Being parched and in need of immediate hydration, I gratefully gulped down the last of the warm and flat beer. Thirst quenched, I took a moment to get up to speed about my current situation. Waking up on the couch was normal. At least one cat on my chest, yep, normal. And the TV being on was standard operating procedure.
It was what was on the tube that made me do a double take. Spread across the screen was a close up shot of maybe seven sets of tanned buttocks wearing not much. These were perfect and delectable buns. The voice over informed me that I too could have buns like these if I would only call this number for the secret to a beautiful butt, oh and please do not forget that credit card.
Intrigued, but still in the throes of being half awake and half dead, I considered what it would be like to have buns that looked like the ones I was gazing upon at the moment. Immediately I saw myself on some beach wearing a thong to show off my beautiful buns but I had forgotten to include time to exercise for those Amazing Abs. Around front hanging over and hiding the top thong was my notable pot belly all hairy and stuff. Yeah Mike, the chicks would not be able to resist.
Now that I have ruined your day with this image I can only say that if you have any notion of owning beautiful buns, make sure to also do what it takes to own Amazing Abs. While you are at it, might as well beef up those pecks and deltoids at the same time. Since you have gone this far, naturally a penile enhancement or breast augmentation would be a logical add on. Along with comprehensive defoliation, add in some judicious skin tucking around the neck and maybe some material lifted from above the eyes and voila, you can once again know what it's like to be twenty years old.
Now you are ready to retire to Buenos Aires and be available for that testimonial in the next Brazil Butt Lift infomercial.