Thursday, May 12, 2011

Wear Clean Underwear on May 21st

I think I was 8 or 9 when I was first confronted with the concept of the end of the World.  My mom and I were on our way north from the Washington DC area to visit my aunt and uncle in Maine.  We stopped in New York City for 3 days and did the tourist thing.  Empire State building, Statue of Liberty, etc.  We spent one day just walking around.  I had never seen buildings so tall, or people so crowded together.

One of our walks was through Central Park.  Apparently there is one area of the park where all the whack jobs congregated.  They would stand at some prominent spot, a park bench or on a concrete wall surrounding a fountain holding signs or the Bible and voice their opinions on any number of subjects.  "The End" was apparently a hot topic.  More than a few had distinct views on when we humans would finally wear out our welcome.  I can remember one fellow was sure we only had a few months left.  He assured me and the small group of onlookers that unless we repented our sins, God was going to plow us under and start over in a few weeks.

Eight year olds tend to take anything an adult says seriously and even worse, literally.  What followed my exposure to this new world view, was probably one of the first serious conversations I had with my mom about anything other than the real world, real time things kids think about.  The guy scared me.  He was serious.  He was an adult.  And he told me the World was going to end.  I had been well schooled by that point to listen seriously when an adult got serious.  I believed him.  My mom talked me down, trying so very hard to keep a straight face. 

Anyway, ever since then I have been fascinated by End of the World theories and warnings.  Over the years I realized that at some point one of the whackos was probably going to nail down the right date.  Odds being what they are and all.  So whenever I see a new End of the World date pop up, my first thought is, "Hey, maybe this one is going to be right."

Imagine my delight when I heard the other day an interview with a fellow who is positive May 21, 2011 is our day of reckoning.  And by October 21, 2011, it is a done deal and only a select few will be allowed into Heaven.  The rest of us will end up in some galactic landfill somewhere.  The man went on to explain that once he was convinced it was all over in a few months, he actually became a happier man.  He stopped worrying about mundane realities of the physical world and concentrated on the world he was sure he was headed for.  He hoped to be one of the "chosen" who would end up poolside in Heaven sipping cool drinks and swapping tall tales with St Peter, Gabrielle, or maybe even the big guy himself.  He even claimed he had stopped paying bills, had not filed his taxes, and had given away almost all his worldly possessions. 

Is May 21, 2011 the date that will finally win the Armageddon Lottery?  Maybe, maybe not.  All I know is just to be safe, and make the right impression in the right circles,  I'm going to be sure I'm wearing clean underwear on May 21, 2011.

See ya soon.........................or not.  ;)


El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Hahahahahahaha!! Clean underwear for everyone on May 21st!

I remember listening to a radio show back in the early 90's, during which time several of these end-of-time guys were debating the when and the where of it all. Each had a specific date, with very specific reasoning and they all disagreed (generally respectfully). At the end of the show, one said, "Well, even if I'm off a little bit, it's going to be before the end of 1997," and the others all loudly announced their agreement with him.

I wonder at what point they'll go back and read Matthew 24:36.

Randal Graves said...

No commando? What if I meet a charming young lady on the escalator down to the fiery abyss?

BBC said...

I'm pretty damn sure that I'm going to be a disappointed man on May 22.

What, they don't issue you new underwear where you are going?


The Blog Fodder said...

I was told to wear clean underwear in case I went to the hospital. As a prerequisite for going to hell, I never though of it. Asbestos undies. Good plan.

Ol'Buzzard said...

Dates have come and gone for fundamentalist. I was in western Kentucky on the millennium - people there were sure it was the date.
I don't know what they are waiting for - they could just all go to church - drink the coolade and - and take the express to see Jesus.
the Ol'Buzzard

Kulkuri said...

The man went on to explain that once he was convinced it was all over in a few months, he actually became a happier man. He stopped worrying about mundane realities of the physical world and concentrated on the world he was sure he was headed for.
The same can be said for someone who has decided to commit suicide.

If it was the same person saying over and over again the world is going to end and coming up with different dates when the predicted dates pass with nothing happening, sooner or later people would ignore them as the nuts they are!! But when it's different people doing it, some will think that someday one of them will be right.