Saturday, November 10, 2012

The Brain - An Overview

The science guys and medical guys insist we all are packing the same hardware in our noggins.   Exceptions exist based on genetics and mutations created by outside triggers like drinking while pregnant, smoking while pregnant, eating fish with three eyes and wearing sneakers, blah, blah blah.  For my series about Brains, I won't consider these edge of the norm variables, just the standard package the majority of us supposedly start out with.

First of all, I have determined that we do not start out with the same hardware.  There are two basic packages inserted at some point after coitus and before birth.  Who inserts these two packages and why is not my concern with respects to this treatise.  I will leave the who and the why up to the guy with the Bible in his hands.

1.  The Female Brain

I won't pretend to understand the final product the Female Brain becomes once it is in control of the adult female.  I do know that when the female brain is new and not used much yet, it is a sweet and gentle brain full of soft thoughts and gentle ideas.  This all changes when hormones work their evil magic starting around the time of menstruation.  The Female Brain moves it's center of operations to the heart and into territories unknown and unfathomable.  Any actions put into play at this point forward are designed to befuddle and confuse the Male Brain.  And whether the Female Brain knows of this confusion and befuddlement or not, the Male Brain becomes convinced the Female Brain is probably evil sent down to make their lives harder than they need to be.

2.  The Male Brain

Right out of the gate the Male Brain is out of control. Full speed ahead. Gentle ideas and soft thoughts are not pre-programmed like they are in the Female Brain. The Male Brain likes to make its host eat dirt, pick its nose and throw loaded diapers against the wall. At some point this all changes however when an influx of hormones overwhelm the fluids in the Male Brain and girls are no longer yucky. The Male Brain then moves its control center south of the host's waist.  From this point forward the Female Brain takes control.

It is a wonder beyond the ability of science to understand how these two brains manage to even live on the same planet with each other.  Often it seems they don't.  But by some freakish combination of chemicals and a basic urge installed early in both to survive, these two brains find the time to ensure the future of the species.

I established now without a doubt the existence of not one brain but at least two distinct brains that control the actions of our species.  My next installment will delve into the murky world of sub brains.  It is here the fun really begins.



BBC said...

I've been talking to a very interesting lady that is a professor at a university, she's big into the science of the brain and how it works.

I think my biggest issue with my brain is that it has a left and right side and those two fuckers are always fighting with each other, we'd be better with just one brain.

And one side of mine never wants to sleep, that's a pain in the ass.

I'm left handed and process things differently, or so they say, I'm not sure that's helpful.


BBC said...

It's possible that if I didn't temper my brain with some booze I'd be a raving maniac, that with bombs could be dangerous.

BBC said...

Interesting subject....

Looking back on my youth I was a very peaceful and easy going laid back lad. Too bashful but in adulthood got over that, work as a service manager where I had lots of public exposure and a Dale Carnegie course helped with that even though it didn't help my damn spelling skills any.

It's life, insights, experiences and such that's made me a disturbed man.

BBC said...

I like pondering on this stuff. Around six years ago when I was interested in that spoiled little catholic chippie I was often in touch with my feminine side while she was in touch with her masculine side.

It was a fucking train wreck. :-)

The Blog Fodder said...

Mars and Venus.

BBC said...

John put out some good stuff, more women should read it.

Randal Graves said...

Chicks, man.

Ol'Buzzard said...

Who cares about brains? Let's talk about tits.
the Ol'Buzzard

MRMacrum said...

BBC - Guess I peaked your interest. Or must just be a slow day on the WWW. I definitely feel you made the right decision to not mix drinking and bombing. And I agree, the longer we live, the more disturbing Life is. When I was a brain dead punk, Life was hoping I had enough cash left after the weekend to make until the next pay day.

The Blog Fodder - Oh that guy. What a nancy. ;)

Randal Graves & Ol'Buzzard - Typical zippers.

Doc Teri said...

BBC introduced me to your blog, and I'm damn glad he did. I'm also glad you fell off the wagon...I enjoy your writing! He's right - I'm a brain scientist, which basically means I learn each day how little I know. I think maybe you can teach me a thing or two, so I'll keep tuning in.
By the way...I also enjoyed your post about election night - I was the opposite...stayed up too late waiting for Romney to concede (got tired of waiting and went to bed), then awoke in a panic in the morning afraid that we had another Gore/Bush debacle and/or I had dreamed the whole damn thing.

BBC said...

Breaker breaker one niner, what's the twenty on the tits? Comeonnn

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Hahahahaha!!! Brilliant, highly scientific analysis. Great work, Crum!

See? Science, practiced like this, transcends all political differences.