Older Maybe, But Not So Much Wiser

After 58 years on this planet and having been raised in the home of a crazed shutterbug, I would have thought there would be more images of myself kicking around in the many piles of family pictures from back in the day. There are not many it turns out. Especially not many from that period of my life when I brushed shoulders with famous people often on a daily basis.

I found this picture of me at age, oh I guess I must be 24 or 25. Holding me up in my "cool dude" pose is the first decent truck I ever had the pleasure of driving. Unit #2875, a new at the time White Freightliner leased to SHOWCO, carried me and a multitude of rock and roll gear all over the US and Canada. I had a lot of fun in and out of that truck. I also survived some very scary times in that truck. 

I often tell who ever might be interested that of all the senses that can bring back memories, my sense of smell takes top billing. Smelling coffee brewing always reminds me of my parents seated across from one another at breakfast, each planning that day's assault on the other's sanity. I will smell bread baking and be reminded of when we lived near a huge bakery in Florida for a time. 

Music is my next favorite reminder of Good Times, Bad Times, I know I have had my share. ........ Oldies always conjured up images from my awkward youth, my dark drug days, and all the moments in between.

Photographs, well, they don't so much bring back memories as they seem to be more like instant replays that often bring with them no feeling good or bad. Maybe it is their blatant objectivity that robs me of my ability to remember the bygone nuances to suit my current mood. But I guess it depends on the picture. When I found this Kodak moment sitting prominent on my wife's dresser (Uh, it's location surprised me, but that is another bowl of shit to stir up). 

Where was I? Oh yeah. 

When I found this picture, immediately memories of that time came flooding back. Not so much memories of what I did, who I did them with, or the Bands I hauled, but rather memories of who I was at the time filled my brain and offered a stark contrast to who I have become. I am sure I am experiencing nothing unique here. It seems logical to think many if not most of us will make comparisons of the then to the now. But for each of us, it seems unique and special I guess. 

No one can know who I was then and who I am now better than I can. At age 24 I was cocky and sure of myself. At age 58 I am no longer sure enough to be cocky every day like I was back then. At age 24 I had no reason to be cocky, I had not done much yet. At age 58 I am wise enough to know I have nothing to be cocky about. I look at the young man leaning confident with a deadpan expression on his face and I know what was really going on under that wonderful head of hair that exists now as nothing more than a ghostly reminder of it's thick past. I was the same person I am now. I am just a little wiser now and somewhat clued in about where I will end up in all this. 

 As the years gather and weigh me down, friends and relatives pass at an ever rising rate. Physical gifts I once took for granted are now appreciated, but only because they are missing in action now. At age 24, I knew all this was coming. I had any number of older role models to pay attention to. But I never once gave the aging gig one moment of my time. At age 24 I was sure I would live forever. At age 58 I am starting to have some doubts. 

 Keep it 'tween the ditches...................................