I am what, 16 days into the new year. At the end of last year I stepped outside of my end of the year box and boasted I would be making changes this year. To that end, for 16 days I have been moderately successful. I promised to blog everyday for a month and so far I have not dropped that ball. I promised to focus on self improvement this year through a variety of actions on my part. And then I promised to make every post for this month have something to do with this push to self improve. So far so good. Everything is running according to plan.
I have read or heard that it takes 21 days to pick up or break a habit. Some take longer, but I guess a smart guy somewhere spent thousands of hours and wrote thousands of pages on this and has concluded the average time to break a habit is 21 days. Fine. I am almost there. On that twenty second day, I can stop thinking about whatever it is I am doing and it will just happen like it was part of me forever. Right? Riiiight.
In that I have never really thought about an over all personality and character makeover, I am surprised at how much effort one needs to put into breaking a habit or picking up a new one. And in the scheme of real internal change, does it really matter if I follow through with the physical changes if my mind does not follow. The real change I need is inside. A fundamental change in my frame of mind. Whatever else I do or not do, this is the one thing that truly matters. Outlook is key. If I continue my the glass is half empty mentality, the glass will always be half empty. The positives of Life will be that much harder to recognize when they do pass by.
I understand the physical part of living. The nuts and bolts of what it takes to make it in the physical world. That I choose to ignore some of the basics does not mean I don't understand their importance. I think this willful disobedience to common sense in some things is that I do not completely understand how to live in the Emotional World. Those in-house group of feelings and attitudes that indicate one is balanced and on track seem to be hit or miss in me.
The big one I have problems with is caring. Oh, I care about others most of the time. But I have a problem caring about myself. Feeling sorry for myself is different. I do that also. But I think the fundamental interior design snafu is my inability to give a shit about what happens to me. If I can't care about me, how can I possibly expect to properly care about others?
This one big issue should be resolved. I have addressed it on numerous occasions, but have always fallen back into old ways. Now would be a good time to work on it. The deck of Life is stacked more against me than it has been in many years. And this time, I am the only one who can make it better. There is no one person I can turn to to solve this problem for me. Last time it was a lawyer. And it was an easy fix compared to this.