We didn't get much much of a head's up. Mrs. B told us when we climbed the stairs out of the basement after a night of over indulgence. While we tackled eggs, bacon and home fries, Mrs B informed us of her plans for us starting at 11:00 AM over to Pumphrey's Funeral Home on Wisconsin Avenue.
Snake and I exchanged panicked looks. Before we came upstairs, we had dropped four hits each of Purple Micro Dot LSD. We were going to hang out down at the Federal Triangle in DC and laugh at the tourists all day.
"But Mom", Snake began, we already have plans. "We sat with Gran Mama yesterday. Can't Uncle Charley take it?"
"Uncle Charley has an emergency. You two will fill in."
Mrs B stood with her hands on her hips and a no bullshit look on her face.
"You two live in my house rent free, eat free, and come and go as you please..... Call this your penance or call it whatever you want, but you two will put your suits on and spend time sitting with Gran Mama while friends and relatives stop by to view her body and pay their respects."
Snake and I had acquired vast experience with most of the popular psychoactive drugs. LSD was by far our favorite. We had been gobbling it up whenever we liked for a couple of years at that point. And we had dealt with many different challenges while high on hallucinogens.
Neither of us had ever sat with a dead body while tripping though.
Gran Mama's open casket was placed at the end of a narrow room. The walls were moving in and out in time with my breaths. At first, it was a tad unsettling. Once I got in sync with the movement of the walls, I began to relax.
Chairs lined both side walls. Snake and I took seats across from each other. That was our big mistake. We hadn't even warmed up the chairs we were sitting on when I could no longer look Snake in the eye. I turned away snickering and snorting. For his part, Snake just busted out laughing. It was off to the races at that point.
When tripping, Time is lost or gained, or just different than Time that takes place in Reality. I don't know how long we laughed, but Snake peed his pants and I was probably about to when Mrs. B came storming into the viewing room. Her face looked dangerously red and when she talked, her arms and fingers became hallucinogenic motions fused together looking like flapping wings that peaked with each angry point she made. I was transfixed. I was really, really wasted. I realized then, 4 hits of Purple Micro Dot was at least one hit over the line.
I think I managed to regain some control. I remember looking at Snake across the space between us. He was wiping his eyes and pointing at his crotch where a wet stain had made its presence known. I remember thinking that Snake also, had eaten one hit of Acid too many.
I cannot remember what Mrs. B said. All I could tell ,was she was angry and she looked like a quilting bee lady with blazing blue hair gone berserk. I remember becoming concerned. But then I began to laugh again. Snake began to laugh again.
Mrs B stop waving her hands. Her face seemed to glow redder and I was sure I could see her noggin expanding to a point where the inevitable cranial burst would cause her brains to end up in my lap.
"Have you two been smoking marijuana again?"
Her pronunciation of marijuana came out like she was spitting out something distaseful. Her angry glare passed back and forth between the two of us. Snake later told me he saw flames shoot out of her eyes. Her face was all rubbery and elastic. Her old lady print Sunday go to meeting dress was all askew like she had been running. She opened and closed her mouth many times but I never did make any sense of it.
I sat there transfixed and in awe of just how angry she appeared to be. I spoke up.
"No, No Mrs B, we are not high on pot. We are tripping. ........ You know what, I think Gran Mama's lips moved. Are you sure she's really dead?"
I broke out laughing again. Snake came out of his hallucenogenic daze for a moment and glared at me. I quickly backtracked.
"Uh, uh, no Mrs B, yeah , we smoked some pot I guess. ...... But we didn't know we would be coming here.
My reasonable excuse fell flat. She was having none of it.
Mrs B started in with one of her all time best anti drug rants ever. And sadly for all of us, Snake and I could not keep straight faces. With each salient point made by her, our laughter became louder until she finally kicked us out of the funeral home in disgust. We had to hoof it the couple of miles back to their house on Southwick St.
She did not speak to either of us for over a week. All communications came through either Snake's sisters, Mr B, or Uncle Charley.
Did I feel any regret, remorse, or guilt for my actions. At the time, I might have, but it was only fleeting. Anytime someone mentioned our performance in the viewing room, it always resulted in moments of gut busting belly laughs and occasional eye wiping. Mrs B's face was an awesome wonder to behold while trippin the light fantastic..
( @ 875 words)
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Music choice........ ?
Only one tune by one performer would do. Here is an old great Blue/Jazz tune, "St. James Infirmary" as performed in 1933 for a cartoon by Cab Calloway, the jumping-est, the jive-est, and hippest Bad Cat around in 1933.
And just because "St. James Infirmary" is such a great classic, please enjoy a more modern cover of it by Hugh Laurie. Yeah, that's right , the actor, Hugh Laurie. The man has some serious musical talent.
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