Sunday, August 22, 2010

FFF #39 - 250 Words - An Elderly Gent in a Blue Smock

This weeks Friday Flash Fiction prompt is by Randal - "She knew time was running out, fast, but opening that door was Pandora's Box all over again."

I can't write in the genre I used last time. I guess the last time I wrote in some kind of crime genre. So whatever this is, here it is.............

She knew time was running out, fast, but opening that door was Pandora's Box all over again. There would be no peeking, no second guessing. Once that door opened, she was committed whether she was ready or not. She would give no quarter. Nor would she expect any.


“Yes John.”

“What the Hell are you doing?”

“Looking for my list.”

“Your list?”

“Yes Dear, my list.”

“You have a list? What the Hell for? I thought we were here just to check things out.”

“Well, I have a list of things to check out.”


John stepped back and looked at his wife as she struggled elbow deep in her purse looking for the list. Something told him they would not be coming home empty handed.

"Got it". Sylvia held up a crumpled envelope. She studied it and then carefully tore it in half. She turned to her husband and handed him a half.

"We've only got a few moments. You take this part of the list and ...................."

Massive glass doors began to split and slide to the side. The crowd gathered poured through the opening, shoving, jostling and stepping on each other's heels. A blue smocked elderly gent looked very frightened as the crowd bore down on him.

He straightened his shoulders and managed a weak smile.  His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Welcome to your new Super Walmart."

And then the elderly gent was down. Sylvia stepped on his stomach as she passed over him.


As always, any comment is welcome.  Especially those of the critical kind.


The Blog Fodder said...

I love it. Especially the last line!

Opening day at a Super Wal-Mart must be like the Hadassah Bazaar in Toronto when I lived there briefly 45 years ago. I never went but heard it was a mad-house at opening.

At Southland Mall Wal-Mart in Regina was the only real greeter I ever saw in Canada. He was a cheerful old gent who welcomed everyone and said goodbye to everyone. Most of the Canadian greeters are stolid sorts who don't say a word.

David Barber said...

Great job, Mike. You can really feel the excitement and aggressiveness of the gathering crowds, and then you really feel for the old dude at the end.

Very well done, my friend.

Sue H said...

Ah - this sounds like 'Primark' on a good day! (low-price fashion outlet in UK, for the uninitiated!)

Pity about the old chap but these hardened shoppers let nothing stand in their way!

Well thought-out little tale, sir!

Cormac Brown said...

You know, I was in Valley Stream, this summer, where that Wal-Mart clerk was trampled over discount TVs, and I had a feeling this was where you going. Nice one.

Randal Graves said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Flannery Alden said...

Super! You captured both sides very well. This story didn't feel like it was only 250 (and I mean that as a compliment) was very rich.

Gaye Bear said...

I like how you have used this week's prompt. Made me laugh.

Coraline J. Thompson said...

LMAO! This reminds me of every new store we get in our town... the last was when home depot opened. Then for the next month it was date night at the new home depot!

Doc said...

Impressive from top to bottom. You really do have a knack for this Mike and your stories never lack for punch! Well done!


Crybbe666 said...

MRM, a super idea...we here in Oz are a bit blase about new shops...only time I have heard of these stampedes is during the post-Xmas sales, but I guess it's the same theory.
Great job!