A recent issue of trust and losing it has made me aware just how personal I take the concept of Trust. Friendships, relationships, interactions of many kinds are based on the mutual use of trust. When the trust is not mutual, the relationship can suffer. As it has for me recently.
That I feel I have done nothing to justify losing their trust, their trust in me has diminished. And because I feel I did not deserve to lose their trust, my trust in them has taken a hit. The whole idea of trust has been dealt a blow from both sides now. There is indeed something to the idea that if you cannot trust me enough to even tell me why you do not trust me, then it makes me wonder how far I should be trusting you.
Lack of communication
It would seem that by not communicating we have both allowed this negative crap to invade our friendship, our relationship, whatever it is we have between us. I am guilty here for sure. I haven't aired my concerns or questions. But I never withheld my trust. Now I find out you have. Or maybe I just percieve it.
My question is this. Should I reciprocate? I mean, without bringing it up for us to chew on together, should I also withhold my trust in you now?
Obviously I should not if I feel there is anything worth salvaging. I should not if I consider regaining your trust is of any importance to me. The ball is in my court. What should I do I wonder?
I have been chewing on this more than I should I guess. I cannot force someone to trust me. I cannot fix it if I have no clue why it happened in the first place. Yes, a distance has come between us. But why it seeped into and spoiled the trust we had indicates the result has been more profound for you than me.
This is an odd post I almost did not post. But this blog is a vehicle I use to find my way through thorny issues besides the normal drivel I usually come up with. Since beginning this blog I have found that writing about Life's oddities and concerns makes the process of understanding where I have been and where I am going a bit easier to comprehend. And yeah, I could have just written this and left it unpublished. But I didn't. I needed to get back on the blogging horse and this post is the one I am using for that purpose.