Monday, December 06, 2010
A Conversation in Heaven
"You been paying any attention to Earth lately?"
"Come on Pete, I can't be everywhere all the time. I've got a Universe to run you know. But yes, I know. Bit of mess down there isn't it? Guess it's my own fault. I did give those flounders Free Will when I set the place up."
"Yeah, but how could you have known they would be such idiots?"
"Uh Peter, I am God you know. Supposed to have a handle on all of this. The rumor I spread is that I am infallible."
"Yeah, that was a good one God." St. Pete searched God's face for a reaction. "Guess it back fired huh?"
"Hmm. I guess it did. Looks like I'll have to send Jesus down to tear that planet a new asshole again. Damn. I hate sending him. He's such a cocky bastard. He'll never let me forget I needed him not once but twice. I really don't want to call him in from the bull pen, but as you have noted, things are really out of control down there."
Saint Peter sat and rocked in his gold gilded Adirondack rocker. He pulled on his golden pipe while spitting great puffs of smoke out each side of his mouth as he got his bowl glowing red hot. Once it was fired up to his satisfaction, he stopped rocking. He took a huge hit, pulled the pipe out of his mouth and blew a new cumulus cloud into existence.
"By the way God."
God was nodding off by this time. St. Peter's voice brought him out of it. He jerked his head up off his chest. "What is it now Pete?"
"How long am I going to have to fill in as cloud generator?"
"Until further notice Peter. You know we are short handed right now what with the basement gang stealing most of the new souls."
"You know something God? "
"What's that Pete?"
"I liked things around here when you were younger and not so sure of yourself."
God headed to the porch steps. Each foot he brought down made Pete's teeth rattle. Before hitting the steps, God turned and glared his best God glare at St Peter. "Before you open your trap and say something like, "Oh gonna run off and ignore the mess you created down on Earth". Yeah before you even think that, remember everything I do is done for a reason only I can know."