tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post7611870450335346118..comments2024-03-27T12:30:52.619-04:00Comments on Lost in the Bozone: FFF #5 - The Meat BusMRMacrumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01414173517957120477noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-23891029854269208992009-10-14T14:00:48.151-04:002009-10-14T14:00:48.151-04:00The first two things that popped in my head where ...The first two things that popped in my head where Soylent Green and They Live, this being a mutated version of their drug-addled love child.Randal Graveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08728992897551848531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-16389969716891253122009-10-14T10:19:41.029-04:002009-10-14T10:19:41.029-04:00Ubermilf - Ambiance is all that matters in this sk...Ubermilf - Ambiance is all that matters in this skin deep world. The wonderful part of reading is the writer only takes us so far. The rest is up to us. <br /><br />Demeur - Every day is an alternate reality for me. <br /><br />Pipe Tobacco - Again how I wrote it and how it was viewed ended up being two different things. Glad you liked it though.<br /><br />Alan Griffiths - Yeah I liked the flow in some of it also. But I had trouble with the ending.MRMacrumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01414173517957120477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-47630398526620503742009-10-14T07:05:34.564-04:002009-10-14T07:05:34.564-04:00I like this one, the flow, language etc and the wh...I like this one, the flow, language etc and the whole Sci-Fi feel of it. Good stuff.Alan Griffithshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12890190137499272096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-88116991569554937252009-10-13T23:48:47.486-04:002009-10-13T23:48:47.486-04:00MrMaCrum:
My take on the story was that the "...MrMaCrum:<br /><br />My take on the story was that the "meat bus" was something akin to the "Soylent Green" sci-fi book/film about the systematic harvesting of people to be used as food for others. <br /><br />I enjoyed the entry greatly. I was an idiot and forgot to post my own in time this week even though I had it written. Here it is if you have interest or time to read it:<br /><br />http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com/2009/10/blog-post_13.html<br /><br />PipeTobacco<br />http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.comPipeTobaccohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17746884792061867611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-21134056081765425532009-10-13T15:14:47.716-04:002009-10-13T15:14:47.716-04:00Seeing as how you have as odd ideas as I do at tim...Seeing as how you have as odd ideas as I do at times, have you ever considered that some time in the past you had a date with destiny on one of your road tours and that this is just some alternate reality? There's a thought to contemplate when you have too much time on your hands.Demeurhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01935263659097273535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-69114333720731245102009-10-13T10:42:45.258-04:002009-10-13T10:42:45.258-04:00I like that it's open to interpretation. I al...I like that it's open to interpretation. I also took it as a futuristic cure for overpopulation upon my first reading, but I can also see it as a deranged drug addict's fantasy world.<br /><br />I like that your blog background is black; it adds to the ambiance.Ubermilfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08685628102770311287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-71313296563490407812009-10-13T07:41:40.907-04:002009-10-13T07:41:40.907-04:00BBC - Apparently you are not alone. I get that re...BBC - Apparently you are not alone. I get that response a lot. Hmm. I am cheered to hear you have enough fuel to keep you warm during the big blow up, meltdown, end of the world, blah, blah, blah. I too am ready. Some Slim Jims, a case of Gatorade, and plenty of polar fleece clothing. I am all set.<br /><br />Doc - Interesting response given I struggled to come up with something off of that first line. All I could think of was someone spouting from a soapbox, speaker system, or from behind a podium or altar. I went with the speaker thing.<br /><br />It is obvious to me that I missed because both you and Billy are unsure of what I was trying to do. And that is fine. I more often than not miss.<br /><br />I was indeed hoping to finally have the reader realize the bus, the speakers blaring, etc were all in his head. <br /><br />I did toy with a paragraph of him on the bus, but it never felt right or tied cleanly into the original idea. Upon reading this again with your points in mind, I can see what you mean.<br /><br />If I am going to write weird like this, I need to nail it better. Thanks much for the critique. Really.MRMacrumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01414173517957120477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-83792364288313821002009-10-12T22:39:15.287-04:002009-10-12T22:39:15.287-04:00I have to say I like it.
I don't know that I ...I have to say I like it.<br /><br />I don't know that I "get" it, but I like it.<br /><br />Is the meat bus broadcasting the message that appears in bold letters between paragraphs? Is this what the character is hearing, is it narration, or in his head? If this is what the bus is playing over the speakers, then it kind of sounds like the blimp that constantly floats overhead in the film Blade Runner. "Come to an off-world colony..."<br /><br />Does the meat bus represent drugs and alcohol as something one could throw his life away on? Is the hero really being a martyr "so that others may live"? Or has he stumbled upon a Solent Green/organ harvesting scheme?<br /><br />Am I missing the point or am I supposed to have this many questions?<br /><br />I enjoy your style and rythem. The language is wonderful and I especially like, "I don't cotten no rumors." Maybe I'm out of line here, but the "where" and "how" need a little fleshing out, if for no other reason than to give the great ending more punch. Maybe just a sentence or two about what he finds on the bus would do it, or even just a bit of dialog.<br /><br />These are just suggestions from a guy who is a Grade A rookie and couldn't spell manure with a mouth full of it, and should not be interpreted as a harsh critique.<br /><br />I have to say I like it.<br /><br />DocDochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16979621370660001312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9728880.post-1002749714244162702009-10-12T21:37:25.186-04:002009-10-12T21:37:25.186-04:00Um, I have no idea what in the world you are talki...Um, I have no idea what in the world you are talking about. <br /><br />It was cool here all day, are you fixing to batten down the hatches for winter? <br /><br />My place is small and cheap to heat but I know that many will suffer this year. <br /><br />If the grid goes down it's no big deal, I'll just move out in the camper where I have propane and wood heaters. <br /><br />I have enough firewood for about three winters so that's cool. And the camper is all twelve volt except for one light so that's cool also. <br /><br />If the grid is down for a while I can't get more propane but that's okay, I keep enough in stock to go for about a month without more. <br /><br />Blah, blah, blah.BBChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15323188240580782454noreply@blogger.com