Wednesday, May 18, 2011

An Update on the Last Date - The God Variable

First of all, I noticed that some Internet gremlins got hold of Google and screwed up my last blog post.  Several comments mysteriously disappeared.

Hmm.................... Is this a sign that in 3 days we will see the beginning of the end?  According to a fellow name of Harold Camping , the recent series of exploding watermelons in China are a sign.  So maybe he would also like to add to his list of random events signaling the end, my lost comments.  I would be honored if they were added.  If for no other reason than to keep his comedic lunacy at a fever pitch.

But what if he is wrong as he was in 1994?  The World will still spin and the planet's creatures will continue to fornicate, grow, die and new malls and subdivisions will be built.  Or maybe just old malls will be sold and old subdivisions will be sold.  Regardless, Life as we know it will continue it's erratic but steady pace.

According to Harold, 200 million of us will ascend to Heaven.  He claims even Jews can make it if they accept Christ as their savior.  He made no promises regarding Muslims, Buddhists, or folks of the Hindu religion.  The 6 billion or so of us who are left will suffer excruciating deaths by fire, crushing earthquakes, or be turned into pillars of salt.  This agony will last until October 21st when I am assuming the Earth will self implode, explode, or just wink out of existence.  Whatever happens our pain and suffering, especially the pain of anyone rooting for teams from Cleveland, will finally be over.  I am guessing some Cleveland fans are secretly hoping he is right.  The first sign Harold is right will be at 6PM, Australian time on May21st.  An earthquake will strike Kiritimati Island, a Pacific Ocean atoll and follow the Sun around the planet.

Harold's claim is based on foolproof mathematical formulas that tell the whole story.  Numbers don't lie and I for one, after careful scrutinizing of his addition, have to admit the numbers add up.

2,011 + 391 - 1 = 2,401, or 7 x 7 x 7 x 7.  See.  Right there in front of you, the proof stares back with detached and emotionless truth.  2011 is obviously this year and 391 refers to 391 BC when he claims The Old Testament ended but I am not quite sure what the one "-1" is.  I am assuming it is the God Variable.  But I have faith his math is right on.  I mean really, 59 = 7x7 + 11 -1 right?  If this is correct then he must be also.  Logical and well thought out I have to say.

I would look into this more, but I have to head down to Walmart for some new underwear.  If I have any chance of making the Rapture Elevator, I am hedging my bets by wearing brand new, not just clean, underwear.

See ya in Heaven or maybe under some rock.....................

9 comments:

Kulkuri said...

I've been seeing posts on facebook and other places asking people if they'll be going to the post-rapture looting?? But if they've been raptured, can it still be looting or is it scavenging or maybe salvage??

The sad part is that the day will come and go and nothing will change!!

Nan said...

I'm hoping our neighbor with the dark blue Nissan Xterra gets Raptured. I want his car.

squatlo said...

My biggest concern is that we were invited to a fish fry on Saturday, and the guy who's doing the cooking is an INCREDIBLE cook. I just want to make sure we're eating BEFORE half the party floats off in the rapture. I figure I won't need to take nearly as much beer with me as usual, because surely one or two of the folks there with coolers will have dearly departed. I'm planning to upgrade automobiles at the same gathering, too.
See you next week, you heathens...

Randal Graves said...

Cleveland will die, but all the non-native Cleveland players won't and Colt's the real McCoy, tossing 28 TDs in a shortened season, leading the upstart Traveling Browns to the title in February 2012. I just hope I get turned into a pillar of salt, will be useful for the survivors.

I remember in high school turning my birthdate into 666.

Beach Bum said...

With any luck South Carolina will be empty after this upcoming Rapture, since nearly everyone here is a self-righteous biblethumper, allowing me to rush down to the coast and stake a claim at a beach house I like close to Pawelys Island.

Mr. Charleston said...

You're screwed. Your underwear was made in China, a godless state if ever there was one.

The Blog Fodder said...

Is rapture like a hernia? No, wait, that is rupture. Am I coming or going, that is the question. The World will end at 12:00. 12:30 in Newfoundland.

BBC said...

Only 200 million? That's a damn low and disappointing figure.

susan said...

Geez, the end of the world came and went and I missed it.