Friday, October 28, 2016
Babies and Crucifixes
I stepped outside my blogging comfort zone and went on reconnaissance missions to find new blogs to connect with. It had been at least a year or so since I journeyed out beyond my blogging perimeter.
I tried the "next blog" button at the top of the page. I am guessing the random button installed by the wizards inside the blogging network is often stuck on "let's drive this guy crazy with blogs he has no interest in". My first 50 or so punches brought Jesus into my life. In the space of less than 30 minutes I basically read the Bible in five word chunks at the top of every new blog I brought to life. Someone out there was determined to bring me back into the fold. My resistance almost worn out, I found the strength to resist the path to righteousness by finding some Black Sabbath videos and playing them over and over again. Thank you Ozzie, you are indeed my savior.
A day or two later, I tried the button again and the random button inside the gulliwots of the blogger network had moved to mommie blogs. Another 50 punches and I found myself now a guilt ridden wreck crying out for my dear dead mother and jones-ing for some apple pie. Images of innocent toddlers in various stages of cuteness all meshed together creating horrific scenes in my mind of dirty diapers piled to the ceiling, baby puke dripping off my shoulders, and trying to cram 5 child carriers into a four seat car.
I was going to surrender, cry for mercy and promise to never again step outside my blogging comfort zone. For a few days it worked. But once I get an itch, I can become a tenacious Homer bound and determined to weather anything to find what I want. ...................... Doh!
I decided to try being a smart Homer. I would fool those evil bastards whose perverted pleasures are satiated saturating my brain with cute faces coated with Gerber paste while their stubby little hands stab crucifixes in my general direction.
While I pondered my next foray out into the wilderness, I decided my Profile Page needed updating. After opening it and tweaking it here, there, and in between, I noticed that all the words I filled in next to the various categories were highlighted blue like they were links or something.
Hmm ................................. Yeah, I remember thinking just that, "hmm".
In the "Location" section, I punched the word, "Maine". Immediately I was taken to a link page in Blogger that gave me access to all 10,000 or so blogs that claim Maine as their location.
Again, I remember softly uttering, "Hmm", and maybe even added, "That's interesting". I cannot confirm the last part as all I am sure of as a Homer who puts his few brain cells into motion by uttering, "Hmm", that I indeed most likely, 99% sure of it, I at least uttered, muttered, said "Hmm".
I had finally beat the bastards, those rascally little Google Wabbits who tried to mess with my head. Hung by their own cleverness and code. Finally, I had an endless hunting ground filled with blogs I might be interested in.
I punched the words "riding my bicycle" I had typed in the section marked, "Interests". And thousands of bicycle related blogs popped up. In the section, "Favorite Books", I hit "Asimov", and immediately I was taken to all the blogs who favored Asimov as an author. Surely there were some like minded folks to be found there.
So, take it from a Homer who, unaided and without a guide, was able to weed out the unwanted and focus on possibly the wanted. Sometimes stupid desperation does work out.
Keep it 'tween the ditches .....................................