Dwayne

HEADS UP- what follows is a silly piece of flash fiction I came up with. If it offends, so be it. It's a joke ferchrisakes. Calm down. Any relation to a current leader is purely coincidental........ Really.

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When Dwayne was a child, he quickly established himself as the dim one of the brood. He was born with glazed over eyes that followed him throughout his life. Having been born and raised before the woke culture of Political Correctness took over from Simple Civility, Dwayne's parents were not very tolerant of his failure to launch as what they considered a normal child. His parents did love little Dwayne. He was cute in his dimness most days. Usually, they tolerated his lack of a clue regarding the world around him.

When Dwayne was around the age of 10, he approached his father, who was on his knees pulling weeds in their garden.

"Dad, whatja doing?"

Godfrey Machump looked at his son. For a moment he marveled at the “no one home look” that was always behind those blue eyes. Godfrey had long ago given up on Dwayne growing up to be anything but a dimwit. He smiled.

"Son, I'm pulling weeds in your mother's garden."

Mr. Machump returned to pulling weeds, thinking the conversation with his son was over. Dwayne never showed much curiosity and more often than not would nod or shrug and then move along.

"Can I help?"

Somewhat surprised, Godfrey looked at his son again. He was caught off guard.

"Uh, well I ...... Sure, why not?..... Here let me show you how?"

Dwayne did not hear or pay attention to his father. All he heard was, “Sure, why not?”

He immediately began yanking out any plant he could get his hands on. Weeds or garden plantings, it did not matter. Dwayne was an equal opportunity plant puller; and he had a gift it seemed. Before his father could corral him, Dwayne had yanked half of the onions and was well into the carrots before his father gathered him up and placed him roughly 15 feet away from the garden. Dad had a hair trigger temper, and without thinking,

"Christ on Crutch Dwayne, don’t be such a Dumb Ass."

That was the day Dwayne acquired the nickname that would follow him in one form or another the rest of his days. And though he actually acquired a few more IQ points along the way, he only became smart enough to know what people really thought of him.

He became determined to show them. He realized he was not one of those Savants that everyone talked about; idiot or otherwise. He could not juggle numbers well. He could not multitask at all. What he could do, was focus on one thing at a time, even if that focus was created from a poor understanding in the first place. To that end, his lifelong focal point was to make the world pay for calling him a Dumb Ass.

After his ascension to leader of Didushakurboutie, in the wilds of Africa, he often stood at one of his gilded palace windows and scanned his kingdom. Often, in these moments of self aggrandizing musings, he would repeat the mantra he created to defend himself from the harsh criticisms and teasing he had to tolerate as a child.

"I am not an Idiot Savant. I am a Dumb Ass Savant....... And one day I will rule the World."

(537 words )

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This little piece of fiction just fell out of my brain in 20 minutes. Whether it is good or bad does not matter. I again was able to write something without the hint of anguish or struggle. What's sad is I felt the need to place a warning at the beginning.

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A Facebook comment I made somewhere sometime in the recent past made a reference to Carly Simon's iconic song, "You're So Vain". I don't think I have ever used this tune to accompany one of my posts. So here it is, the song that was as great as it was mysterious. For years people tried to figure out who she was singing about. There have been many guesses, both good and bad. At age 77, James Taylor admitted the song was about him, thus creating a nationwide of "I told you so's" across the planet.

 Regardless, please enjoy one of the great pop tunes of the 1970s.