Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Life is Not For Enduring
JACKIESUE told me to "stay the fuck off the bike".
Mohaverat opined about how I will pay for my loose dog ways on a bike when I get older.
Maybe not every day, but often enough, a burned in image passes through the re/viewer in my brain. An image of what I could become if I did not push every limit I have left. I watched my mother give in to the accrued ravages of her life and basically become an invalid the last 10 years she was alive. The arthritis she fought most of her life finally won and she became a hunchback old lady who stopped doing anything. Too much pain to fight it, she said.
I have a similar situation rearing its ugly head myself. And now that I am facing the same decade of life she gave up on, I use her shriveled up painful countenance to spur me to stay active even if it hurts. And some days, just getting out of bed can be a struggle. But then anyone who is 64 and up certainly knows what that is all about.
This past winter my weakened immune system let some heebie jeebie get a grip on me and I became another piece of furniture in the house for a month and a half. Once I started to feel better, I worked up a new agreement with myself. I was going to do what made me happy as long as I could. Screw the pain or long term negatives that may result. I only have so many bike rides left and I plan on pushing the ones I have left as far as I can. I may not be fast anymore, but I can still test the edge of what abilities I have left. Some pain I understand is a lot easier to deal with than the day to day chronic crap that fills up more of my waking time on this planet.
I still want to live Life, not just endure it.