Accidentally he regained his stride. Without a clue or an idea, somehow he relocated his center. For months his life had been out of sync. Off kilter and without direction. Oh sure there were duties, obligations, and those day to day situations he could not avoid. He side stepped what he could, putting off the inevitable for as long as possible.
About the time he was sure it was too late, he discovered it really is never too late. Starting where you are, you move on, put one foot in front of the other, deal with the task up front. It is but a matter of finding a gear, any gear to move forward in.
Nothing corrodes the soul like sitting in idle for too long. Comfort zones often become life sentences. Fear of the unknown or loyalty to the familiar can stifle Life's many pleasures along with Life's many evils. Erecting walls is often not selective. Much of what we should probably experience or would definitely enjoy if experienced is kept out along with the ugliness we seek to avoid.
I certainly fell into the comfort zone trap. Domestic bliss brought with it a whole new set of priorities. No longer could I chase whatever butterfly floated by. My life was part of another's and hers part of mine. Normal roads were traveled. Steady work sought, homestead founded, and family begun. One day led into the next. A child was born, was raised, and set free. Matters of importance centered on physical needs. Food, new school clothes, and gas for the truck replaced dreams that once flitted through on occasion. When the dreams re-visited, they were often not even given a first thought, never mind a second one. Immediate concerns about being a good parent, a good provider and a decent partner took their place.
It all changed the day the last chick left the nest. I was suddenly without a reason to exist. My job had been done. My purpose fulfilled. Time to wander off into the forest. And basically that is what I did for a period.
I sought excuses. I found them easy to find. Seems no matter where you look, a convenient excuse sits. I made use of them for far too long. Lost too much time wallowing in the comfort of my self pity. When I realized what I had done to myself, the cycle had been well established. Insidious and relentless, it kept me in emotional shackles. I could not find a way out. Life was busy all around me, but I had quit.
Today I sit wondering just how I fell into such a hole. And at the same time I try to understand how I seemed to have climbed out of it. Crisis has a way of re-adjusting attitudes and focus I guess. I will credit my troubled bike business with this latest goose to bring me back to the land of the living. Life's cycles move in mysterious ways. Ups and downs can visit without rhyme or reason. And often I will come out on the other side and wonder how the Hell I did it.
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