Friday, January 07, 2005

Home Economics

Originally posted in Dirt Rag Forums - 11/26/04
A piece on the silliness of youthful fashion. Every time I see some young punk with his britches at half mast and his designer undies hangin out for all the World to see, I smile and remember my own awkward attempts at being cool by sewing myself there. It'll all make sense in a moment.

Originally Posted by CRUM
Jeez UK, I guess that dry Brit humor kinda went down the wrong way. Frankly, I enjoyed it. I got several chuckles and a few guffaws out before I finished reading it. We should never let Life get so serious we can't laugh at ourselves. Unless of course, you have to sit in Home Economics class in your tighty whiteys while giggling 8th grade girls sew up your britches. That was not in the least funny.

UK's Reply
Do i DARE ask......?

And my reply
Well, since you did.... One of the cool fashions at the time was peg-legged jeans. Jeans so tight, using the pockets was out of the question and you pretty much had to hold your breath the whole time you were wearing them. A friend had talked me into letting him use my mom's Sewing Machine to peg his pants. He talked me into doing a pair. We both vowed we were gonna wear em the next day, nevermind the damn school's rules against them. Well, I show up in the morning at "the bridge", the smoking hangout for all the tough kids. My friend shows up and he is not sporting the pants we agreed on. "My mom caught me and made me take them off"

Well that was just great, I was going to be fed to the wolves alone. I'd be cool for a few minutes anyway. Or so I thought. I stiff-legged it into school and didn't even make it to my seat in homeroom, when the teacher snagged me. This guy was a real funny man. He loved playing with our heads and making us look silly in front of anyone who might be around. He made me do some physical manipulations, like touch my toes, squat down, etc. And all the while, saying if the pants passed I wouldn't have to head down to the office. About the 5th squat thrust, they let go. Split from crotch to tail right in front of the whole homeroom class.

You know it's odd, but I don't remember hearing the laughter. I felt it more than anything. I was so pissed and so embarrassed, I guess I shut down. Anyway, I had to walk to the Vice principals office with all my business hanging out. At least it was easier to get around now. Cooled my heels there while they had a few chuckles at my expense and thought about whether to send me home or not. One of the Home Economics teachers happened into the office and said she could fix me right up.

So again, I had to hoof it down the halls with everything feeling breezy. And the whole time the teacher is going on how her girls will fix my pants like new. I sat in her class with as much of myself stuffed under one of the tables as I could cram while the giggling girls took out the pegging and fixed the busted seam. All the while the teacher is hovering over this job suggesting this type of stitch or telling em to place the pins this way and not that way.

All in all, the ordeal ate up about 2 periods and I didn't have to go home (which would not have gone over well ). That was my one and only flirtation with pegged pants. Never did it again. Some kids started calling me Peg Leg, but it wore off. Too many liked Crum or Crum Bum better. It's tough to break in a new nick name when the one you have is working so well.

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