Friday, July 30, 2010

Angry Serfs at the Palace Gate

In a 21st century remake of  angry serfs at the palace gate, throngs of polyester clad peasants wearing John Deere caps  brandish electronic rakes and pitchforks as they roll through the Internets gathering steam parroting the fear and hate spoon fed them by leaders who smile with greasy lips over the turmoil they have manged to stir up. 

Playing on the fears of the certified and assured bitter harvests in the future held dear and near the dark parts of what they call their minds, these self appointed protectors of the stupid fire up their Walmartian minions with unfounded claims and soon another undeserving soul is pilloried in the electronic equivalent of the town square.

As it was in the good ole days of Inquisitors and snake oil sellers, the truth becomes once again just another commodity to be traded in on mythical beasts coming for our daughters and imaginary government goons wanting to suck out our Life Essence so that the Devil, Beezlebub, Lucifer can enjoy three finger shots of our blood during Happy Hour at the Pinko Commie Islamic Bar n Grill.

Yes my friends, there is evil out there.  It wears a burka and waves a crescent graced flag.  It lurks with bated breath concealed in the shadows behind do-gooder facades that hide its insidious and dastardly purposes from the light of day.   There's a good reason the windows are painted over.

Carrying red, white n' blue standards, brave men and chaste women bunch up their panties as they gather in small groups on small minded stages to tell us what we want to hear, what we need to hear.  We know they are being straight with us by informing us it is not only okay to be pissing our pants over events that have not happened, but imperative that we focus on the worst case scenario even though a thousand other events must happen in just the right sequence first.  They most assuredly will because weasel faced Beckomann O'Hannity media monsters insist these doomsday dreams into existence.  For fear my quaking friends..... Fear will set us free.  It will release us from the responsibilities  of rational thought and productive solutions.  Being scared shitless is so much easier than thinking.  So much more convenient.


On the other side of the planet or somewhere in between, the other peons drinking the same kool aid only differing in hue are being rabble roused by similar dedicated demagogues sporting fancy turbans who have also assured their witlessly scared throngs that Evil is found out West in the Home of the Depraved, where the twin towers used to wave over streets dedicated to stealing their souls and ravaging their 72 Virgins.   Flinging Fatwas like Frisbees they send their loyal idiots on missions clad in exploding vests to fill  the Western cowpokes with dread..

And so it goes............The circle will not be broken. 

Lucifer sitting casually at Day Trader Vic's in his power tie and wing tipped loafers again sips and savors the fruits of his labor wherever he goes.  He cackles and rubs his hands together as if warming himself over the fires of Hell he has managed to visit upon all of us.  The red dude sure knows how to throw a party  even ithough the cover charge is more than we can afford.  He has convinced us all we need is plastic and a low interest mortgage on our souls. 

And while this world wide calamity unfolds around me,  while the firestorm builds to planet cracking temperatures, I sit here in a stupor amongst the pines and deer shit wondering why I didn't buy that 18 pack of Rolling Rock when I was in town earlier.

Okay.  Yeah.  I will admit that the previous whatever it might be or could be or almost was --- is the result of more beers than my current tolerance level is used to.  But hey there is a silver lining.  I get to rationalize  my earlier almost did it but didn't and now I have the excuse that being out of beer is a perfect excuse to take advantage of that $9.99 box of 18 bottles of Rolling Rock I saw stacked high as a giraffe's eye at the discount store in Sanford.  There is such a thing as cheap good beer.  And if there is indeed still the possibility of good cheap beer, all is not lost.  It is not as bad as I thought.  And even if it is, if the shit hits the fan this weekend, I will be able to quence my Hellfire planet destructiing induced thirst with cheap good beer.   And that is what really matters.



The Blog Fodder said...

If only the nutbars would concentrate on killing each other instead of the rest of us...
Well written. As RB said on my blog, "a pox on both their houses".
Fear and guilt are great motivators and control buttons. Religious and political (difference???) power structures love them.

jadedj said...

To paraphrase George Carlin...why don't we just kill all these fucking people?

Incidentally, I discovered long ago that be it beer, wine, or bourbon...alcohol is the great liberator of verbosity and profoundness. Wise purchase, because the post was brilliant.

Demeur said...

A fine piece of writing Mike. A fine piece. Rolling Rock the Nero's fiddle of the modern age.

Randal Graves said...

My Favorite Walmartian was always Walston's second best work after his portrayal of Mr. Hand.

The dumbassery of the world is the triumphant mark of Satan.

This was good stuff, old bean.

joven said...

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PipeTobacco said...

An excellent use of beer sir! Alcohol helps indeed to lubricate thought and ideas.


susan said...

A fine piece of writing indeed. Relative truth is for the convenience of no one but those who manipulate words for their own base reasons.

I'm glad to know a supply of good, cheap beer was available.

A Midnight Rider said...

Since I retired a couple of months ago I stopped watching and listening to tv and radio "news". Because they now fall under the umbrella of the entertainment divisions of their companies, I give them no credibility.

I also feel much calmer since abandoning tv and radio "entertainment".

muddleglum said...

This was posted after you commented on the same subject on my post. I'm hoping that the timing does not imply that I drove you to cheap beer. However, the opposite implication is so much more scarier.

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