"Please Oh Lord, forgive us for we are weak, undeserving congregants who want only to love and serve you. ……God, forgive us our sins and transgressions. Lead us into the light, so we may save our souls. With you to guide us, we will find the true path.”
Jacob paused, opened his eyes and stared intently at his flock.
“For Judgment is real, and you Lord, are a consuming fire. Yet your kindness is what leads us to repentance, because mercy triumphs over judgment."
Jacob stopped. He dropped his hands to the pulpit, gripped the edges hard. Silent moments passed; enough moments for some in his flock to begin fidgeting and looking at each other uneasily. Pastor Andrews finally let his shoulders relax as he exhaled a deep breath. He was uncomfortable and struggling. Everyone in the church could see it. Finally, he found his game face, his face that without a word, told anyone in his presence, here stood a righteous man, a holy man, a man of God who was not afraid of any mortal danger.
"I used to think that ……… think that loving God and following him wherever he lead me would ensure my place in heaven once I had left this mortal coil behind. ……… I was wrong dear friends: wrong on all counts. Following the right path is not so simple as I have led you to believe. I have let you down and dishonored your trust. For that I apologize."
The Pastor paused again and took a moment to find the words he wanted to share next.
“My father was a preacher like me. I learned to love the Bible and God through him and his teachings. My father was a simple man; a life is black or white man. He was positive there were no grey areas or grey moments in anyone’s life. He knew God was always present to guide and pass judgment should we fail to live up to Our Lord's standards.”
Jacob pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his brow. He was no longer nervous now. Yet the sweat continued to pour down his face and into his collar.
“My wife left me this morning. Packed her bags, grabbed our daughter and headed out. Where? The where I cannot say, for she refused to tell me. Nor did she indicate the why. I should have seen it coming. It had been coming for years. It was my overbearing pride; a pride so audacious in its mistaken certainty of my infallible righteousness.”
Jacob paused again. This time he used that handkerchief to wipe his eyes. His tears began to mingle with the sweat of his brow. His eyes started to sting and then the sobbing began. Long and deep, his sobs resonated throughout the nave. They were so loud, slight echoes resulted. His parishioners became very unsettled. Several stood up as if to leave. Pastor Andrews saw them. He held up his hands and waved them back to their respective pews.
“I am so sorry folks. Please, this moment of weakness and outburst is over. I did not mean to unload my personal problems in such a way. …… Let me get back to the point I have wanted to make when I first stepped up to the pulpit this morning. It won’t take long.”
He took a brief moment to collect himself.
“As most, if not all of you know, I have not been a tolerant man when it comes to what I deem is un-Christian-like behavior. I have been harshly judgmental of those folks who do not fit into my idea of how a Christian should behave. I have damned them, condemned them, and chastised them mercilessly. ….. And to what end? What do I, as a man of God have to show for all my righteous indignation? Have I brought any of them into our fold? Have I convinced them with my anger to become good Christians? …….. No, I have not.”
Jacob looked out over the filled to capacity nave. The usual disinterested parishioners who slept with their heads back or forward while their open mouths elicited either spittle or soft snores ; and others who spoke in whispers and giggled at them were not in attendance. For once Jacob had everyone’s attention at one time.
“Last week I attempted to shame some heathens into coming to church. After conversations with several I became convinced that not all heathens are evil, sinful Devil worshipers. Heathens are like Christians at their core. Turns out the idea of being Faithful and not Faithful to the Lord in Heaven is a very thin line that separates them. Good and Evil has nothing to do with it. Good and Evil exists in both camps. Faith in God does not.
That heathens may not see the Lord as we do does not make them bad people. ……. If I am to spread the word of God to everyone, I have to realize that good and evil exists everywhere; in every nook and cranny of this planet. Sometimes good people do bad things. Sometimes evil people do good things. The trick for me is how do I reach all of them?”
Another break. Jacob wiped his face, his brow and slowly folded the handkerchief and placed it carefully in the top pocket of his suit.
“At this time I do not have an answer to how I reach people without alienating most of them. I am a true believer and would love everyone to be one. I know now that will never happen. But if I expect to be worthy of God’s love, I need to find a better approach. ….. To that end, I am stepping down as your pastor so that I can take the time to become a better messenger of God’s Plan. I wish all of you the best and may the lord keep you and yours safe. ……Amen.”
Pastor Jacob Andrews then turned on his heels, stepped down from the Altar and exited through the side door. He had not noticed Buddy Dilkins sitting in the last pew. ( @1050 words)
< ~ ~ >
I cannot describe clearly how this story has evolved. I started out writing a simple flash fiction piece about a confrontation between a local fire and brimstone preacher and a crew of Local Yokel Good Ole Boys. Where it has landed now over 3800 words later is as much as a surprise to me as anyone who might be reading it for the first time.
I am told I should have a plan in order to write well. I have no plan. Maybe the words I just wrote support that notion that a plan may have helped........ Maybe not. Regardless, I write for myself first and foremost. And I like where this story is headed. I cannot wait to see what comes next.
Yes, I am going to add another part at least. A part that may or may not tie up the story by coming full circle........ We'll see.
Meanwhile, strive to Keep it 'tween the ditches .........................
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The musical choice for Part Five I found while listening to a playlist I created several years ago. In some ways I feel it is appropriate. Here is "Raise a Little Hell" - Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band.
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