Monday, October 31, 2016

Man Bait

A few years ago, a segment of the Today Show was dedicated to the supposed "Bacon Shortage" we were about to endure in our collective futures.  As I had become hardened and immune to unfounded fear mongering, I was confident I would not allow this gloomy prediction to have any effect on my fragile psyche.  It appeared at the time though, the prospect of a pork shortage of any kind did cause me some concern.  Pork, specifically bacon,  is a staple here on Sam Page Road.  We love our bacon.  We stocked up.

I had always assumed bacon was good on just about anything.  Apparently the on camera crew over to the Today Show agreed.  They highlighted some of the bacon laced products available.  They had bacon candy, bacon beer, bacon toothpaste, jeeez, they even had bacon scented soap.  One of the women commented that the soap might just be the perfect "Man Bait".

Come on ladies.  While smelling like bacon might appeal to some men and even more than a few women, you know damn well all you have to do to attract a man is show up within eyesight.  You are the perfect bait, constructed carefully by evolutionary forces and self design over the years to do what it takes to propagate the species.  We don't need bacon soap, teddies, mini skirts or eyeliner.  Once we see you, you have us by the short hairs.

Of course, all the fussin, fiddlin and readjustin of your positives does seem to help speed up the process and gussies up otherwise bland public spaces.  But really, it is not necessary.

Later .............................................

Friday, October 28, 2016

Babies and Crucifixes

When I first got into this blogging gig, I vowed to find one new blog a week that interested me enough to link it at least in the "favorites" file marked "Blogs".  Between the self generated stress of keeping my own blog going and fulfilling my sense of duty to the bloggers who visited my blog by visiting theirs, this promise fell by the wayside rather quickly.  My excuse - there is only so much time in this world to fart around and I have to pull the plug at some point to at least eat some food and catch some shut eye..

I stepped outside my blogging comfort zone and went on reconnaissance missions to find new blogs to connect with.  It had been at least a year or so since I journeyed out beyond my blogging perimeter. 

I tried the "next blog" button at the top of the page.  I am guessing the random button installed by the wizards inside the blogging network is often stuck on "let's drive this guy crazy with blogs he has no interest in".   My first 50 or so punches brought Jesus into my life.  In the space of less than 30 minutes I basically read the Bible in five word chunks at the top of every new blog I brought to life.  Someone out there was determined to bring me back into the fold.  My resistance almost worn out, I found the strength to resist the path to righteousness by finding some Black Sabbath videos and playing them over and over again.  Thank you Ozzie, you are indeed my savior.

A day or two later, I tried the button again and the random button inside the gulliwots of the blogger network had moved to mommie blogs.  Another 50 punches and I found myself now a guilt ridden wreck crying out for my dear dead mother and jones-ing for some apple pie.  Images of innocent toddlers in various stages of cuteness all meshed together creating horrific scenes in my mind of dirty diapers piled to the ceiling, baby puke dripping off my shoulders, and trying to cram 5 child carriers into a four seat car.

I was going to surrender, cry for mercy and promise to never again step outside my blogging comfort zone.  For a few days it worked.  But once I get an itch, I can become a tenacious Homer bound and determined to weather anything to find what I want. ...................... Doh!

I decided to try being a smart Homer.  I would fool those evil bastards whose perverted pleasures are satiated saturating my brain with cute faces coated with Gerber paste while their stubby little hands stab crucifixes in my general direction.

While I pondered my next foray out into the wilderness, I decided my Profile Page needed updating.  After opening it and tweaking it here, there, and in between, I noticed that all the words I filled in next to the various categories were highlighted blue like they were links or something.

Hmm ................................. Yeah, I remember thinking just that, "hmm".

In the "Location" section, I punched the word, "Maine".  Immediately I was taken to a link page in Blogger that gave me access to all 10,000 or so blogs that claim Maine as their location.

Again, I remember softly uttering, "Hmm",  and maybe even added, "That's interesting".  I cannot confirm the last part as all I am sure of as a Homer who puts his few brain cells into motion by uttering, "Hmm", that I indeed most likely, 99% sure of it, I at least uttered, muttered, said "Hmm".

I had finally beat the bastards, those rascally little Google Wabbits who tried to mess with my head.  Hung by their own cleverness and code.  Finally, I had an endless hunting ground filled with blogs I might be interested in.

I punched the words "riding my bicycle" I had typed in the section marked, "Interests".  And thousands of bicycle related blogs popped up.  In the section, "Favorite Books", I hit "Asimov", and immediately I was taken to all the blogs who favored Asimov as an author.  Surely there were some like minded folks to be found there.

So, take it from a Homer who, unaided and without a guide, was able to weed out the unwanted and focus on possibly the wanted.  Sometimes stupid desperation does work out.

Keep it 'tween the ditches .....................................

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

An Opinion from the Upper Decks

From my seat in the upper decks, I have watched my country devolve from one I was comfortable living in into one I am not.  I see nothing but hate and discontent on all sides poisoning our shared love of country.

Hate and discontent at election time is normal.  Now it seems that nobody , Right or Left, is happy 24/7.  In spite of being better off, if only slightly, than we were 8 years ago, many of us are convinced that Life in the USA is going down the tubes.


I do not pretend to know all the why's.  But I do know who I would blame for this over the top dissatisfaction Americans have regarding their lives now.  I blame the media weasels and the leadership of both the Right and the Left and their mutual reliance on Fear to herd us into their various corrals.

But ultimately, I blame our citizens for allowing things to get out of hand.  We have ended up with the government we deserve, by not insisting on better.

We piss and moan about how nothing gets done.  We allow ourselves to become mind numb followers of leaderships spoon feeding us lies, empty promises, accusations and doom on the horizon scenarios.  We buy into their fear rhetoric because it is easier to fear a thing, than try to face it.

So, if we want to blame someone for what is going on, we might look in a mirror.

Shifting our selfish focus on the quantity in our lives to the quality of all our lives might just be a good place to begin turning things around.

Later ...........................................

Monday, October 24, 2016

An Email to my Other Brother

The image I picked for this post has nothing to do with my brother/s.  It is just one of the few pictures I have taken I considered a keeper.  I took it in the summer of 2010.

It reminds me that no matter how awesome and beautiful something is, there is always an undercurrent of ugliness that comes with that beauty.  Life is indeed a bowl of cherries, but one needs to be watchful when consuming said cherries, they do not choke on the pits.

Without Ugliness, Beauty cannot exist.

Below is my attempt to contact my other brother.  The hard feelings between he and I run deep, much deeper than any I may have with D, my other brother.  Although by the roar of silence I have received from my first email to D, Politics may have been a poor choice to use as an ice breaker.

Without further comment........................ my first attempt to contact J in at least 20 years.


Timing is everything I have heard.  So, I figured that I needed to stop telling myself I should contact you and actually put words to paper and send them your way.  And what better time than now?  Right in the middle of a country wide hate and discontent-fest.

But then, when is a good time to try to renew a connection lost years ago?  I thought about it and decided there was no good or bad time.  What was important was that I at least try.  I have no expectations that you will reply or not.  I hope that you do, even if it is to call me an asshole.  In my past, I certainly called you one a time or two. And while I make no judgement as to whether you are an asshole now, I will tell you yes, I am often still an asshole.  Remember what tree my apple fell from.  Nobody could do asshole like Dad could when he was so inclined.

So, how you handling the Old Fart gig?  Me, well since I am still just a rookie Old Fart really, I do have a clue now what's coming at me down the road.  We all pay for the play of our past.  Right now, it's all about how I deal with it.  Give in like Mom did, or fight it tooth and nail with my middle finger wagging in its face?  So far, I am choosing to go down fighting. I still crash on my mountain bike on a regular basis.  And every time I think, "If I had given in to aging, I would have missed this trip to the urgent care clinic.  Ain't Life grand?"

Anyway and besides, or maybe in closing, I just wanted to roll a small ball your way to see if we might not at least create a dialog.

Take care and my best to all at your end,


I sent this a few days ago.  As of yet, no reply from either of them.

And that is okay with me.  I am looking to check off one of the things on my bucket list of regrets still hanging around.  If we never speak to each other again, I will know that I at least tried to bury the hatchet.  And that will take the edge off that particular regret.

Later  ..............................................................

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Random Thought About Direction, Time and Space

This Kodak Moment is a shot taken on the board walk trail across a marsh in Sanford, Maine.  It is nestled just south of the decaying remains of the old weaving mills in downtown.  This marsh is part of the Mousam River watershed and back in the day served as a dumping ground for all the nasty chemicals used in the textiles produced there.

This marsh has recovered from the foul place it once was.  And the fact that it is less than a half mile from downtown points up why Sanford and the State of Maine should be proud to have recovered such a wonderful pocket of nature so close to the day to day bustle of a small city in Maine.  Kudos to those folks who engineered this turnabout.

But what got me going over this image is what it represents to me as a symbol in my life.  Is it telling me where I am going?  Or does it remind me of where I have been?  A glance over my shoulder or eyes straight ahead on the look out for what is coming.  Or does it possibly symbolize my current point in time betwix and between my past and my future?

In my current mindset, it is a reminder that no matter how much I think I am meandering through this existence with no plan, the path is actually a straight and somewhat rigid one.  And it is a crap shoot whether I benefit or not when I wander off it.  After all there is a marsh on both sides.

Just something random that came up when I was dumping images off my phone.

Later ..............................................

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Email to My Brother

I found myself a few months ago, getting too fired up over this election. In an effort to retain some sanity through the summer, I backed away from button pushing media and political hacks as much as I could. The BoZone was one of my first casualties. Every time I sat down to write, I felt more pressure to vent about the sad state our election process was in and suddenly I could feel the bile rising.

 What, you might ask, does this have to do with my brother? Well, the opening paragraph is maybe a lame excuse for having ignored my blog.  Or it is a mechanism I am using to get warmed up to relate some personal pain I have safely closeted for over 25 years.

 I have been estranged from my brothers since my mother died in 1990. She was the last physical connection we had going for us. There have been hard feelings over the years and when she passed, I blew my brothers off and got on with the rest of my life. In that I felt they had already blown me off, it seemed a mutually beneficial situation for all of us.

 So now I am 26 years older. They are 26 years older. Maybe it's time for me to stop being an asshole. Not talking to someone because of real and perceived insults, denigration, and belittling in the years prior to 26 years ago seems kinda stupid. None of us have that many years left, and I for one intend to try to renew a line of communication to them that has been withering on the vine these past 26 or so years. As it turns out, holding a grudge after a certain period of time does no one any good.

Since all three of us grew up eating dinner while politics were passed around the table like another side dish, I figured I would start emailing my brothers using something we all enjoyed fighting over. What better way to renew old friendships than with hate and discontent about politics. That way we can, or should I say, I can avoid the personal pain that caused our rift in the first place.

Or I can just relay what is on my mind at the moment.  Regardless of whether they read my emails or not, I will feel better about my self-inflicted silent treatment these past many years.  Before we get planted 6 feet deep or scattered over some lake in Maine, I will try to learn about the third of their lives I know nothing about and maybe they will learn about my last quarter century trying to make sense of this madness we call Life.

Without any further fuss or commentary, my first dedicated effort to establish a dialog.

So D, I would be interested in your take on the recent farce being passed off as an election.  Will the GOP regroup after Nov 8?  Will the Democrats take lessons from the GOP's experience?

I have to say that from my seat here in the upper decks, the GOP leadership and the Religious Right look like a bunch of spineless waffling losers who do not practice what they preach.  At least the Dems have been consistent and stayed on message.  Whether one likes their message or not, they are not in self destruct mode as it appears the GOP is.

This election is a gift from Heaven for the media weasels and fear mongering political hacks on both sides. I have done my best to turn off the noise, the useless, petty bullshit being tossed back and forth.  But it is hard sometimes, especially when I hear Trump or one of his surrogates  open their mouths.

Of the many things I have learned over the years, especially at election time, two stand out.
That no matter whether I think the country is going to Hell in a hand basket or heading in the right direction, the country weathers the storm and survives to fight another day. 

The other is that we can never go back.  Nor should we want to.  Somehow we always manage to keep moving.  We stumble, fall down ,get stupid, but in spite of our best attempts to screw up a good thing, the system and free spirit we have show us a way through.

There is no need to "make America great again".  We have never stopped being great.  It is just the bullshit of the moment that makes us forget this from time to time.

I'll close now.  Stay safe and remember to breathe.  That is really what it is all about.

Your Pinko Commie brother.

There you have it.  A baby step, but a step nonetheless.

Later ............................................