Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Happy Birthday

Preface - I was really going to try to be upbeat and find humor somewhere for this, my comeback post. But frankly, I feel like shit and have felt like shit for far too long now to put on a happy face. Skip this post. I would understand. But I do try to bring honesty to my blog and what follows is honest if nothing else.

Making light of, or possibly worse, ignoring unpleasant truths about myself is okay when they are nothing but odd eccentricities that help to support my individuality. But denying or blowing off the truths of my health have definitely been counterproductive. It certainly could be assumed that my denial of medical facts has only exacerbated the problem. Yes, dealing with it by not dealing with it and hoping it will go away is not working. I admit this now for all to see.

I have to face up to the chronic problem that has been building for the last 36 years of my life. I have to admit to myself that the health I took for granted is slowly turning on me. Without active and enthusiastic counter measures the years I have left will number far fewer than I would like to have. The doctors tell me there are measures I can take. But their inability to conclusively pin down just what those measures are only make the ones they mention seem like throwing darts at a dartboard.

My immune system doesn't work well anymore. Small inconvenient illnesses that used to only knock me out for a day or two can now turn ugly and leave me out of action for several weeks at a time. With the added time I need to recuperate, I become depressed. I could handle the medical glitches, but the depression that accompanies them is driving me crazy. Certainly an evil cycle I find myself in.

It seems appropriate, no, make that predictable, that I would mention this on the date of my birth.

Afterword - I generally hate the piss and moan posts of others. I am not fond of this one I came up with either. But not everyday is filled with sunshine and not every day is a new beginning. Often every day is but a continuation of yesterday's bad day. I just felt the need to vent. No apologies, just a note that I will try to refrain from making this a habit.


Noah said...

Y hello there, stranger!

I know it's of little consolation, but you should know you probably experienced more life in your cavalier youth than most will experience while they mosey their boring souls through existence into their 90s.

Sorry you're feeling shitty, but no one's invincible. Life's a sexually transmitted terminal illness, you know? It just does its damage a little slower to some than others.

MRMacrum said...

noah - Life is definitely what we make it. I am facing the results of a youth spent recklessly. And while I know I have no one to blame but myself, it does not make that "facing my mortality" gig any easier to take. On the up side - I can reverse many problems should I dig in and choose to do so. I look to this admission as at least showing some desire to come out of the funk my body has placed me in.

Thanks for the good word.

Anonymous said...

Um...happy birthday anyway? ; ) And if it's any consolation, my youth (as close as it was) was not spent recklessly and I'm starting to feel the effects. Sad state of affairs. LOL!

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Mr. Macrum: I'm about 15 years younger than you and already I'm having to "dig in my heels" to maintain the level of health I have now. It's a pain in the posterior but it beats the alternative.

Second point: it's your blog. If you want to moan, whine, sound off, complain, etc., then I say go for it.

Third: Happy (belated) birthday, sir, and many more to come in good health, I hope.

Fourth: I know all about recurrent depression. Better days are ahead, I assure you.