The Men Who Stare at Sheep

sunshine does a weekly review of movies that have recently come out. This past Wednesday she did a review on the new movie "The Men who stare at Goats".

Ever since the trailers for this movie starring an ensemble cast of super stars began to ooze from my television set, I naturally utilized my sick sense of humor and considered a porn movie starring overall clad goobers with straws hangin out their mouths walking into the barn and well you can imagine where it went from there. All in the name of humor of course. Of course.

It would be filmed in grainy black and white with celluloid scratches coming and going across the screen like the porn movies I saw as a teen back in the 1960s. The lighting would be hit or miss. The sound poorly dubbed and the acting especially awful. But the sheep........well the sheep would be delightful. Done up with ribbons and deep red lipstick, these ewes would be to die for.

The typical plot would unfold. Your local feed delivery guy would walk into the barn with a 50 pound sack of Purina's finest feed. Ellen Ewe, played by Ellen herself, would bat her long lashes and find some way to lure this poor workman from his daily rounds. Naturally how could this simple man, this man who drives a feed truck resist such charms.

In keeping with the spirit of porn films from the 1950s and 60s, the scene would immediately change and we are now witnessing an inspired and enthusiastic rendition of ravaging and savaging. Suddenly Farmer John comes in and throws his hands up.

"Oh No Ellen, how could you? And with the feed truck driver delivery guy!"

Agitated and heartsick, Farmer John grabs a pitch fork and brandishes it in their general direction.

Staying true to the roots of the classics, an immediate doesn't tie into the plot scene change jerks us back to the real reason we came.

Farmer John is now having his way with Ellen, while Feed Truck Guy sits back groping her. Ellen is smiling. A sheepish grin of course.

The End...........

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