Monday, December 17, 2007

Blue Magic

Handymen from all over the country just love cheap fixes and jury rigged solutions. The one material that exists in every homeowner's first line of emergency fixes tool kit is a decent sized roll of good quality duct tape. Nothing comes close to it as the magical fix for millions of fix it now problems. Books have been written about Duct Tape and the magic performed with it.

But I did not come here to talk about Duct Tape. We Mainers know it's worth. Any one of us with half a brain is going to have 3 or 4 rolls of it kickin around handy and ready at a moment's notice.

No, today I want to pay homage to that magnificent, stupendous, and all around yard gussying up king--- The Blue Tarp.

Nothing gets Mother off your ass quicker than a 20x20 blue tarp from Marden's tossed over that '82 Chevy pick up with the broken plow. She might know it is still there, but you can at least meet her half way by not making her look at it.

The Blue Tarp is so sacred in this state, and often so rare to come by, when Marden's gets em in, they don't last the day sometimes. It's okay to purchase one from Home Depot or Lowes in an emergency, but if it came from Mardens, it's the real Maine Blue Tarp.

Yeah, some folks insist they all come out of the same 5 or 6 blue tarp plants in Singapore or East Gish China. And that may be. But until it has passed through the hands of the caring folks at Mardens, it is not the official unofficial Maine Blue Tarp.

In a world that seems lost in a quest to find a high tech answer for every problem, Mainers always seem to rely on tried and true low tech solutions first. Why build a barn to hold all six 427 Chevy engine blocks when all you have to do is cover em up with a $5 blue tarp. That Massey Ferguson tractor Father used for 40 years is in tractor heaven under the protective blue cover. It is the sign of real loyalty and care when a blue tarp is dragged over some rusting item or gizmo in the dooryard. Whenever I pass a property liberally sprinkled with blue covered lumps, I know that the owner has some special treasure they wanted to make sure has the protection it needs.

Even the critters of Maine have fallen under the spell of the blue tarp. As you can see, some enterprising local fowl found the fibers of the about to be discarded blue tarp in the back a very handy and convenient source of bombproof fibers for their nest.

Tim Sample , a Maine comedian is positive that the reason Osama Bin Laden has thus far successfully eluded capture is he is currently secreted away under a blue tarp up country somewhere near Augusta or Bangor. I don't know about that, but I do know it is very easy to walk around a pile with a blue tarp on it than walk around one that has not been so honored.


Jen said...

I live by duct tape, but hadn't thought of the blue tarp. Combine the two, and I might have something that would survive the unholy winds we get here. Hmmm...I things to go cover now. ; )

MRMacrum said...

If you can't fix it with duct tape, you can cover it up with a blue tarp while you consider just what to do next.