WARNING - if you do not like Blasphemy explained(Phelps) or Twisted Logic (Carlin) or a few swear words bother you, then please do not open the video. Consider yourself warned.
I am not a religious man. I am not an atheist either. Being true to my fence straddling ways, I hide behind the term agnostic. I want to be able to switch sides when and if the game seems to be heading one way or the other. Yeah, so it's a cop out. I'd prefer to consider it hedging my bets.
I came across the above George Carlin/Fred Phelps video duet the other day. Carlin's part is video from one or some of his stand up routines. Fred's excellent counterpoint in the Name of the Holy Fag Hating Father was obviously filmed shortly after George Carlin died. Whoever spliced this together did a great job.
As I watched Rev. Fred Phelps try to convince me that George was now living in excruciating pain and discomfort in the bowels of Hell, I assumed Fred thinks he personally will be in Heaven when his clock stops ticking. Logical assumption? Maybe. But go with it anyway for the sake of the point of this post.
So what I thought was who would I like to hang out with more, swap tall tales with, ogle the babes and make nasty remarks with? Fred or George?
It was a tough decision. Both have so much going for them. George makes me laugh. Fred makes me laugh. That knotted things up in a tie. So I dug deeper.
Would I want to exist in pain with George? Or painfully deal with Fred's non stop homophbia? Again I was stuck. Neither one seemed very appealing.
Would I want to hang with a guy who thinks most everyone on the planet is an idiot like George does? Or try to have eternal conversations with Fred who knows everyone on the planet is an idiot........Hmm, we have our first tie breaker..............slight advantage - George Carlin. He at least recognizes the possibilty that all of us are not idiots, though he is pretty sure we are.
George doesn't wear a hat. Fred does..........Damn...........People who wear hats know what their heads were designed for. Sign of intelligence. Advantage on this one - Fred. Back to a tie game.
Back and forth, I wrestled with this question of who I might like to hang out with once that last shovel full had been tossed on my grave. And almost always it was a tie. Went on like this for at least five minutes.
And then the clincher. It was just a field goal, but it tipped the margin of victory to George. I would rather laugh in Hell than be bored in Heaven. And Lord knows, Phelp's routine got old here on Earth. I just can't imagine listening to it in Heaven.
Keep it 'tween the ditches..................................