The boys had gotten soft. Jeez, they had not been out terrifying the citizenry for years. Just holed up here at the castle stuffing their faces, watching old movies and playing video games. I know Frank had to have picked up another 150 pounds. Drack had gotten so lazy, he had his meals delivered by a nice kid from the local blood bank. Those losers over to the SciFi horror gang had been grabbing all the headlines.
I was no better. Hell, I hadn’t made any waves since Clarice gave up looking for me, got married, got pregnant and left the FBI. What do I do? I take over as the guardian for a bunch of washed up B movie monsters from the 1930s. It was time we took back what was ours.
“Okay guys gather round. “
No response.
“Guys?” I walked into the game room. Frank and the Doc Jeykyll were lost in a game of nine ball. Frank must have been losing. As I walked in, he smashed his cue stick over Doc’s noggin. I smiled.
“How much he into you for Doc?”
“Huh?” Doc was always a tad slow on the uptake what with that awful crap he drank every day, but he swung his face in my direction and smiled that unnerving smile of his. “Uh yeah Hannibal, the stupid bastard is down four games at the moment. He’s gonna owe me bigtime.”
Drack spoke up. “Whoa there my fine fearsome friend.” He and Wolfman were hunched over a game of Chinese checkers. “You boneheads still owe me big after last night’s poker game. Especially you Doc. Whatever possessed you to draw to an inside straight I’ll never know.” Jekyll’s smile disappeared and his eyes glowed as he flexed obscenely long fingers.
Wolfman glared at Drack and howled. Drack looked at him with mock surprise.
“I did not cheat, you flea bitten loser. Can I help it if you can't keep a poker face longer than five minutes. Remember, I cleaned you out first.”
“Guys, guys, guys. Cool your jets. We have to pull it together. Time to put on your game faces and get down to business. You guys have been sitting on your laurels and your asses for so long, John Q Public has forgotten you even exist. Don’t you guys have any pride left? Look at you. Sorriest bunch of has been monsters as I have ever seen. “
This got a rise out of them. They rushed me snarling and growling. It was just like old times. “Now that’s more like it……………. What we need is a plan. A night of horror to bring some pride back to the crew and let the World know who really makes them pucker with fear. Who’s with me?”
All hell broke loose. Frank toppled a few columns causing the game room ceiling to cave in. Wolfman shredded those new satin curtains I had installed so Drack could wander around in his whitie tighties during the day, And the Doc, well, he just drooled, wrung his hands and cackled. It almost brought a tear to my eye.
I don’t know what I was thinking when I took on this crew of loose dogs. Not a one of them had a clue about teamwork before I hooked up with them. But that was part of their charm I guess. Spontaneous Evil without any direction can create wonderful fear. I just had to get them headed in the right direction and look past their individual foibles. When they were on a roll, no other crew could touch them. Nothing but blood and fleshy tidbits left in their wake.
I finally had their attention. So I went over the new mission. They were suspicious at first. Sending them all out together was not their style. They were more comfortable as solo acts. The occasional cameo appearance to help a friend was okay, but none of them wanted to play second fiddle, especially at this time of the year. Top billing at Halloween would make them strut for a month. But I explained to them that an awesome performance by an ensemble cast would magnify their images. They settled down and focused as best they could.
“Okay guys, let’s make this Halloween one to remember. This excursion has to involve all of you so I'll cover any camera and sound work. If I can chip in with a slice here or a dice there, I will. But this will be your show, your chance to shine. All we need is the where and who gets your special kind of attention. We all know this caper has to go down in the dark of night. Nothing scares like bloody fangs coming out of dark shadows or body parts dripping blood in the soft light of the moon. So where and who guys? It's up to you."
Doc Jekyll was first to speak up. “How about a high school basketball game? Lots of cheerleaders and uptight teachers to disembowel.”
Wolf Man yipped.
Drack looked at him. “You always want it to be in the woods fer chrisakes. Come on guy step outside of your box for once. Besides, where in the woods are we gonna find enough delectable victims for all of us?”
Frank raised his hand.
“Frank, you don’t have to raise your hand.” I was never going to get used to this 7 foot monster who acted like a first grader. It was too bad his brain sat out so long before it was installed.
Frank slowly dropped his hand. Looking sheepish, he mumbled, “Well we could invade a militia camp. Uh, you know, they are popping up all over the place now. That way Wolfman could stay outside and that would make him happy. Besides, I don’t like those militia types. Bunch of wannabe badasses.” Frank clenched his massive mitts.
Drack started o speak up and then stopped. Doc looked over to the Wolfman and the Wolfman looked at me. No one spoke. I think we were absolutely caught off guard at such a brilliant suggestion coming from the dumbest among us. Christ, I had to remind the big lug every day how to tie his hob nail boots. From the mouths of babes………………..
The silence continued as the gears turned and churned inside each warped mind. I could feel the excitement building without so much as a word of discussion passing between us. So I ended it.
“It’s a lock then guys. Militia Camp Massacre here we come. Just save me a few brains and maybe a liver or two. I seem to be running low.”
"Now go out there and spill some blood!"
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1100 words or so. I know it is silly. But come on. Monsters are silly. Real Life is so much scarier.
Image from Deadly Movies
5 comments:
Heh heh, now this is a flick I'd pay to see.
Oh that would be such a fitting demise. I second Randal's vote and that's something for somebody who never goes to the movies anymore.
Ha - very good. Who gets to kill the two militia-men who go skinny dipping in the lake at night?
I'm with Randal. I'd pay good money to watch that movie. HA!!
Great write, Mike.
Apologies for not getting over as much. That will be rectified asap.
This was just TOO much fun to read. Sitting around, not getting into the murder and mayhem of the days of old... This would seriously make a great film, and you would need to write it. The way this story is written, you can picture all of them sitting around, planning, discussing, trying not to end up permanently 'over the hill'. Absolutely love this. Perfect Halloween fare.
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