Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Technicolor Yawn

Okay, so I have a weak stomach. But come on let's be fair here. It is not weak in all gross situations, just selectively weak. Some things that result in retching and gagging in some folks, I never even so much as Hiccup. But even mention certain disgusting activities and my stomach flips on just the notion.

Take blood and guts in real life and I am there as a witness, or I have done it to myself. I will usually handle it at least without my hair trigger vomit switch engaging. But say I have to clean up cat vomit, Hell any vomit, or even see my own vomit, and Mr Man, I am off to the races. Puking or dry heaving sympathetically as if to show my solidarity with whoever or whatever and what they had just been through or were going through at that moment. I call it my Upchuck Cheer.

Smells of a certain persuasion will trigger my puking reflex. When I was real small and dumber than I am now, the sight of raw oysters going down anybody's throat could cause me to run from the table. I outgrew it and will dump a dozen oysters down my throat in a heartbeat. But as a wee lad, I found them truly the most disgusting thing humans considered food.

Tin Foil Hat brought this one minor character flaw front and center with his posted Utube video of an elephant giving birth. Instantly I was transported back to Freshman Biology At Towson State University just north of Bawlamer, Murland. I was late for my first class. Way late. The professor had already introduced himself, taken that first attendance, and was well into his classic teaching technique I would come to love as I was often hung over at 8 o'clock in the morning. He was showing a movie.

The classroom was one of those big college classes set up like a theater. Rows of seats at different heights set in a semi-circle focusing on a fancy wooden lectern from which I was to be enlightened, challenged, or put to sleep, which ever came first.

So what is the first thing I see as I walk into the darkened classroom? A ten foot high baby being born. I will never forget it. I puked right there on the top step. The remnants of my first college drunk running down the steps in front of me. So I discovered another unpleasant activity that my stomach had problems with. I avoided watching births of any kind after that until my daughter was born. Funny, but her birth went by without a hitch or a retch from me. Never figured out why.

Flash forward to a few minutes ago. I punched up Tin Foils latest posts. The most recent one was an excellent joke about Canadian housewives. The one previous was not so excellent. It is not like I was not warned. Tin Foil, being the responsible bloggin host he is, wrote in bold letters "It is not for everybody". But like some dumbass who just has to look because they were warned not to, I punched up the video. And the video started with a warning also and I paraphrase or well, just made it up - "Graphic stuff ahead! Beware ye of weak stomach."

At first I was handling it okay. And then I had to remove myself from the room. It seems birth is not to ever be on my list of okay to view activities. Although, all I suffered was some severe discomfort as my stomach turned upside down but held on and didn't eject any obnoxiousness.

I finished watching the video. Watching Mama elephant perform the equivalent of the doctor spank on the rear to get Junior up and running was awesome. It looked like brutality at first, but I guess elephants come ready for it. She got her kid to take its first breath.

So very cool. But next time I will remember to skip the first couple of minutes.

If you want to view it, hit the link to Tin Foil Hat. I just can't post it here. You understand I hope.

Huck on McDuff...........................

(696 / 16,269)


sunshine said...

I couldn't watch the elephant being born.
I gave birth to 4 elephants myself. Been there done that.. bought the t-shirt. ;P

I did like that joke though.. very funny. :)


El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Puking. A classic nauseous activity. I remember many years ago telling my dad a story about a kid who threw up all over the floor at a cub scouts meeting. It was horribly gross. My father replied by recounting a story from when he was in grade school. A kid vomited on the floor in the classroom, and within ten seconds, two other kids vomited on the floor, apparently sickened by the smell of the first puker.

Good times, good times.

Randal Graves said...

I am laughing because I am right there with you on the vomit thing.

David Barber said...

MRM, my finger has been twitching on my mouse for a while over that link. "Should I...shouldn't I?" I will let you know if I do. My father-in-law has a similar case of the vomiting to you. It's great to see him retching when someone drops a good old "trouser cough".
Regards, David.

BBC said...

I thought it was very interesting. She sure had to kick it around to get it to breathing and standing up.

I'm trying to think what would make me puke. Ah hell, at my age I've become pretty hardened against most things.

Beach Bum said...

That was fantastic! With all the crap going on in the world it was nice to see some life "dropping" onto the stage.

The only problem I had was the memories it brought up of my wife giving birth to our son and how the nurses had to take all the sharp objects out of the room after she threw several nearby items at me.