Saturday, February 19, 2005

Failing to Materialize

I will sometimes approach this blog with intensity and purpose. I will have fixed on something to rant on, reflect on, or fawn on. It will spark my interest early in the day. By the time I get home and chow down, I will have the point figured out and how to get there. Between the time I finish dinner and the moment I fire up the computer, punch a tune in and stretch the digits, it's gone. Adios, see ya later alligator. Just like that. If it ate at me all day, I know it was important. Had to be. Sadly, I wasn't quick enough. So I sit here, all dressed up and nowhere to go.

Other nights, I sit down with nothing in mind. On auto pilot, I kick up the blog screen. No plans, just another part of my computer ritual. I want the blog handy. Just in case. So what happens, an odd thought will occur to me and it's off to the races. 1400 words or so later at dark thirty in the morning, I will kick back from the desk. Exhausted, seeing double, and completely drained. And pass out satisfied.

Catching the iron when it's hot is a crap shoot. I do not seem able to turn on the good stuff at will. Perspectives fail to materialize on cue but often show up unintentionally without being asked. Tonight for instance. Tonight I am intent in my pursuit of something to put on paper. Tonight however, those deep and meaningful words are MIA. Getting anything out of the ole noggin is like pulling teeth. Words begrudge me. Thoughts fight to remain hidden. Like a game of hide and seek, I am always "it".

I have been thinking all day of my time with the Blog. My inability to be creative is not going to stop me. Come Hell or high water, the words are going down. Just by going through the motions, oftentimes something will click into place. And oftentimes not. Oh well. If I can't be inventive or original, I can always be boorish and obtuse.

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