Somewhere deep in the bowels of the Answer Bag data base and archives I stumbled upon the burning question of the day. A question that has needed an answer for a long time. Until now, a question that has stymied all who have puzzled over the why of it. For your benefit and to boost my ego and standing among the icons of intellectuality, I offer up for your praise and admiration this:
Why do old men wear their pants higher than young men do?
The final answer ~> I have pondered this before. I figure it must have something to do with the chemical changes in the brain as they age. Specific chemicals fail to mix as they used to or are mixing in different amounts. Anyway the result is that the old geezers have an uncontrollable urge to buy pants with longer legs than the last pair they bought. And thus have to hitch them up ever higher to avoid tripping on the cuffs.
I have, through exhaustive study, come up with a formula that by measuring the distance from the nipples to the belt, one can discern their age without asking. Anything closer than 2 inches indicates they are at least 70.
Of course the sample groups I take my measurements from often do not like my efforts in the name of science. They will often put up a struggle. But I find if you place both knees gently but firmly on their bellies, a quick and relatively painless measurement can be taken. In 15 seconds they are back on their feet, free to shuffle back into the wilds of the mall.