Sunday, March 15, 2009

Angels & Aliens Both Start With The Letter A

All right now. I was willing to cut the gentle Christians some slack with the Intelligent Design thing. It's a stupid idea, but hey whatever blows their dress up. But this hijacking of the sacred cow of tinfoil folks everywhere is beyond the pale. Religion has absolutely no business mixing up aliens and angels. The two could not be further apart. You see Aliens exist. Angels don't. And this high handed attempt to lend their "Angel Fantasy" some credibility on the backs of the poor Aliens is well, just shameful.

Both have their advocates. Both have their detractors. But when one tries to hijack the goodwill of the other just to create a more modern and hip image for itself, it is more criminal than when Pop music hijacked Country. Or was it Country that hijacked Pop. See, when the lines get blurred like this, pretty soon we'll be seeing images of aliens with crosses and Jesus will suddenly have eyes the size of small pie plates. The Bible will be re-written with Moses using a tractor beam to part the Red Sea. Noah's little conundrum of how do you fit two of every animal in a forty foot boat will be explained by his use of a miniaturizing beam combined with a dash of stasis, leaving Noah plenty of room to stretch out and enjoy the forty day cruise.

Although I will be most interested to see how the faithful treat the subject of anal probing. That tried and true method all aliens use to get to know us might be tough to rationalize in a Godly way. A quick new rule will be found written as a BTW in some pots aged just for that purpose. One of the "discovered" parchments will contend God doesn't mind sodomy as long as it's done mechanically.

Of course it is understandable that a religion as old as God would look for ways to bring the good word into the hip modern world. Especially since it seemed to miss the last century altogether. Better late than never I suppose. But to pirate the hard work of others is immoral. That's what it is. Immoral and sinful. Aren't there rules about coveting and do onto others as you would have them do onto you and other high minded ideals?

You Christians came up with Angels. You have described them and filled out their bios. They have been an established part of your game forever. Aliens seem to fit into the science scenario a little cleaner. Trying to dress Angels up to fit the Hi Tech gee whiz world on our doorstep just seems like an act of desperation. Or maybe an attempt to hedge your bets, because science is kicking your butt. But sneaking in the back door this way won't work. I am on to you. Now say Amen.

(473 / 6445)


Kulkuri said...

Can you name one thing that is orginal with that religion?? All of their holidays or holy days have been stolen from others. Even the virgin birth thing was from an earlier religion. So it doesn't surprise me that they would try to steal aliens and say they are angels. Next they will build sacred shrine in Roswell.

Dawn on MDI said...

Brilliantly done! Great fun!

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

my people are Freesbaterians----we worship the freesbee---when we die our souls go up on the roof---(lol)

Demeur said...

There are many obscure and borderline insane ideas in science as well. If quantum physics doesn't sound like voodoo I don't know what does.
As for the traveling aliens. I'm sure I'd just love to spend years in a ship traveling the universe and the first thing I'd want to do is an anal probe of the locals once I arrived.
Have you been reading L.Ron Hubbard again? Use that to start your wood stove would you?

Nan said...

So, how many aliens can dance on the head of a pin? Or are they too busy lubing up the anal probes to bother with schottisches?

MRMacrum said...

Kulkiri - Okay now. I was trying to be nice and not ruffle the Catholics God's feathers too much here. And what do you do, paint the big red bullseye right on top of me. The Pope is going to hear about this.

Dawn on MDI - If we can't poke fun at the sacred institutions, that will leave only the Aliens having all the fun poking to themselves.

Old Dude - You do know Frisbees are really un-aliened spacecraft drones let loose on our World. WHAMO Corp is an alien front. Microscopically infested with alien surveillance tech, they keep tabs on us without the necessity of being here in person.

Demeur - I am partial to Chaos Theory myself. Don't have a clue really what it is, but it sure sounds like it would fit what we have going on here on Earth. My guess is it an alien propganda plant to explain the obvious manipulations Aliens are engaged in on Mother Earth.

Nan - Until they got wise to it and started wearing audio filters, aliens could be ferreted out by playing an exuberant Polka on an accordion. Aliens would spontaneously fall into fits of dancing. That late great Human Patriot and Accordion Master of Lawrence Welk fame, Myron Floren is the man who discovered this one day during a gig he was playing at the Fryeburg Fair between sets of tractor pulling contests. Unfortunately Myron disappeared shortly thereafter and was found later in a demised state in a field not far away. In his right hand,his beloved accordion. In his left, a tube of KY jelly and a note, "Thanks Myron for the dance."

Chef Cthulhu said...

Quantum theory has the ability to be challenged and tested according to Socratic Method. It has been nearly continuously, since its inception, and has always held up. Quantum theory doesn't hold up - then these here computers we use don't really work.

Religion cannot boast the same.

But intelligent design is true. Life was originally created by the Elder Things in pre-cambrian times in what is now Antarctica, before Cthulhu came and fucked up the works. Really. S'true y'know. HPL sez so.

Bill said...

Haha... I've been noticing this trend for several years now. God is ET.
The newest trend ever since "What the Bleep Do We Know" is that quantum theory is being adopted by Christians to justify miracle health cures and cellphone EMF field neutralizers.
But as far as crossing country and pop, I kinda like Willie Nelson. There's a right way and a wrong way to go about just about anything.
Christian Rock crosses the line, though.

MRMacrum said...

Chef Cthulhu - So Intelligent Design is more about design by alien committee than being laid on the shoulders of one supreme being? And Quantum Theory was the rule book the aliens used in their labs billions and jillions of years ago in the Antarctic? I get it now. Aliens are god. Then why the constant focus on the probe? If they made us, then they already know what's going on inside. Must be that bastard Cthulhu that deviated the program to satisfy some sick twisted desire of his own.

Bill - If Willie was aware of your blasphemy, he would hunt you down and slap you for tying him to Pop music. Willie trandscends both country and Pop. I wonder if he is really God on vacation. He looks like he's old enough to be.

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