Friday, December 17, 2010

Being Useless

BBC stated in his comment on my post of yesterday, "You should learn how to sew, it's more useful than writing."  I considered answering him in a follow up comment, but instead decided to waste more time being less than useful by creating a useless post with his slightly more or slightly less than useful comment to drive it.

On the surface it appears his comment to be nothing but BBC being BBC.  Contentious and in your face.  And let's not forget consistent.  After all, Billy has always held a low opinion of writing for writing's sake, especially fiction.  He doesn't do fiction.  I guess now he has expanded his low opinion of fiction to include "useless".  There seems to be no question he considers sewing to be a more useful activity than writing fiction.

Billy is probably right.  I am sure if you ask him, he will confirm that he is.  Sewing up a hole in my britches would indeed rank higher on the pecking order of what's useful and what is not chart than yanking small stories out of my small mind.

Now it might be logical to think my panties bunched some over calling me out as being useless because I attempt to write fiction.  No.  I long ago learned to enjoy being useless.  I have been steadfast in my single minded pursuit of that perfect moment of uselessness, those perfect moments of wasted time..  I have spent a lifetime being only as useful as I needed to be so that I could waste the time and energy left as only a useless human can.  I have mastered the fine art of slothful endeavor.  If I already did not know how to sew, I would make it point to not learn so as to not eat into my useless time.

My life long journey to find the fountain of Worthless Moments would have been much easier had I been born the child of some filthy rich family from the right side of the tracks.  Sadly, I had to work hard to earn my useless moments.  It always seemed just about the time I was getting comfortable and in the useless groove, I had some useful commitment shoved into my face.  Work, family, business to run, yard work, homework, ........shit, the list of useful things I had to endure so that I could enjoy the brief moments of being useless was endless.

So rather than take offense at being called useless, I consider it it an honor.  Finally someone has recognized all the hard work and sacrifice I have put up with so that I can wile away blissfully useless with the big dogs who lounge poolside, on the porch or in their favorite barco-lounger.   Finally someone has shown us hardworking slackers the respect we feel we deserve.  I feel vindicated.  Thanks Billy for recognizing a life spent in the pursuit of doing nothing important whenever possible. 

"Now where's that remote? ................................. I hear there's a Beavis and Butthead retrospective on channel 283............ Oh Man, it's all the way across the room.........You mean I am going to have to get up?..........Honey..........HONEY............could you stop being useful for a moment and fetch me the remote?"


Cormac Brown said...

"You should learn how to sew, it's more useful than writing."

Oh, where to start? Where to start? Everything from the evening news, to the TV that we watch, to the movies that we rent, was brought to us by a writer.

If just one person were to just give us one voice, how boring would that be? BBC must have seen a movie or a book that inspired him at some point of his life, and he has certainly read non-fiction (hint, that just didn't appear in the book by itself).

Write away, Mike, and write well. Even if it is solely for you own enjoyment, man, you've still made someone happy.

Kulkuri said...

Do whatever you want and pay no attention to the "peanut gallery".

I have lived a similar lifestyle except I called it the "Travis McGee lifestyle" named for a fictional character that would work only when he needed money and after getting some money would take it easy until his funds ran low again. Occasionally I would take a break(sometimes my choice, sometimes not) from working for a living to enjoy what I call "Quality Time". I even had a "Frank & Ernest" cartoon on my toolbox that said, "What do I call all those gaps in my work history? Quality time!"

I myself ain't a writer, but I admire those that can create images out of thin air and put them down somewhere for others to read.

The Blog Fodder said...

I have mastered the fine art of slothful endeavor.

I have to practice more, I think.

BBC said...

After all, Billy has always held a low opinion of writing for writing's sake, especially fiction.

I have little use for fiction when reality is so much more strange. I'm not saying not to write though, I write a hell of a lot myself, simply because I'm driven too when I would just as soon being doing other things.

Like altering a pair of pants last week with a 40 inch waist to fit my 33 inch frame.

Well, I do read some fiction, but I read a hell of a lot more nonfiction, I just find it more useful.

Like reading a book about how to rebuild an automatic transmission, that gives me something I can use in life.

Do whatever you want and pay no attention to the "peanut gallery".

That's correct, waste your time anyway you like, I do. :-)

David Barber said...

Keep on writing, Mike. Being useless sounds like a great way to spend some time. I do it quite a lot!! HA!!