Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Spilled Coffee

I don't expect the people I want to read this to read it. But I will write it anyway. Maybe by putting it into words I will understand how I feel with more clarity.

It would appear my Mental Midgets post ruffled some feathers. No one commented their displeasure, they just grabbed their toys and went home. Taking with them their previous compliment of being a follower of my blog with them.

I was disappointed. Especially with one of them. He had been I think my very first follower. His little avatar will be missed. I wish him well in all he pursues, but I stand by the anger I displayed in my post. It was not aimed at him, but at the political party he affiliates himself with. He does not care that I would and will say the same thing about Democrats if I feel they are being boneheads. I have insulted his party, so I have insulted him. The other blogger who has decided to leave in a huff is fairly new and well being honest, I never felt the same connection I did with my old guy from California.

What I find humorous though is both of them pretend to be open and thick skinned. Apparently not. Of course I could be reading more into this than I am. That is certainly possible. But I think I am correct in my evaluation of the situation. Should I be wrong, they only have to comment to set the record straight. I hit a nerve, struck an unpleasant chord, challenged some precious notion. Something about the quick exit told me it was a complete and irrevocable. I am no longer on their fav's list.

So I move on. But as I am prone to do, I often chew on things until I just cannot chew on them anymore and have to spit it out somewhere. My blog is the perfect spittoon after all, so here it is.

The whole idea of relationships took on a definite new twist with the growth and development of the Internet. No longer do we have to actually be face to face or on the phone to interact with people. No longer do we have to wait for the mail man to come to keep that long distance connection going. Instant hook up through the magic of the computer.

The myriad of new ways to make friends and enemies is impressive. Chat rooms, forums, newsgroups, twitter, blogs, the list I am sure is large. Internet sex I understand is hot right now. How this is possible boggles my mind. All I can think of is it is self service in tandem. But there it is. Seems many folks love being intimate without the intimacy of physical contact. We have many more voyeurs than we thought in our midst. People who want to lurk but not give of themselves.

What makes for a good relationship I wonder. Specifically a good relationship on the Internet? I have thought about this and though I do feel we are better off as a culture with so many people interacting via the WWW, I don't think I would call what most get here as building a "good" relationship. We build temporary relationships more often than not. Relationships that often do not reflect who we are but who we would like others to think we are. The lack of honest and candid interaction builds connections based on false premises. And that is fine I guess. Many folks do not want the obvious complications a deeper relationship can create. After all they have their real lives they have to deal with.

But then I run into people who I can tell are most likely the same person on the Internet as they are off. Several people whose blogs I visit and also visit mine are like that. They read others words and tell them what they think. Honesty at the price of possibly not being welcome anymore. Or they may not say what is on their minds, but they allow others to say what is on theirs without getting a burr across their butt. And while I may only end up with temporary custody of their attention and them a brief taste of mine, I do believe I have done what I came here to do. Locate folks willing to tell me what they really think. And I guess the quick exit tells me what they think. But if it was me I think I would have at least told me I was wrong. Their huffy silence just helps to reinforce the negative image. And I know they do not deserve it. But there it is.

I started this odd post with an idea of finding some clarity. It seems all I did was create more questions for myself to chew on. Oh well. Now where's that spittoon?


(819 / 18,466)


Dawn on MDI said...

"Honesty at the price of possibly not being welcome anymore."

Truer words were never spoke. I like your honesty. I like that you are so thoughtful in your analysis before you write, too. I tend to get an idea and process it on the page, in public, for others to see. That process can be cumbersome and embarrassing, but I think m head is filled with too much other stuff - like song lyrics from the 70s and 80s - allow room to maneuver around with new thoughts.

I'd rather be honest with people and risk losing them than to tell them what I think they want to hear and lose my self-respect. A blog is not a sales position. We do not have to convince anyone of anything. It is pure self-expression. If people don't like the self we're expressing, then they can listen and learn a little bit, and maybe participate and enrich us all, or they can leave. It's really up to them.

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Hi Crum. Old Dude from California can set the record straight himself, but it may be possible his disappearance as a follower is a blogger glitch of some sort. He appears not to have been online for the past two weeks, and a commenter on his blog referred to him being offline until today - something perhaps related to his move.

I do recognize that you wrote that you are already open to possibilities other than the "unsubscribe" option. Time will tell.

Noah said...

I don't often see eye to eye with you, but your rants are passionate and your refusal to stay on topic is actually quite entertaining. I don't comment often, but believe me. I'm out here lurking from Google Reader Land.

If people take offense to what you write, you probably didn't want them reading anyway.

Randal Graves said...

All I can think of is it is self service in tandem.

That's a great line.

It's possible to build a good, honest, deep relationship over the internet, or using that as the starting point, but there would have to be some semblance of honesty, even if done anonymously for the masses.

By the way, I'm selling vacuum cleaners. If you were all my friends, you'd buy one.

Bull said...

Teh intarwebs are crazy for doing that to people. Or are people crazy for allowing themselves to part with certain attributes (reason, civility, tolerance of opposition) just because online they have the "comfortable" barrier of never having to face the person they disagree with? (Note there are exceptions to the rule like online stalking turning to actual stalking, blah blah...) I also wonder if this trend has affected personal behavior in the actual, physical presence of others. It seems like a reasonable explanation, but I wonder if there's any science behind it.

Demeur said...

El may be right. I woke up to find my avatar missing this morning and had to reload it. I hope it's a system problem and not some malware issue.
As for our discussions I'm always open for debate as long as it remains objective. I think that's why I like Major Conflict and Snave. J does a great job of moderating. Yes I did throw the old dude off my site once because the comments were just getting beyond rational. Maybe that's what happens when you get old I don't know. Should I ever get that looney you will do me a favor and pry the mouse from my hand and turn off my computer. Won't you?

Anonymous said...

" My blog is the perfect spittoon after all .... " - Crummy

Great line, Crummy.

But hey, if you gonna say anything worthwhile you ain't gonna be loved. So call 'em as ya see 'em.

I, for one, think ya a complete idiot when it comes to partisan politics. Your "can't we just get along" kumbaya cooperation plea is so naive of reality.

Republicans passionately want Obama to fail, and could give a damn about anything else.

It's called the next election.

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

El Cerdo has it right. My absence from the blogging world has been due to my move from North Los Angeles down here to Temecula, and the time period I had to wait to get re-connected. I am sorry if my absence has been taken as a major disconnect with our interchange of comments, for I truly do appreciate your inputs, even if I might not politically agree with them. Like yourself I say what I feel and let the chips fall where they will. hopefully this comment will bring things back to some semblence of understanding.

1138 said...

Sorry I missed you previous missive on the party of no.
I've been away from blogging for a bit watching the world unwind.
I reached the point you are at quite some time ago. The did this, sure with help from some lazy Democrats, but mostly they did this.

Joe the Homeless said...

Tell it like it is and if they don't like it............................