water may be rising, I know how to swim. Plus there's this--I never planned to live this long and if it all gets too bad, I'll just off myself. I'm not all that thrilled with life for life's sake as it is. Cheery, aren't I?

Thank you for the help. You did so much work on the first chapter. La Bellete reminded me to show, not tell, for the second chapter. That sent me into a frenzy of cutting. The third chapter is small and not that bad. No one but you took me seriously, and it's a hard and thankless job. I'm very grateful for the work you did, but you can't spend my gratitude. I'll now go back to posting you tube clips.

Anonymous said...

Ahhhhaaa, Your post brings me back to the good old days of Armageddon.

Randal Graves said...

All those wacky end-timers sure are gonna be shocked when The Apocalypse® turns out to be the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Since we are doomed, might as well find something to occupy the time until we get cosmically liquidated by an unseen asteroid, turned into gravy for alien pork chops or irradiated over the latest and greatest international dick-waving contest.

Kulkuri said...

Have you noticed how those on the Never-Right are always scared shitless about something or other. I have never worried about the whole thing going to hell. There have been some rough times, but I have survived long enough to sign up for Rocking Chair.

As for being taken over by Aliens, I agree it is better to be a stud bull than a steer. How to get them to consider keeping the old bull instead of the young studs???

"If God and his armies descend upon us, I will be one of the first to go." No, the first to go will be the true believers in the Rapture. Saw a bumper sticker that said, "Come the Rapture, can I have your car??" That's why they don't care about the environment, why bother if it is all going to be destroyed come the Rapture???

As a friend of mine says, "Keep it by-tween the balsams".

A Midnight Rider said...

Forturnately the idea of heaven and hell don't pertain to me. I can only imagine getting drunk and horney in some bar in heaven looking over and seeing only Mother Teresa. How many burbons would that take?

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

Its raining as I write this, your post adds to the over all dismal aspects of the immediate future, and this afternoon I throw myself into a car dealership to negotiate the procurement of a new vehicle, like hows that for masochistic?----but then the sun will come out tomorrow, and life, (which outside of politics, religion and tabloid end of the world predictions), ain't all that bad-----

Demeur said...

God and aliens aside it does look like we're setting up for the perfect storm. If we don't off ourselves by our own stupidity we might just have a chance. Like the roaches we are some of will survive. We are still at the top of the food chain the last time I looked.

BBC said...

There is only one way to get there, to make it a self fulling prophecy.

But I think that there will be pockets of humanity left here and there that can start over again in wiser ways.

This of course remains to be seen.

BBC said...

All those wacky end-timers sure are gonna be shocked when The Apocalypse® turns out to be the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Yeah, I myself believed that for many years. But anyone that believes that these days isn't paying very close attention to the big picture.

Chef Cthulhu said...

The Earth will be destroyed when the Vogons come to demolish it to make way for an interstellar expressway. The plans have been on display for hundreds of years now at a nearby system. It's our own fault we haven't achieved interstellar travel yet.

BBC said...

What in the hell is a Vogon?

Anyone that thinks there is other intelligent life form out there is living a delusion.

And considering all the problems on this planet it's stupid to be spending money looking for it.

If it is that fucking smart it can spend its money to find us. Even if it is out there (and I contend it isn't), two things will go into play.

Deciding who is part of the food chain, will we find them good eating or will they find us good eating.

Who is the most powerful, or at least the most conniving. Getting on top takes a lot of conniving you know, just ask any politician.

Chef Cthulhu said...

BBC - Read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams...or look it up on Wikipedia. It will explain everything; funny you seem like someone who would enjoy/have already read it...

We have no evidence of life elsewhere, and the SETI project - listening with radiotelescopes - is unlikely to produce any evidence.

But there is a non-zero probability that it does exist.

IF such a probability has been actualized, and IF anything has gaimed sentience and intelligence enough to try and find out for themselves, they face the same physical constraints and challenges we do - how much (really the tiniest fraction) of the observable universe is actually occupied by stars/planets/galaxies, how far apart they are, the time it takes light to get there, blah blah blah.

And, therefore, we will never be able to declare either way. All we will be able to say is "we have no proof".