Monday, September 19, 2005

Closer to Home

I punched Beck into the player. I then sat down in front of this screen with every intention of making mincemeat of some yahoo on a political forum I visit on occaision. I was ready to rip him a new one. Lay him low.

But I couldn't do it. The free for all political forums I have had so much fun in these last few years have lost their luster. Where I once found witty and intelligent adversaries, I now find one line Harries who only want to insult. The boards seem overrun with reactionary posters or trolls. So instead of punishing myself there, I came here. I prefer the calm and solitude of my blog. Besides Beck does not go well with trading insults.

I created this blog to work on my writing. Hone the few skills I have. I made only 2 rules when I set it up. One, I would not allow my livelihood or obession with bicycles to take over. Two, I would keep the political commentary to a minimum. So far so good. Well lately, I have run a bit heavy on the bike side. It is difficult to rein in that which your life revolves around. The politics have been easier to deal with. When I wanted to get that fix, I went to some forum of armchair politicians and we could mix it up. But now that I am not stopping in as much. Where will I get my release, if not here in my blog? We will see if I can resist.

I have kept journals forever. Until this blog, I always spent a large amount of energy stating my opinions on how things oughta be. With no feedback, my personal views seemed nothing more than political masturbation. Then I found the political forums. Now I was part of a circle jerk. A little better I guess.

A couple of weeks ago, the group feeding frenzy I was actively part of changed. Or I changed. It does not matter. One of us did. I spent a whole session just lurking. It seemed that all anyone wanted to do was blame Bush, blame Clinton, love the war, or hate the war. Useless and futile discussions from one hardhead to another. Every poster I read had come with a chip on their shoulder and their mind already made up. So I did a search to review some of my recent posts. I sounded just like the rest of them. A whining angry man. Nothing sadder.

Unfortunately this Internet thing is akin to some crazy drug. It gets it's hooks into you and before you can say gigabyte, you are spending 20 to 30 hours a week surfing but going nowhere. I am determined to cut my time wasted on the boards to a minimum. But when I punch this computer up, automatically my fingers do the walking and I find myself looking for some idiot to lay into. I will stop in the middle of that first or second post, re-plant reality in my mind and scoot home or here. Not that here is really reality. But it is closer.