Thursday, July 29, 2010

FFF #37 - "Losing the Key to Life" - 250 words

Starter sentence this time was provided for us by Cormac. At a generous 250 to 1100 words, I chose the short cut.  Only this time I tried another dialog only piece.  Let me know what you think.

"As with juggling, the key to life is to keep the procession moving steady and don't look down."
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"As with juggling, the key to life is to keep the procession moving steady and don't look down."

"No it ain’t. Life's all about balance man. Give and take. Shake and bake."

"Shake and bake? Shit dude, you even know what you are talking about?

"Yeah I do. Sure know a lot more than juggling keys or whatever shit you’re spewin."

"Okay smart guy, balance us out of this mess. Cops are streamin in like alewives through the Dead River Dam."

"Looks like it don't it? We're in a world of shit for sure………..And you said it was gonna be an easy score.

“Would have been if you hadn’t brought that freakin cannon… and then actually used it……..Look at her. Jeez what a mess. Right through the eye. You could have just winged her.”

“I told her to stay down on the floor more than once. She shoulda listened…….. she was makin me crazy with all the hysterics, all that blubbering.”

“Well it sure made the rest of them behave. I’ll give you that…………..but through the eye?............Damned cold dude.”

“Dead is dead. Don’t matter how it happens. She’ don’t seem too upset about it.”

“Great. More blue lights coming. How many cops do they need ferchrisakes?……….We ain’t skating this time. “

“Think we should give it up?”

“I dunno man. We’d live longer.”

“Yeah, long enough to stuff a needle in our arm.”

“Maine ain’t got no death penalty.”

“Oh. Well then I guess it’s up to us. Gimme that gun.”

~*~*~**~*~**~~*

Later....................................

8 comments:

Randal Graves said...

They best be packing extra clips or this one's gonna be over real quick.

Beach Bum said...

Great Story! Sorry, I haven't been around for awhile, its been bugfuck crazy.

“I told her to stay down on the floor more than once. She shoulda listened……..

Chicks just never learn.

David Barber said...

Nice one Mike. Apologies for not getting round of late. Got back from Manchester and straight off up North for a few days. I'm back on it now mate and will catch up with your stories over the next few days. ;-)

Lewis J Peters said...

I did enjoy this. You didn't need the "Later ........." but otherwise really 'got' the voices.
Regards,
Lewis

Crybbe666 said...

Thought I had commented on this already...never mind, it was worth a second read.

Sue H said...

Very good - setting your whole story in one conversation!

I liked their 'nothing to lose attitude'!

Coraline J. Thompson said...

Out with a BANG!
Great work MRM as always.

David Barber said...

I'll add to my previous comment now. Excellent use of dialogue that kept the story flowing right up to the very end. One you should be proud of.

Have a great weekend, my friend.